WE DON'T CHOOSE OUR DEATH

Christmas morning…just saw a text from Christmas Eve letting me know that a longtime friend was in a serious car accident and had slim chance to survive….

It just isn’t right…”what isn’t right you ask?” That someone who gave so much of himself to so many people…should die this way…

Face it…while death is not something we dwell on…there are times in our lives when we are forced to confront it…As a child, ​it usually began with the death of a pet… depending on the type of pet…it may involve a backyard burial or if a goldfish…a flush down the toilet…in my household, ​such a “ceremony” usually involved some reference to heaven and god…

As time went on an older relative would pass away…my parents would dress my brothers and I in our Sunday best…we’d be forced to attend the wake having little or no guidance on what to expect….and despite the lack of instruction…we’d somehow manage to look at a dead body in a coffin without freaking out. Of course, ​when we asked any questions….we’d hear once more about God​ and Heaven …

As we grew into adulthood…some of us faced the tragic death of someone around our age or perhaps as a parent…the tragic death of a child. There’s no doubt those moments cause a lot of pain and reflection…and I believe a piece of us dies with that person which we never recover.

Gradually as we trend into our senior years…the obituaries become more important to be in touch with. That coupled with the passing of grandparents…parents…aunts…uncles…even friends…leads to almost “regular” visits to the funeral parlor….Sadly one almost becomes immune to it as a method to avoid facing our own mortality…

But face it we must…and like much of life…death can seem very unfair…take my friend Steve… at age 85…about 25 years older than me…having the girth and jolly personality of a Santa Claus… our first encounter 25 years earlier involved him giving me a bear hug as I entered a twelve-step​ meeting I had been part of for a few years…honestly…the experience annoyed me…I wasn’t a huggable type…but…once I got home…I realized Steve was the one I wanted to be my “sponsor”…

Through his mentorship…friendship…guidance…listening ear…and open honest sharing about his life experience…I came out of my shell…grew up emotionally and into a human being I am proud of today…Even better…I give out hugs at meetings today…

And despite his age…Steve was still full of life…regularly attended meetings and was always available whenever I or the hundreds of others that he befriended needed a listening ear…meanwhile he religiously visited his wife in the nursing home…remaining a loving husband by her side in the 15 years since she suffered a paralyzing stroke…all that despite the multiple debilitating medical issues that challenged him.

No…regardless of his age...such a passive soul doesn’t deserve to die in such a violent unplanned way...but…"we don’t choose our death."

However, ​we do choose our life…and similar to other times in the past when forced to face my own mortality reality…I realize once more…it’s not how many moments you live…it’s how you live each moment…because…