Today I want to write something that has always bothered me. Here in South Africa we have people who are car guards. All wear a yellow vests so that you can identify them. At the very big shopping centres they normally cover two rows of cars and help you put your purchases in the boot of your car.
Sometimes one will meet you at the door when you come out with your trolley, then I say no problem take it to my car. Normally they have no idea where my car is parked you then know these are the scammers lol.
When you get near your car on your own with your trolley the person immediately know which is your car. I always thank these people and give them some money, yet they do get paid a salary but just for the help makes me feel that it is a little more thankful.
I don’t have much but if I have I will give. Now we find these people at robots that just hold their hands out and beg for money. My husband always says to these young strong people why don’t you go and get a job, even if it is only looking after cars.
We have many beggars and if you give to them all, you will be the one begging in the end. Now for the story that made me think of this. A few years ago I went to buy groceries and just as I got into my car this man came up to me saying he is so hungry holding out his hand for money to buy a bread. I switched my car off got out and took a bread, some butter and jam out of the stuff I had just bought. He looked at me as if I was crazy when I gave him the bag and said, I am hungry for money and he threw the bag on the ground in front of me. I nearly had a heart attack, he said he was hungry and I was giving him food.
I took all my stuff and put it back in the car and drove off. This man made me wonder about giving to beggers as that was something I always did. What did he want to do with the money, buy dope or liquor?
What is sad about this is he made me think twice before I ever gave anything again as he was not really hungry but just greedy. We had one beggar whom I liked and always gave to until I stood behind him one day in the bank, banking his daily earnings. After he left I said to the teller, I feel so sorry for him and always give him something when I see him as he was friendly and always thanked no matter what I gave him. She laughed at me and said, he has thousands of Rands in the bank by way of begging which really surprised me.
Now to give or not to give that is the question, yet the bible says give if someone needs something from you, but how do you know if this is just a scam or for real? Can anyone tell me how they would handle the situation as I always feel bad if I walk away and don’t give anything?
A great question! I have learned to give something they can just have there and then.. MAybe give some food, or whatever.. even just a bit of your time to have a chat.. Giving money is not the best way to help in many cases and often breeds the wrong kind of behaviour..
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Thanks for replying
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I will give them something....An opportunity or a job to help themselves.
People don't learn from hand outs, it just hurts them in the long run.
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Give of course :)
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What an article, thanks a lot My Lady. Me as well learned it hardway that don't always give, specially money.
Giving is part of life, and if you are kind you can't stop yourself doing it one or the other way. We have to give but use our knowledge as you used it when you handed in bread to the begger. I don't give money to anybody until I am certain that this will go for a good cause.
In my religion it is taught that if you gave someone money and he/she bought a gun or knife with it and injure or kill someone you are the same responsible. If he or she do drugs with that money you are also involve in that. So Give but use my knowledge how to and to whom!
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Thank you so much this seems like the perfect way to think, that is why I will always give food did not know about your religioun but it makes a lot of sense.
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You are always welcome @bigbear. Your articles are very inspirational and informative for me!
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As a person here in america I have also always been one that gives. Now I have found myself in need. I really do not want to ask for help and when push comes to shove I find it very hard to ask. So doing without has become my new life. Maybe it is the way i ask for what I think I need. For what I receive is never what I have asked for. Confusing does not even cover it. I was turned on to steemit to help myself with the help of others whom may like what I have to say.
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The Bible also says to be a good steward with what you have. Ask God what to do and even if the man is buying dope, and you dont know, give to him. Be smart though like others said. Its best to go a step further and provide them with what they actually need and not "just money".
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I do agree I is great to give food to the hungry and blankets to the cold and healing to the sick for sure....
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I give them what most people want, money! A common counter argument is why give them money when they will likely misuse it? my response is simple and firm. They have the right to make choices, who put me in a pedestal to play a father role just because I have the money? Whatever the money is used for, it is not my business and if you look at the big picture, you will see that everything has a life cycle, including "socially inappropriate behavior". Our financial contributions can help them get to the place where they finally realize enough is enough.
By rationing the money , you are increasing the desire and delaying the healing - these are my two cents derived from direct experiences for over two decades. I lost a girlfriend because I invited a few old homeless friends for Thanks-giving dinner. It was a double win and never looked back.
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I agree...
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I personally go with my gut feeling. If you seem genuinely in need, I will give what I can. However, if I get the feeling that you are just trying to get easy money I would politely smile and say I'm sorry I cannot help you today. There is no definite answer to this question in my opinion but it definitely makes for an interesting discussion
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I agree - it is a difficult situation - I always feel so sorry for all people that must stay on the street but you do get those ones that feel it is their rigtht to just get more and more and will even moan if you do not give them enough. I also strongly believe that charity begins at home and even though I would love to help everybody, I must also look after my family.
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Well, try to think about it from the other point of view. Every time, when you give something to someone who is begging, you lift your selfesteem. Because you are good, generous and rich enough, to share. Think about it like about theraphy, and about money you give is like a fee to your psychoanalyst)
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I always give a dollar if I can. I was homeless on the street and had to beg for money. I remember people judging me and yelling mean things at me, and I remember people who helped me. They were like angels. I am doing great now . I have been employed for 5 years and am a supervisor now. I am a home owner. I have 6 beautiful kids. I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't go through what I did, and I still remember that kind people helped without assumptions-so I pay it forward...
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Bigbear I understand how you feel sometimes it just get too much for me, it does not matter where you are there is someone asking you for money. And some of them get real angry if you do not give them something, I always try to rely on the "feeling" I get if I must give or not to the person asking. I have a small heart and feel sorry for them easily so I sometimes give even if I can not.
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Agree thank you for your comment.
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My pleasure.
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Great post. I'm dealing with this issue in my own life with a family member, which complicates the whole dilemma... I need to go write about this topic myself. Thanks for the inspire.
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It is my pleasure like to help we must think sometimes, greed is a bad thing but when it comes to food it is another matter.
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Very good article. I personally give to beggars regularly, but if I see a physically fit guy, I tell him to work. A man has no excuse in my country, because even if the wages are very low (by American standards it's dismal), they can always find odd jobs to do.
Resteemed to 8200+ followers. :)
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@ bigbear, This is something I struggle with on a daily basis as well. I have however decided to give to the church and recognized chrarity organisations with the hope that the monies are spent wisely!
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I agree give to church every month and charity, but sometimes you just dont know
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Very true
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If i knew how to code html i forsure wuldnt be homeless haha
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Such a powerful thought provoking post and I have had the same sort of thoughts many a time both here in NY and in other countries it's always a tough decision
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Reminds me of a little boy I gave money to here in Kenya and he gave it back to me saying he couldn't take it, it was too little and he wanted more! I was shocked to say the least. Made me think twice about giving ever since.
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Should have asked him for a few bucks.
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Its so sad and funny. You dont have to stop giving. Let karma deal with those who decieve you to get money.
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Upvoted and resteemed. Hope you can collect a fair amount to help them xx
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Thank you very much appreciate
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totally review myself in your words!
the same happened to me! normally I always help everybody in what I can!...
but, there was one time, that one friend of mine saw one of the local beggars at the bank (banking his daily earnings), and the same happened! he told to the cashier that he fells sorry for him and so, until the cashier told him that this person has more $ in the bank than both of us together!
so now is a even more tough decision to make, when I see someone begging! :/
got a new follower + upvoted + resteemed
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Hey friend! Also from South Africa. :-)
Car guards I have a lot of respect for. They stand out there for extended periods of time, rain or shine. What perturbs me is that when you return they don't usually know which car is yours.
However, they are watching over their segment per say, so I guess that aint bad.
To give or not to give? For me personally, if I have change on me ( I never carry cash on me ), I'll give. If I have food, I'll give.
But give so that no one sees you. That's my belief. Give freely, without any self glorification or to receive any praise. Just remember, that could be you.
Upvoted my friend. & followed
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I'd have to agree with your husband. I'm willing to help those less fortunate. You just don't know whether they are really down and out or just taking in the spoils from you. What I've done is offer to buy them food or get them a water. I never give money as you dont know what they will use it for. More than likely it will be used for drugs or alcohol.
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Civilization is a man made thing. Either you support it or you don't. If you do. Then give! Otherwise go live in the jungle or mountains. I always give the needy. Most beggars are messed up by their peers and family. We need to take responsibility for out fallen heroes. We don't need religion to guide our feelings. It's the feeling that giving, gives you as a person, regardless if you think its a scam or not. Do you give money to the church?
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Interesting! There was a student at Harvard in the 70's working on his Masters in Sociology. He did his thesis on panhandling (begging)... One day he would go out dressed as a bum, the next in a 3 piece suit, or even a priest and beg. The guy in the 3 piece suit was given bills, of up to $20. The bum got change.
Personally, nobody ever gave me anything, I either had to work for it or steal. I keep my money unless it's for someone in an emergency.
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Good answer thank you for your comment my dear friend
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Thank you... It was big news back in the day!
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loved it. Nice read made me think. Thank you
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We are seciety of ignorance.
It cretical mass of homeless people derect result of DRUGS .Start in kindergarden with mood altering substances. This people is product of madical pharmasutical military cartel.
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This is a very tough question that requires lots of thought. Go with your gut instincts. Never consider it judging. Sometimes you know if someone really is begging for food or fueling their substance abuse.
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There's this guy here by where I work. We call him "shakey". This man will sit out with a WAD of money (even if it was $1 bills, there would have to be at least 150 in there) and count it and still ask for money. He never pays for anything because the side deli always gives him food and coffee. I call him the richest man in Manhattan lol
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Yes funny how one finds them everywhere
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this is a great question realy hook me. upped and followed! :)
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Thank you so much will see your posts as well/
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The bible also says not to eat shrimp or work on Sundays....
I often do what you do, If they says they're hungry I buy them a sandwich if they agree to it but if they just want the money instead it's likely for drugs or alcohol.
Giving them actual money is only feeding their habit.
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We had someone in our church parking lot this morning holding a sign with his wife and two children. They did not come in for the service, but we walked outside and asked them to join us for our potluck dinner after the service, and they did.
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I helped a Guy by letting him in , to do some weeding, Had to go out, Wife gave him a full Days pay , some clothing , soap and towel , threw my Mag wheels for my car over the side fence, My Wife spotted him walking down the street with 2 wheels on his head! Good thing I was not there as I would have attempted to do the headless chicken routine on him.
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It is difficult to draw a line. It is normally the same people standing at certain robots, if you do give something, then they tend to wait for you the next day, that annoys me. The car guards, if they help me I will give them something, but not if they only show me 'how to drive'
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Here in the Netherlands people have it quite good that there should not be any beggers. Bur there are some beggers, and often when they ask money for food i also give them food. Very often they are so ungrateful, not being happy i give them food. So if i give, it would be food or clothes. If they are not happy, it means they want to buy beer or drugs. They choose to have a life as a begger. It would be a bit different when looking at African or Asian countries where the economy is less good as in Western countries.
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this is great work your really generating good engagement congrats
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thank you very much
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yw
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Hi bigbear as an ex South African I feel your frustration. There will always be honest and dishonest people out there. There are so many different angles to cover/think about when dealing with such situations. Okay so the guy has thousands in his bank account and he could well be a professional beggar but a few thousand doesn't go very far in South Africa. We are all guilty of making assumptions about others. Maybe he is saving up for something important or in case of an emergency. At least he is responsible by having a bank account. I'm sure begging must be a sole destroying thing to do. Maybe just give what you can afford to make yourself feel better and forget about the rest. I know it is tough to do. Maybe tactfully ask him a question regarding you witnessing him banking quite a bit of money and see his reaction. If he is rude about it then stop helping him. Maybe he will give you a perfectly logical explanation which will be to your liking. As far as the fool who claimed to be hungry but just wanted money he made your choice easy which made you decision easier. Fortunately here in Europe the situation is far simpler than in South Africa. Handouts are here a plenty so I refuse to give to those who are too lazy to budget. I do however give to a select few as I am fortunate to have extra to give. I will rather however give direct than to some charities who I feel are dodgy organizations who support themselves first and then give the leftovers to the those who require support. I will be upvoting your post shortly bigbear.
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This is such a tough situation, but in general, because there are so many scammers, I think it's usually best to donate to local charitable and/or church groups. Then perhaps if someone asks for money, you can instead give them a business card/flyer for the local food bank or shelter. That way, if they are truly in need, they can receive more consistent help as many such charitable groups also offer referrals for job training or any additional support, such as rehab, counseling, or medical care the person may need.
I think this is generally a safer route to go also, especially for women. We have to be careful that our compassion isn't used against us.
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Agree give to church every month thanks for the comment
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I would like to tell you one story.
In my country there are a lot really poor people and kids often beg for money on streets. My strategy was if I have I give, but one occurance changed my view five years ago. In summer 2012th one kid came to me on the street and ask for food. I took my wallet to give some money but it told me every panny it has ti give to "olders". On the other hand, if it gets some food, it can eat it.
So, I decides two things:
Consider following me and upvoting blog posts. I will transfer part of my money to those in need.
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