Failure after failure after failure... after failure! I have tried everything in my power to be successful but success seems to shy away from me. What have I done wrong? What am I not doing right? I've been good. I am not a bad person. I am kind to everyone I meet. I am good at what I do. I keep positive outlook all the time, up until now.

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Is this your story?

Is failure really necessary to obtain success? A much better question is, Do I have to go rock bottom to realize there is no other way but up?

Necessary evil?

Failure is devastating to someone's dreams. It shatters certainties in your life and leaves you doubting yourself whether you are up for the task at hand or you are simply a "failure".

Failure is a gift, some psychologists say. It makes you stronger, wiser by gleaning lessons from it. But failure can leave you all broken up... into pieces even. And putting yourself together is the hardest thing to do especially when you feel you'll just fail again.

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Every motivational speaker glorifies failure as something necessary in order to succeed. They make money out of this dilemma and try to sugar-coat its reason of existence. Heck, this post might make some money just because I capitalized on other people's experiences and try to make them feel better.

Do I really have to fail in order to succeed? I know I had to and have to, maybe for the rest of my life. But I am not sugar-coating failure as something you have to aimlessly accept as swallowing hook, line, and sinker. It's not pretty to fail. It's probably the ugliest part of being successful.

Why is failure inevitable?  Well, one reason is that we are NOT in control of EVERYTHING. Another reason is that we are NOT perfect! Nobody is, and if someone tells you otherwise, he is a FOOL!

And if failure is inevitable, how do we overcome it? 

PHOTO CREDIT: BEEKMANSCHOOL.ORG

Here are some facts you need to know about failure, as listed by Dr. Guy Winch of Psychology Today. Understanding and knowing these facts about failure should help us soften the blow.

1. Failure can make you think that your goal is unattainable just because you did not get the result you expected with a number of tries. You have posted, how many, 30 or 50 posts in Steemit and nobody seems to "like" your posts. Upvotes are less than 10, sometimes only 1 and you spent so much time working on that article just to catch people's attention. Then you post 10 more and get the same result. Success "seems" less and less attainable each post.  It distorts your perception of that same goal, according to Dr. Winch.  You doubt yourself because the more you post, the more it appears that your efforts are fruitless. You throw in the towel.  
   
   WHAT TO DO: Look at your goal on a different angle. Ignore that distorted perception, change your attitude towards it.

2. Failure also nurture self-doubt and doubt of your abilities. Not only failure distorts your perception of the goal in front of you, you now doubt yourself and your abilities to succeed. You second-guess every post you submit, and every time you decide to hit that "POST" button, doubt sets in even before your finger presses that blue box.  
   
   WHAT TO DO: Believe in your abilities and accept the fact that you can't win them all. There are other factors that are beyond your control. Focus more on what you can do and improve on your skills while you're at it.
   
3. Failure makes us feel helpless. And most of the time we believe that we are. When you have failed 30, 40 times it is very easy to believe that you are never going to make it. Failure does not only make you believe you're helpless, it also makes you believe you are hopeless. When hope is gone, everything is gone.
   
   WHAT TO DO: Let your mind rule over your heart. You're feelings are not always the best way to assess things. Be logical, not emotional. Be objective, not subjective.
   
4. One failure can develop an unconscious "fear of failure." How much more if you've failed 30 or 40 times? Now you develop the "fear of failure" telling yourself, "What if I don't get votes for my post today? I don't want to fail again!" You will be tempted not to act out on your goals because of this fear. But you are also opting out of any success you may gain.
   
   WHAT TO DO: Shake that fear off. Don't be afraid of feeling bad about one single failure. Embrace the fact of life: You cant' win them all. Every battle is fought differently. And there's always an opportunity for you to win.
   
5. Now that you have "fear of failure", you are prone to unconsciously self-sabotage. You have lost hope and felt helpless. You now make excuses not to pursue the goal in front of you. You try to mask the fear of failure by doing something else away from the road to your success. By doing so, you are putting yourself at risk to self-destruct and to other unacceptable consequences.
   
   WHAT TO DO: Realize that only by persistence and determination that we really attain success. Face the fear, accept responsibility, and quit making excuses. They are two steps backwards to failure.
   
6. Fear of failure is hereditary and your children are most likely to get it from you. One unacceptable consequence of self-sabotaging is the values and influence we pass on to our children or to those who are looking up to us. There is nothing more devastating than showing ourselves defeated in the midst of failure. And by defeated I mean giving up and losing hope. When children see that we let fear control our lives and that we accept defeat on every failure that comes our way, we pass on to them that fear of failure. Consequently, they will believe that giving up on every failure is okay, which is NOT!
   
   WHAT TO DO: In all your power, for the sake of those who look up to us, let us fight the good fight to succeed. Brush off that fear and show them that we can be successful even in tremendous failures the come our way.
   
7. The fear of failure and the pressure to succeed causes performance anxiety and choking. Have you done something you already know how to do but because of the pressure to make it perfect you eventually screw things up? Overthinking about being successful can put pressure to yourself.  This will put you in a tight spot thus increasing anxiety which leads to poor performance, which eventually leads to failure. A great singer can screw things up by overthinking how a simple note can be more beautiful just because of the pressure to make things better.
   
   WHAT TO DO: Do not panic and believe in yourself that you are great at what you do. Do not try to correct what is already perfect!  Rephrase and paraphrase the narrative of the road to your success instead of overthinking how to do a task you already are good at. While setting a higher standard is ideal, being realistic is far better.
   
8. Whistling a favorite jingle or muttering your favorite poem can help you win over choking. Choking is caused by pressure to succeed. And since you have been failing for quite some time now, you tend to "up" your blogging by changing a simple and comprehensible word into a more highfalutin term that eventually no one understands. This results in an output nobody really wants to read as it would require a dictionary to get what you really mean.
   
   WHAT TO DO: You gotta stop and smell the roses, so to speak. Simple words are better used to get your ideas through. And when you are tempted to correct what is already perfect, pause... mutter the word you're trying to kill and listen to it intently. Then mutter the new word. The simpler, the better. Whistling gives your brain a timeout from overthinking and takes the pressure off of your psyche. Then make your final decision.
   
9. Exercise your willpower as you exercise your muscle. But make sure to give it ample time to rest and properly nourish it. Will power can be drained by overthinking. Fatigue and stress wear out the willpower thus making it under-nourished. And when a muscle is under-nourished, it loses its strength.
   
   WHAT TO DO: Be kind to your mind. Let it rest. A stressed out psyche is of no good to anyone. Especially to you. Nourish your brain by nourishing yourself. Our brain is the most complicated organ in our body and when it is not under control, it can shoot electrical signals that may result to undesired output.
   
10. The response to failure is healthiest when you focus on the things you can control. We become hopeless, helpless, anxious, and sometime irritated with the things we can't control or should have control over but failed to do so. Failing at one point at something should give you the opportunity to evaluate your situation. Dr. Winch suggests to make a list of the things you are in control, break down the tasks or goals into manageable parts and work on them.

    Same is true with the things you are not in control. As you list the things you have no control over, try to find ways to take control of them, at least partly, if not totally. Improve your skill-sets, acquire more knowledge or learn a new discipline relating to the issue at hand, build more relationships with the right people to aid you in doing these tasks, prepare for the inevitable and unexpected, have more than one plan, and so on.

    But focus on the things you are in control. Improve on the things you are doing and don't stop innovating and being creative. As you manage and do things you are in control of, the feeling of helplessness will slowly shy away and hope is restored. You will be motivated to try again, and again, and again. And every time you try, you improve and people will start to recognize your efforts. You are now on your way to success.

    Conclusion

    Failure is inevitable as the sun rises to the east and sets on the west. But we can keep failure at bay when we understand how failure works and affects our psyche and ultimately utilize our failures as stepping stones to our success.

    Come follow @cjclaro as I share my thoughts, my life's journey. You might find lessons in my posts you can learn without the mess of experiencing them on your own. Like they say, "Experience is a difficult teacher. It gives the test first, then the lesson."