Living Life With Mental Health

This is something that affects me daily along with i know alot of other people around the world. so this is just a little something about how it is for me.

So what mental health issues do i have? i have suffered majorly from anxiety and depression for a long time, basically as long as i can remember. as well as having bi-polor. it is something that i feel many people don't really understand. So this is me just talking about my experiences with these illnesses.

I will start with me depression side of things, For me even getting out of bed most days is a big deal which i know to "normal" people seems like a ridiculous thing to say but for me personally some days are just so hard to actually do anything, most days i'm more than happy to just sit at home doing nothing watching terrible TV, some days i don't want to see anyone talk to anyone i literally dont leave my bedroom, id say the main reason for the way i am is due to low self esteem and always feeling like i'm not good enough for anything or anyone. i haven't ever really been bullied or anything like that but even though throughout school i feel like i had alot of good friends but i also feel like people that was my friends liked me because i did stupid things, i messed around alot in school mainly i suppose because i thought people would like me more if i was silly and funny but inside i was never really that happy so in a way i was acting all the way through school to try hide how i was really feeling about myself and about life. Which in the end saw me not getting any GCSE from school due to just not doing them. i have had several different counselling which none of them have helped really, all i found with them was them just saying the obvious "if you think more positive then you will be more positive" which for someone who has major depression doesn't really help because you are so set in your ways and mind set that you cant switch it over from being so negative to everything to being positive. Only thing that has ever made me feel good was playing football which thankfully i have started to do again over the last year or so and hopefully will continue to do. Another thing that i have also done recently which i have found has made a massive difference to how i feel about myself and alot of other things is going to the gym, doing that the last few months has helped me massively with my self confidence and losing weight has also helped with that, its something i would highly recommend for anyone who has similar problems to myself.

Anxiety. this is something that stops me from doing so many things in my life that i have wanted to do for a long time, for example i have for years always wanted to make youtube videos mainly fifa or gta stuff but i because of anxiety i have never been able to do it, i just over think everything, i am so paranoid of "failing" that it stops me from doing things that i want to do with my life. also boxing is something i have a very big interest in and would love to get involed with it but again i have never been able to go, there have been a few occasions that i have left my house to go there and i got to the door and bottled it due it anxiety. To people who don't understand the just say just go in there get on with it but when you have that mental block no matter how bad you want to do these things you physically cant do it. going to the gym has defiantly helped with anxiety though although i took me going with friends for a long time to feel confident enough to go on my own, i have always had that thought that people would be looking at me and thinking "look at him" or whatever but i have never felt like that at all since going so its something again i would recommend to anyone to do.

Last of all id just like to talk about social media sides of things, now days with facebook, twitter, instagram and other platforms it is easy for you to make out that your life is perfectly fine its easy to cover the way you really feel, and in many ways i feel this is a bad thing because your not dealing with the problem, your just cover it with fake memes and statuses. i am someone who has done this alot in the past. also in social media its so easy for people to dishing out abuse to people aswell. i see it alot on twitter people saying disgusting things to people because they think they are being funny or clever when in reality its neither, and these people don't understand how leaving a comment can affect someone mentally and cyber bullying is such a big thing these days, they don't understand mental health and there are so many people out there that need to be more educated on it.

thanks for reading people, i promise not all my posts will be like this its just something that affects me and something i wanted to talk about.

Billy.