My later assessment that I had an incurable condition with no more insight of an easy resolution

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I finally learned later that my health condition(s) have no possible cure.

Many people had already asked me for what was the cause of my kidney failure and I told them before that it was caused by an auto immune disease but by the complication of having a frequent tonsillitis. It is the only sensible thing which I can think about because indeed, I had some bought of tonsillitis during my youth and I also know that frequent tonsillitis would make an individual at risk of getting a complication of developing either a rheumatic heart disease where the immune globulins would get attached to the valves of the heart and distorting it in the process because these globulins would cause the flaps to get an infection. The other complication is about the globulins attaching themselves to the filters of the kidneys and causing inflammation until eventually both the kidneys are destroyed over a long-term period.

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After my own assessment, my own tonsillitis history was really not the root cause but a similar issue with my hyper-immune system which killed a possibility of a future Kidney transplant.

But after I had factored-in the symptoms that I previously had even while I was still being conceived by my mother made me to think that I was already sick even before I was born. It is because my mother thought that I was a girl while she was pregnant because she had observed that I do not move much in her womb and far different from what she experienced while conceiving my elder brothers. Then when I was about one year old, I manifested the sign of anemia which is being not able to sleep and this is my own explanation about it. One day my mother failed to make me stop crying and she was already getting tired about dancing around with me around her arms and trying to pacify me without avail. That is why at that delicate age I was already suffering from insomnia and here is why. My neighbor at that time already noticed about about a baby (me) is crying non-stop, so he went over our house, the old house which was built by my grandfather before this current house got built. Our neighbor talked to my mother saying that he assumes that my mother can possibly afford to take me to the hospital so that I can get some help for a proper healthcare from in order to see what was wrong with me at that time.

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Having terrible headaches during my younger years aside from being comparatively weak and the earlier symptoms when I was a baby were the key factors on why I had come-up with a self-diagnosis that it was an autoimmune disease that ruined my life eventually right before I was born.

During that time my father was already working abroad which is why we still have some budget for a hospital visit. My mother took heed about what our neighbor told her so we went to the hospital in the city as my mother had told me later when I asked her. At the hospital they possibly took a test for my complete blood count and discovered that I was anemic so I was given a bag of blood which later I suspected to be the cause of my liver's viral disease. Anyway, being anemic at a very young age is not good in my opinion, something has to have caused it. During the late 70's there is no such a thing as a "newborn screening" where they test the baby's blood either after birth or a few days later to see if the child has an underlying disease process so that it can get treated early so that it will not worsen later while the child was growing. That is why my impending Kidney failure went by without us having a clue what was going on because while I was growing up we really have no more budget for a proper healthcare nor my parents having a sensible heath insurance to cover for a future health problems.

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A newborn screening test could have been turned my life around in a normal way of life but that test was non-existed when I was born.

Anyway, my auto-immune disease had progressed to weaken my Kidneys until they finally failed. But I was tested with a biopsy of my Kidneys before it totally failed, at that time my Kidneys are already half-functioning as told by one of the doctors in the outpatient department where we went to get my Kidneys treated. Now, the biopsy had revealed that the cause of my Kidney condition was my own immune system attacking my Kidneys. The doctor couldn't cure it or at least control it because one of the tests also revealed that I have a Hepatitis B as well and treating my Kidney would affect my liver as told by my doctor. He was one of the leading Nephrologist at that time and I can't remember if he also does surgery. He also was given a position of being a health secretary of our country later. Also after submitting my test results for him to asses, he also said that even if I would get a Kidney transplant, the disease would comeback like before and it is not good especially if I would be taking an immune suppressor after a supposed Kidney transplant where I will be more susceptible from infections because of an overwhelming immune system globulins that would again attack the new kidney. It was my birthday during that moment and what a terrible gift that I received. I already knew what would happen and while going home inside the bus I was already crying.

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Learning about my doctor's assessment and opinion, I already knew what was coming. I just stopped dreaming about my plans in the future and sank my head in the sand because my family has no budget for seeking a proper cure anyway nor a top doctor having doubt that I can foresee a brighter future. I jut clung for a blind hope that all of these things might go away if I will wait for a longer time but it didn't. It was only the beginning of worse days to come but the days went on for more than two decades now for the longest torture a man can ever endure.