Deep panic grips my emotions now. My heart just reacts by being in a constant high pressure beating and I hope it finally stops so I can also finally rest. I don't know why other patients die so soon without much suffering and some others like me just are given one after the other a battering ram of misery.
My mouth is now wide open everytime, my upper lip doesn't touch my front teeth anymore, gums are swollen but not painful and I now have a speech disability, so I am embarrassed just by speaking. I can't enjoy a hot cup of coffee anymore. I just wait for it to cool cool down to a warm temperature then I pour it into my mouth while lying down, keeping in mind not to spill because my pillow will get ruined. There are more than six billion people in the planet and I think I seem to be only the one that have gotten this problem. It wasn't like this just a month ago so the problem is exponentially progressing.
Leontiasis is such a rare disorder and how unlucky can I be that had it. Thanks for my ability in keeping myself alive for a long time with my own resources and I ended up with an unwanted price, the price that I paid in defying many tragedies that came into me. So I am now in a worry, I worry now in a lot of things, the things that I wasn't expecting that I now have to expect because that lately is what really is happening. I had fought long enough, I just need my graduation and yet the diploma maker seemed yo have died or forgotten about me.
I don't know what to do anymore but I will hold on. I will just keep my mind off it all and let it all out here at steemit. I will just try to do what I can because this is a sole effort, I am the one holding my own steering wheel and I am just lucky to have some family and friends in other parts of the world that supports me. Keeping myself sane and comfortable is my number one priority because it is what I need with some prayers and love for all this battle-weary soul of mine.
I can feel the pain in your words. Remember that nothing is permanent and all things pass. You're strong and you'll get through this.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
By reading your post i know that you're a strong person bravely facing this head on while trying your best to live life fully for some time. Glad to hear that you have great people around you. I know this is not much of help but still i'll pray for you to get better. I believe that miracles do happen :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I am just holding it together really @whitearcana and I believe I had kept this struggle long enough and now wanted to bail out for good because the fight just got uglier.
Just thanks for the love I get especially from my parents who really are the hand of God for me on this world, plus some steemit friends around the world who seem to know and feel what I feel, otherwise they would just ignore and go on for the next post or so. Then they show support and I do value that and thankful for at least I won't worry about some of the financial aspect of my problems.
Thank and I appreciate your support and prayers. I do believe in miracles but I would ask the bringer of it that a miracle is too late now, the bringer can give it to the next fellow who needs it maybe more than I.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
With your words you make me feel your pain, I understand that it is hard what you are feeling, and I know that it is not much that my words can encourage, but do not faint, go ahead because you are very brave, God is with you and remember that for Him There are impossible! I will keep track of you!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
hang in there!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Sorry to hear you are having a tough period emotionally.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I am thanking you again @thecryptofiend for all the support that you had given me eventhough we are worlds apart, we don't even live in the same continent and yet the weight of help I received from you is actually unimaginable for me. Sometimes I wonder if how is like to be your family member or even a close friend because you seem to understand my condition in life, I also appreciate your sympathy for me.
I had been sickly all my life. I thought I could wait for my body to just heal, but it just gotten worse over the years. I am just hoping for some relief now until something gives up.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Hang in there my friend. If there's anything I can do please let me know! ( Via comments or PM ).
Upvoted
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Thank you @iamnotageek
Yes, as a steemian of course we all wanted to get some exposure for our posts so we can somwhat earn so maybe resteeming support will help or just a prayer will be better. I will appreciate it very much.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Consider it done. Prayer my man! It's powerful !
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
It saddens me that among of all people, you got that Leontiasis. I honestly never heard of that before. But whatever that illness has struck you, just always pray to God and you will feel better. God bless you always
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I am always praying, I believe God still can look at me and take notice.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I do admire your courage and openess by sharing your deepest thoughts and fears. While many of us out in this community are completely strangers to you, I do want to let you know that we are all connected in spirit and I can feel your emotions. Please know that eventhough it seems that He has forgotten you, I can reaasure you that it is not. Please continue to love and receive love as it is the healing power within. You are not defined by the outer, but by the innerself. You are stronger than you think. Remember whatever the competition is, you have already won.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Thank you @karinlvira for all your kind words and encouragement. I couldn't care less about some of my hardships but all these misery piling one after the other and threading upon me while I am down and out is what I am crying about because it is just hard to carry them anymore.
I am still here and not losing spirit as I see support even from distant real friends like you too.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Dear @cryptopie. I can most certainly understand that your feeling cornered by all the challenges your facing everyday. Start focusing more inwards and less on the symptoms that are visual on the outside. He is carrying you with every step you take. Maybe it is time to explore the world within. You may find some strenght in a view articles I have shared with this community based on my own experiences. Whenever you need an ear, I am just one click apart.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I'm sorry to hear that, wish you get well :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Thank you @pepe.maya
I'm gonna request for a fluid weight reduction tomorrow, hopefully I will feel more better than right now.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I don't know anything about living with Leontasis, i can't imagine how is fight with day after day with your condition. But i know a lot about panic, the panic runing all inside your skin, and let me say (if i can help) just embrace the panic, just take it a give it a hug, take your panic and love it, is the only way to transform it into peace.
Strenght my brother, yes, the battle will have no end, but this battle make you what you are, this battle make you the great man that you are.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Yes but no matter how I turned my head to ignore fear, worry, and panic, it just keep on turning my face in front of it all.
Some people told me to keep on fighting on but I am not a warrior nor a soldier and this is not Sparta.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
You have everything that you think you're not. We are nothing compared with you and I can tell from what I read that you are accepting your condition and you're ready when the time comes..... Rest well.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I feel deeply sad for the rare condition that you are going thru. It also makes me realised of myself and other who are having a healthy lifestyle and yet not grateful of the give of God. I will keep you in my daily prayers even though it would not be much help. Do keep yourself busy do not give up and have faith and trust your higher power, the God of your own understanding. There must be a reason behind everything that is happening in your life. Thank you for having the courage and strength even at your difficult moment. Live life one day at a time.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Yes @anbannathan people should realize that they are just so lucky having a healthy body. It is what I am telling people and they really have to be grateful because living like in my case for most people is unacceptable enough to claim their own lives and not fight.
It is just I value my life too, my existence because there is no restart button in this world, only a fresh install in a new system where there will be no more tears, heat, and suffering.
But I just want to rest now, I am already overdue and tired.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I had never heard of Leontiasis so I googled it. I can't even image what you are living with. But you sound like you have a good support system in your favor. But I am saying prayers for you. I don't know if that helps you a stranger praying for you but it's the best I can do.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Leontiasis is a progressive disfigurement and it gives me a disability in speaking and eating and that worries me a whole lot than I can imagine.
If you would pray for me then you are my angel @coffeetime and not a stranger.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Very beautiful. I feel alot of ways similar. You are rare. You are strong. And love is not far from you.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
If it is hard I can battle it out but at some point soon I will capitulate. I am just maybe used to most of my body's infirmities and trying to handle it and I am just lucky also to get some support and care even from strangers that I find as the hand of God on earth.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Can you get a new kidney?
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
It is the least now of my worries. The complications are the ones that gives me my misery now. Not enough money and support if I would get a kidney lus I think it is too late for a kidney now.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Ive read more of your post and have better perspective now. Your story has really opened my eyes. I put you in my diary post today. Ty for your blogs they have really helped me.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I pray for you. Keep your mind open for a kidney. I know, no money, no one cares. But never lose hope. I feel for you.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Thank you @weirdheadaches for your kind thought.
I am still thankful that this thing happened to me and not my loved ones, it might be more painful to bear it within me.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit