The Art of Manipulation- do you do it?

My previous post was about whether or not fate exists- which was a pretty big subject to discuss. So, before I start posting about pugs or fashion trends (God help me), I kind of want to dip my toes back into the magical and mystical pools of social psychology. As you guys know, I majored in psychology at the University of Stellenbosch and social psychology was my absolute weakness. So, if you don't mind-come take my hand and let's begin exploring. However, please note, and this is a big NB- I am in no way a qualified psychologist. The content of these articles are merely opinions; very basic 'food for thought,' so please feel free to comment and share your opinion! That's how we learn and broaden our minds.

The topic I want to tackle today is manipulation. The word immediately creates an uneasy sensation inside of me. I don't like this word- My dad raised me to avoid manipulators, my best friends have had the pep talk with me about men who manipulate, even all my Glamour magazines have warned me against these types of people.

But then I had a re-look at the word: manipulation. Manipulation is the act of getting what you want from others by using some sort of sneaky technique. For example, trying to make someone feel sorry for you in order to get what you want. Now, I have always associated the word with some form of violence or toxicity. Let's say, a helpless woman who is in some sort of abusive relationship and is being manipulated. However, let's take the violence and toxicity away. Let's carefully reconsider...

(Long dramatic pause for effect).

Do you know what, everyone? I am a manipulator. I do it- most days, if not every single day. I didn't realize it until my best friend pointed it out to me the other day. Now, me being me, I just have to share my story with you. Personally, I don't find myself incredibly good-looking but I don't find myself ugly either. I'm an easy in between. However, I do know what I get complimented on the most. (AH HAH- manipulators always know their strengths and weaknesses- just saying). When guys compliment me, it will always be either on: my smile or my eyes. Always. So, knowing this, I was chatting to a guy the other day and I sent him a selfie (cringe I know, but bare with me). All of my selfies are always the same- I make sure to focus on my eyes and my smile. My best friend (also room mate) commented and said "You know how to get what you want hey." I laughed and didn't give it a second thought.

Later that day, I needed my dad to pay in some money into my account. It didn't have to be a lot, I just needed a bit to get my hair done for Huisdance (see Huisdance article for some pictures!)The exact amount that the lady was charging was R200, so I got out my phone and sent him a Watsapp message: "Hey puppy (yes-we call him puppy). Can you please put in some money into my account? Please not a lot, I only need R200. I just want to get my hair done for this big dance. If you can't then I totally understand. Love you." Send. Later that evening- 300 bucks was deposited. Boom. I know exactly how to wrap that man around my pinkie. However, I just did it again! I manipulated my dad.

Puppy and I.

Manipulation, I've learnt, is a lot like lying. It's something which everybody does and it takes place on a large scale. For example, you get your little white lies and your big lies-just like how you can manipulate someone in a tiny way or in a massive way. Please don't get me wrong- I felt horrible when I realized these things about myself. I obviously don't do them with conscious intent. (For example: "Hmm-how can I make Ashley give me that sandwich?")However, what I am saying is, I've noticed that manipulation takes on small forms too. Let's get back to the sandwich example. I would never consciously plan on manipulating Ashley (Ashley is my room mate by the way- say Hi Ashley!)but, if she had to offer me a piece, I would say something like "Ah no, I feel so bad, that's your sandwich." This type of response immediately allows the other person to feel a little bit sorry for you, and thus, they are more inclined to share their sandwich with you. Well, that's just my opinion, based on my personal experiences anyways.

So the next time you bat your eyelashes at someone just so that they can help you (Think: your WiFi isn't working and you need this tech guy to help you), think about what you are doing. Why is it in our human nature to lie and manipulate just to get what we want? What does this say about our relationships and interactions with others? Personally, I am proud of myself for admitting that I do sometimes manipulate others to get what I want. It's definitely something worth working on. However, is a little nudge here and there really so bad?