Storm

We are a storm that came one day in the middle of the rainy season. No one was prepared for the level of intensity that we brought with us. Not the weather forecasters. Not even you. Not even me.

We were just both low pressure areas. Feeling low. Feeling pressured. Feeling scattered in different places.

We were in different cliques. We were apart most of our lives. We were just plain old classmates back in the first grade. I didn’t think about you for the past years, and I’m hell of sure that you didn’t, too.

I must have passed by you in the streets. You must have passed by me for we live in the same area. But I don’t remember that we bumped at each other and get the “sparks” of our lifetime. 

You’ve been with too many girls. I’ve been with a fair number of boys. No one really saw that “we” could happen. I thought that “we” were just a possibility – a one to million chance. I thought that we may happen, but not in this lifetime, or in this world to say the least.

It took some teasing, a few laughs, an exchange of messages, and a long night full with stories. It took us enough courage and hope before we could start our story.

It’s not love at first sight, that’s for sure. But I bet my life it’s a lot more magical than that. It only took me months to fall so deep in your ravine. It only took us months to figure out where we fit.

Those months are relatively short and long at the same time when we’re enjoying talking with each other. You sent me photos, and I’ve felt really special. We’ve shared ideas. We’ve talked until dawn. You call me your angel. I call you my guardian. It may be too cheesy for our liking, but I was happy and contented.

So happy and contented until that day came… that day when I started feeling jealous over the thought of you with other girls. When I figured that I wasn’t the only one you’ve been sending your pictures to. When I realized that your world is vast and I’m just a speck of dust in it.

I’ve said too many goodbyes but I’m the only one who hears it. I was too scared to voice it out because I might ruin the special connection I have with you. I was tired of the pain, but I was not ready to give it all up especially when you told me you like me. I was ecstatic. I was expectant. I was hopeful. I told you I like you, too. Without hesitations. Without thinking of the risks and the warning signs that were flashing in my eyes.

You told me you like me. I told you I like you. But you said you’re not ready yet. You want time for yourself first. That you’re a jerk and you don’t want to hurt me once we put a label on this connection.

I wanted to believe you. So bad. But deep down, I know that these are only excuses. You might not really want to be with me. Half of me understand your side. This was all so sudden. Half of me don’t.

Days passed and we’re both on our edges. We were having small fights. Some nights I cry myself to sleep because my emotions bottled up inside me. I was thinking how could you tell me you like me and then not get the responsibility.

I was thinking a lot. I was thinking too hard it wears the energy off my body and soul. I was thinking too deep… then I’ve had enough.

I told you we could just be friends. That maybe I’m not the one who could change your heart about commitments. That it’s unfair for you if I insist that I want a label. I’ve become enlightened that this is the kind of love I could give you. I wanted to love you all for myself but I learned that it doesn’t work that way. You are your own person even before I know you. You have so much more around you.I told you before that I don’t want to become friends with past lovers because everything will not be the same anymore. But with you, I was so ready to change that belief. I wanted us to at least be friends. I was gonna let you go from the burden of being liked by someone who is imprisoned by jealousy and want of commitment. I was gonna let you go.

But you were pissed. No, pissed is not the term. You became angry, and I didn’t know why. Was it because I wanted to call off what’s going on between us? You seem to be the kind of guy who can, with just a snap of your finger, can have me replaced. Your actions and words confused me. 

We’re fighting from that night until the next day. I was taking my words back because apparently, I couldn’t stand my decision. I just wanted us to be okay. I wanted the past back. I was ready to accept our set-up wholeheartedly.We were calm the following night. We just talked. Out of nowhere, you asked me if I accept you for who you are and I said yes. You asked that same question before, and I answered the same answer. Before, I expected you would pop that question but you didn’t. So I was never really sure if I heard you right the first time you told me that we’re now a couple.

It was unromantic but that’s the least of my concern.

For the first few weeks or months, I wallowed in self-pity when I thought that you’re just pressured because I want exclusivity. Before we entered this relationship, you said we’ll just try. We’ll try if we could fit. We’ll try if this works just fine.

I agreed to that. Relationships are nothing but trials and errors. You can always leave, I told you. And if you want out, just give me the respect to let me know before everyone else does. That’s our deal.

Our love is intense. The feelings… the emotions… everything is overflowing. Our love is deep. Our love is radical. This is not the story where you are a prince and I am a princess. You’re not perfect. I am not flawless. We were molded by each of our own mistakes and bad decisions.

And even being together, we still have our struggles. We were the same in a lot of things, and maybe that’s why we fight like mad men. We have strong opinions, and we always want to prove a point. But at the end of the day, when all has been said and done, we make up. We make up like normal couples do. We admit our mistakes. We cry because this is not how we want it. We get tired but our love is tough and we refuse to fall apart. Not now. Not ever.We started a little differently, but who the hell cares? I believe that we are growing. I believe that we’ll reach maturity together, and I believe that we’ll always be the children with pure hearts and genuine smiles.

We’re together for more than a year now. We exceeded the point where people categorize the seriousness of relationships by how long it is. It might be short but it seems so long with you. From day one, it felt like we’ve been talking for the last decade. We’ve shared each other worlds, and we’ve pat each others’ backs. We’ve fought, kissed, and made up.

Looking back, everything seems so distant. Who knew that we’d fall for each other. The kind of fall I wanted in the first place. Who knew that the kid I vividly remember being called JC boy is now my love. Who knew?

We are a storm that came one day in the middle of the rainy season. No one was prepared for the level of intensity that we brought with us. Not the weather forecasters. Not even you. Not even me.