I'm almost 50, and cancer is a big killer in my family. I've seen a sister, a mom, a dad, taken by cancer. Dying from cancer is painful, ugly, miserable - for the dying and for those who mourn the dying. After seeing my sis die I decided I would NEVER do chemo. But hey, quality of life, right? As far as suicide goes? - I'm bottom bouncing myself, these days. I have some days I wake up and say "shit, there might be something for me if I keep fighting and trying ..." - and then there are the days when I realize that I'm almost 50, divorced, and my demographic is blamed for every crime of history but I seem to be desperately broke and in debt despite my power clique membership. The last interview I had? - the Indian hiring manager at Microsoft was rude, a jerk. The general feeling I get from Seattle is "Dan, you might be welcome here, if you become a pod-person like us ..."

On those days? - I think about the different ways I could kill myself, on a budget.

I want to say "hang in there", but that almost has a "noose" feeling to it ...

Some life-hacks, pertaining to the subject ...