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It’s a very common thing to find yourself frequently annoyed by other person's in addition to our regular interactions with family, friends and colleagues. But what can we possibly do when people are just being annoying, irritating, frustrating, inconsiderate and even aggravating? Well, let's assume we are not in real danger and we do not actually need to take action to protect ourselves … usually the best practice in this case would be an internal shift instead of trying to influence or change the behavior of the other person.
The suggestion in itself could be frustrating for some person's... really, why should I have to change our own behavior when ever vividly it's the other person who's being aggravating? (a friend of mine would always ask)
Well, the reason for this is due to the fact that with just a simple single shift, you could be happy and get along with any person, yes any person at all. But once you attempt changing every other person, you would just turn out quite miserable.
Let's look at how legendary Buddhist teacher Shantideva illustrated this with a metaphor:
Where would there be leather enough to cover the entire world? With just the leather of my sandals, it is as if the whole world were covered. Likewise, I am unable to restrain external phenomena, but I shall restrain my own mind. What need is there to restrain anything else?
Look at this metaphor and imagine that the surface of the Earth was covered with shards of glasses and let's say some couple of other sharp surfaces…on one hand you could try to discover a covering for the whole world, as this would help you could walk confidently and in comfort..but then, you wouldn't be able to do it, you would never be able to do it. Rather you just have to cover your own feet, this would help you navigate through perfectly. This is where the idea of shifting your own mindset comes it, it would help you in dealing with irritating people. Let’s put this into practice to work on that shift.
- A Simple Practice To Adopt
The moment you happen to find yourself getting angry or rritated by the behavior of someone else … you'd notice that your mind would first of all begin to build up a story of resentment about them. Well, this story isn’t really helpful as it just makes you very unhappy, to back it up; it would end up worsening your relationship such persons and even others and ultimately results in you becoming a person you'd not want to be.
So the practice is to drop that story, and rather try this out
Taking into cognisance the fact that you don’t like the way the person is behaving and you are not really happy with your current experience with such person. In this light, you are really just rejecting this part of reality, rejecting a certain part of life. Consider opening up to all of life, and do this without rejecting.
Reflect on a river that flows downstream, imagine wishing it would flow upstream. It would just bring you unhappiness to wish that the river were different than it were. Now imagine that this other person is the river. Wishing they were different just brings unhappiness.
Just look at them just the way they are and then open up your heart to them, just as they are. Be ready to see them as they are, a suffering human being, with lots of flaws and then some habitual ways of acting out which could be quite irritating, but are actually still human. *So how can we love humanity just as it is?
See how it shifts you. And see how it opens you up to connecting to your fellow human beings, and the vast experience of life, just as it is.