A letter to @lynncoyle1 as I inch closer to death from Cancer

Another day has come and gone and as our year approaches I feel as close now and as happy as ever. Where does one rationalize the fact that it is possible to spend twenty four seven with someone and not feel overwhelmed. I think the answer to this is the fact that a true connection is what can only make this a reality. I do feel we are that connection and that there will be nothing that’s breaks us except death. When I awake each day it is like I am born again. No different than springtime when we see all the babies and the young pups and well see it all, hope you get what I mean. When I was little I saw a baby bird fall from its nest to the ground and actually was not even hurt. The following minutes were followed by another bird falling this time dying on the cold ground. I have to ask myself why, why do these things happen and who decides the fate of all living things. I can only say that I have now made this connection that no one controls who lives or dies but ourselves. We met and now are connected as one and nothing will ever change that or even taint that, no matter what happens now I am content to know that I have found true love, honour and loyalty that no one will ever take from us. I watch each day as our connection not only grows stronger and more powerful but now seems unbreakable. It is like the song free bird or even our song by Rhianna, I was never a fan of hers until I heard that song with you but I know in my soul that no matter where you are or how old you are that once I am gone and you here that song you will smile that sexy crooked smile, dream of me even if for a mere moment and remember everything in a blink of an eye from crib nights to dancing, kissing and knowing that what we had in life was real and like you say could never be duplicated. NEVER!!!!!!!!!
CHEERS TO THE FREAKING WEEKEND, WELL FOR US EVERY DAY WAS A WEEKEND
If at any time in your life as you move on just remember that I have tried to fight this in a way that makes me feel alive but not useless. I have fought this for us and it is your strength and love that’s keeps me going. When I am alone like this am when I had time to walk alone and I was sad to be alone but content to know that you were warm and safe in our bed. I hate walking this earth without you by my side and even if it is to do nothing more than hold your hand and feel your gaze upon me, well that’s all I can ever ask for. To me you are my raven and guide for this journey. I now believe you will do all that I need and when I close my eyes at night that even if they never open again I know that I will be taken care of the way I wanted. A true lover you are and I thank my lucky stars that we have had this and that we discovered true love together. Rare when you think about it, each day we see nothing but the boring life around us where people go about the dull routine of living. We had that same way of living in the past but FUCK ME that’s not living……..we now live a life that no matter what no one will tell us this way or that way was right, we know in our hearts and our souls that the way we have lived is the real true way. Anyway I am just blabbering on as I am so unsure of how long this can continue. Is it an eternity even after I die and when you finally join me that we will walk hand in hand among the streets and beaches in heaven together, are usual chatting or is it over when I go. I am at such a depressing feeling at times because leaving you will be harder that the actual dying if this is the case.

TRU dat--------tru Dat--------TRUUUUUU dat-------

I laugh every time you say that and the different tones. Same as the fuck me, LOL
The following is a few lines for you

No one I know talks to raven the way we do.
Probably no one listens to them either.
Perhaps, somewhere else, someone I don't know
Does converse with the true lords of the sky
I hope there are others that wait
To catch their attention, or freeze in wonder
When one sets its heavy-body down on the tree branch
Compared to the flirting, flitting finches,
Those tiny flying thistle-seeking missiles,
The Raven is the original wide-body jet black in colour
Fashionable or not, in vogue or not, the black Raven,
Black as a lunar eclipsed rainbow and when possible
I will caw back any time I get the chance.
Some say that magpies are messengers of the spirit world.
But maybe the Raven’s cousins just have that in common.
I would really hate to miss an important message
So I listen. I watch. I wait.
I take note of their habits and patterns.
And wonder and thank you Ravens for what you have guided me to
Sometimes I know they're laughing at me
When I talk to them as I am sure that to them
My accent is hilarious and unimportant

But lately the same pair has been hanging around
Every morning these two edge nearer to my soul
When I am out and dreaming and I watch ever so closely
As they come one tree closer at a time.

Yesterday the male circled around my head
In a look-see spiral before landing in a closer tree
And today the female was pacing up and down
Making me wonder is she had something important on her mind

I want to catch the message
I long to be caught up by the mystery
Of just what she has to tell me
I am so ever willing to learn

Well Babyloooo, the time seems to be so short but the feelings I have are like I have been connected to you for an eternity. An endless life of peace and tranquility that I wish others could feel but am jealous to know that very few will ever get that chance. When later in life I hope you look upon the sky each day and see me circling as I am sure I will be checking to make sure you are ok. Remember Ravens mate for life but I am sure for me that I will be alone waiting for the day when we will fly together wing tip to wing tip with the speed of an eclipse. I will sit alone upon the trees and soar the skies to look through these black eyes to you my lover so that no one shall ever hurt you. I will wait for that day when you come from nowhere to land beside me on the branch and say FUCK ME time went way to slow Sugar but I am here now. Lets fly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More to come…………stupid thoughts I am sure