Was BDSM the true answer to my quest? No, it was just a step on the way.

It's funny you say that, as that was exactly my/our experience.

My partner is definitely dominant, when it comes to sex - but only in the bedroom.
(although that doesn't actually mean only in the bedroom. It means when sex is on the menu for him).

He finds BDSM a little funny. Comical.
For him it is purely a psychological thing.
Physical toys are just 'props' - when he has no need for props. So it all becomes a little juvenile in the real sub dom relationship, if you see what I mean.

When i was introduced to the dynamic, I was completley new to it, so he used 'props' to make it easier for me to comprehend.
Later these were not used, when I understood exactly what was meant by the sub dom sexual relationship.

It's the most exciting journey I have ever been on , and not one I knew even existed until I met my partner. ( I can't even say 'master' without a smirk. Even that, for us, is a little... 'juvenile'?).

Nice post - love to hear about peoples personal journeys into this side of self exploration..