My battles with depression and anxiety

Depression and anxiety are tricky little things that twist your mind and can ruin your life. Depression and anxiety runs in my family, my mum suffered from it all her life, my bother has suffered from it and so has my father.
We never really talk about it between us but we all know its there and we all know the others have suffered.
My brother has scars on his arms from self harming that i never even knew about until a few years ago, the day i saw them broke my heart. we weren't exactly close at the time but knowing he had suffered and felt that way without me even noticing was horrible.

I never really believed that i had depression, I always kind of thought it was just a rough patch or just a shit time in my life. I thought i was doing something wrong and that i was unhappy because i needed a change. it seemed to come and go for me, id have 6 months at a time where everything seemed great, and then id have these crappy horrible times where i didn't even want to get out of bed, everyday i had to convince myself there was something worth getting up for and a reason to keep trudging through the bullshit that life was throwing.

About a year and a half ago i started developing breathing problems, it was like i couldn't catch my breath or like when you try and take a deep breath and you feel that relief in the bottom of your lungs, i couldn't get that. I felt short of breath all the time, just sitting down watching tv. It freaked me out, I started having panic attacks and was becoming extremely suicidal. The thought of living everyday being unable to breathe comfortably was killing me. I visited 3 different hospitals on at least 5-6 occasions. I had x-rays CT scans, spirometry tests and all they kept saying was everything is coming up normal.
The last time i went to the hospital I essentially told them if they don't have an answer for me before i leave i was going to kill myself because i simply could not deal with it. I had had to call my boss crying because i couldn't work, i had stopped doing anything. i was just sitting at home struggling to breathe.
The doctor then asked me " how many tests do i have to do before you will believe that this is in your head" and i was completely taken aback. I had never for a second considered this was a self inflicted symptom of something. He then explained about anxiety and how it was becoming increasingly likely that was the answer.
I was referred to a specialist and they began me on anti-anxiety drugs. paroxetine sandoz to be exact. 10 mg a day increasing dosage to 40,mg over the course of a month. I also completely took time off work and began to see a psychologist.
After about 2 months i finally began to see improvement. I was able to slowly begin back at work and start doing day to day activities again.
My psychologist taught me about self awareness and how to use it to my advantage when panic began to set in and other useful steps to control my breathing. with the incredible support of my employer my partner and my mother ive been able to get my life back to almost where it was before.

I still have days where i feel out of breath and like i cant catch that deep breath but they are fewer and fewer now.
During that period i didn't know how i was going to make it, i could see no light at the end of the tunnel and no escape from the daily hell i felt like i was living in. I look back and im so glad i was able to pull through and i didn't do anything stupid.
Those days were life is good it really is amazing and if anyone is struggling with depression anxiety or any other mental illness i promise it truly can get better. Please don't give up and the only advice i can give you is take everything one day at a time and don't let the darkness swallow you. Your illness isn't who you are and all of us have it in us to beat it and don't ever be afraid to ask for help because if i didn't have the help and support i did i probably wouldn't be writing this today.

Good luck and always remember, you're worth something to someone even if you don't feel it.