The Truth

I’m doing this because I want to be a good marduk.

Eye
After careful contemplation of what it is I want to do with my life, reading plenty of book, analyzing who it is I look up to, and thinking of what it is that express the truth of what’s inside me I realized I had already been doing it all along. From a young age I had known I was different in some way. My parents enrolled me in preschool at the age of 3, a year earlier than most American children. I didn’t speak English as the son of two polish immigrant engineers. My young age and inability to speak the primary language of the country I was in did nothing to slow me down, and by the time I was in kindergarten I was already being singled out as someone with a gift for problem solving abilities. Plainly speaking, I’m smart, and always have been. This may sound arrogant but my mission is to speak the truth, and that is the truth. By 3rd grade I had been taken out of class to participate in something called project arrow, which was my school districts way of ensuring I would be a arrogant prick who saw himself as above his peers when it came to intelligence. We traded stocks and watched a young Ben Affleck talk about how to survive on a desert island. I was out of class a similar proportion of time for disobeying everything any authority figure tried to impose on me, because even then I knew I was smarter than them. I also felt restricted by the monotony of learning things I already knew and wanted to do nothing more but cause trouble, which I did to a somewhat successful degree by being aggressive, disruptive, and at one point literally tying my 3rd grade teacher to a chair by the straps of her dress (she was my favorite teacher). In the 6th grade they separated all the “gifted” children from the rest of the general population as a means of torture and to ensure that our social development was stunted even more so than it would have been otherwise. I can’t say I liked a single person who was in this program with me, and instead of reveling in the glory of being a fucking nerd who knew he was so goddam smart I turned to video games and started failing classes. By the time high school rolled around I was lazy, entitled, and wanted to kill myself and everyone around me (https://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2015/06/the-s-word/397205/). Given the circumstances I think this was the proper reaction. I finally learned to make friends my senior year of high school during a project for my government class in which myself and a partner had to go out and take photos of street signs around town. We did this with a couple other people not in the class and got high as fuck. This is how my social life began. Weed was my entrance into the social world, aside from my internet friends, and I loved it for that. It expanded my mind and gave a sense of rebellion, developed me socially and spiritually, and quickly turned me into the inklings of an entrepreneur. I graduated high school 400th in my class of 600 and went straight to community college. I paid my way through there working as a waiter and selling weed, which if you’ve ever worked in the food industry know they go hand in hand since you have to be high as fuck to deal with idiotic customers without having a mental breakdown. Since I had the freedom to chose when to go to class, do my homework, and work I actually did all of it well enough to go to a real university. I transferred there with a friend from my community college and he taught me the ways of personal development. Once somebody introduced to me the idea that you’re fate is in your own hands, you don’t have to be a victim and can improve yourself, my life would never be the same. Although to be fair it did take a heavy dose of LSD on my 21st birthday to really get the message. The point of all this bullshit about myself is to show the path of someone who had the gift of vision, was blindfolded gagged and anally raped by the American education system, and finally opened his eyes again through the use of chemical substances.

Marduk has eyes all around his head and he speaks magic words.

The magic words
If you hadn’t noticed by now I say what I believe to be true and could give 2 shits about how “politically correct” or “polite” or “intert authoritarian nonsense here” I’m being. The truth is harsh, and those are the magic words. I’m sure my big mouth got me into plenty of trouble when I was younger which is why I found my time out of the classroom and in the principles office when I wasn’t segregated with the other indigo kids already. But soon enough I learned to sit down and shut up to survive, and didn’t unlearn it til I was free from the machine. That’s why it came as a shock to me that people found what I said to be really compelling, because all I was doing was saying what was true. Little did I know that was extremely rare, and the reason why I’m compelled to spend my time attempting to articulate what should be fucking obvious. The truth shall set you free, and by that I mean that listen to yourself, follow your heart, don’t do as your told, and all the other cliches you want to throw in that are self-evident yet no one seems to understand. The fact of the matter is nobody knows what they’re talking about, take it from someone who has spent his entire life trying to decipher the world around him, through physics philosophy and psychedelics. Through sociology, psychology, and biology. Everyone is born just as ignorant as you are, and if you’re still listening to anybody other than yourself you’re doing it wrong. That’s kind of the paradox of what I’m trying to do too, is open people’s eyes to what’s been there all along, get them to see not what’s going on around them but within them. I want you to imagine 7 billion lines emanating from a single point, shooting out in every direction. Their blasting out as fast as they can but they can’t see anything, except for each other and themselves. Since they are blind the direction they chose to travel is entirely arbitrary. Despite this when one of these lines, one in a million (probably less) starts to go really straight, it just fucking choses a point and goes towards it without any regard for what any other line is doing, the other ones start to notice. You see most of these lines start going some direction and then some other line gets in their way. Parents, society, whatever it is, it stands in their path and says no wrong way. So they go some other way and are stopped again. If it were to carry on like this one can quickly see that their path goes nowhere. It’s swayed to and fro by forces outside itself and ends up right where it started. Approximately 99.9999% of these lines are doing this. In a clusterfuck going in circles only where previous lines have gone before, not venturing into any unexplored territory and being utterly fucking useless. That is until one breaks out and starts going straight. To some arbitrary point out in the distance, as straight as an arrow. The other lines take notice and begin to follow. They think, hey that line seems to know what it’s doing, look how straight it is. The secret, it has no fucking clue. It’s forming a perpetual loop, but instead of just going around in circles being swayed by all the outside forces around it, it draws its energy from itself. If it doesn’t know where to go next, it looks behind it and choses to continue on where it decides to go. Maybe the path isn’t perfectly straight when it gets zoomed out. Maybe it gets halted in it’s tracks by something that’s actually there. But then it choses another point and continues on. Without outside influence, without relying on some straighter line, but by looking at itself and knowing that whatever it choses is just as arbitrary as what any other line choses except for one key detail. It’s his own.

Now what?
Fuck once I figured this out the question was what’s my path? What do I want? And 3 things came to mind. Money, women, and computers (I think this is just power). These 3 things are what men have wanted for as long as their have been men to want them. You can read this crap and say sure, so what, I’ve heard these cliches before why should I listen to you? Well you shouldn’t first off listen to yourself, and I guarantee you know it’s true. But just to prove a point I’m going to acquire these things, and acquire a fuck ton of them just to prove that I can, and cause I want to that’s why. 6 days after the aforementioned LSD trip that opened my eyes I went out and fucked a girl within an hour of meeting her. If you had known me at the time you’d know that was a fucking miracle. Writing this a little more than a year later I have a bisexual girlfriend who I’m in an open relationship with and actively seeking to fuck other women with and who loves and supports me, I have a Bitcoin, an Ether, a 100 Ripple, and a job in computers lined up for when I graduate. I may lose some of these things, you may think them unimpressive, but I’d like to remind you that I’ve spent a little over a year pursuing them and you can’t build Rome in a day. You’ll look back on this when I’m Marcus Aurelius (the philosopher king) and think to yourself, fuck, if only I had listened to BrotherBaner/myself and chosen my own path in life instead of the one my parents/friends/society chose for me. Then I could have literally anything I wanted too. Well fucking do it now, pussy.