Having to go into the doctors office never leaves you with a comfortable feeling, how many sick people have touched that handle? What will they say this time? What personal questions will I have to feel embarrassed about answering? Will she give me a straight answer or suggest more tests?

I do however look forward to my counsellor visits with Blair, he is a deep thinker like myself. We share a very similar view of the world around us and we relate to each other very well. He is puzzled by how someone with such a strong personality and ability to think from a third perspective can be hindered by life events.

Large difference between us I carry responsibility for everything. Today we dove into some interesting talks about how I do just that, carry the responsibility for all events. Protecting everyone even those that have done wrong by me! He said it is very honourable but the question remains is it a selfless act? He says nothing in life is really truly selfless, rather always it relates back to why you did it in the first place and how you feel.

You see a homeless man sleeping and put a blanket on him, he will never know it was you because he is sleeping. Why did you do it? For the sake of helping another? Or because it makes you feel better knowing you have helped someone?

You see this is something I do constantly, never do I have the reservations to think as to why rather I just do it! Does it make me feel better? Yes! Does it help someone else? Not always, when I end up protecting someone who is in the wrong because I cannot stand the idea of being involved with the conflict I am only punishing myself. They do not get the opportunity to grow and learn from the situation thus I am not just protecting them but myself from the emotional backlash. Isn’t it odd to think there really is no selfless act other then giving your life for a genuinely good cause. Firefighters are selfless, Police officers are selfless, the mother who risks her life for her child is selfless but I know truly I am not even though it could be perceived as such.

Will I stop? No, my mother taught me to always put other people’s interests and feelings above my own. I have an ability many others don’t, I can place myself so deeply within their shoes I no longer look at the situation from an outside perspective. People need to be led, that comes from understanding of the situation and the correct path. Each path is not correct for each person rather it must be refined to suit the needs of the individual. By understanding I can think from a perspective of what would be an acceptable path for that individual. From there I am already in place with them and ready to tackle the challenges as if they are my own. I have the potential to do a lot of good but at what expense? It will always be my own, now is that selfless knowing I am willing to embrace their challenges as my own for their sake always to be at my expense? No, if I don’t do it I will forever hold resentment for not trying thus it is just a selfless act to protect myself.

Don’t take this the wrong way it’s all just thoughts to understand myself along the road of getting the help I need.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!!!

Thats it @d00k13 OUT

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