What if?

Growing up i had my fare share of roller coaster rides. There is a lot that went wrong...things that could go right, never did. My parents divorced when i was still pretty young. That was one of the hardest things for me. Everyone has their own battles they face on a daily basis.
Details are not clear...i however do remember that it happened during a 6 week period while my dad went away for a training course. He came back and was told by my mom that she wanted a divorce... it happened so fast!

With the divorce came a lot of extra baggage... and the new guy, well i never took a liking in him at all. Your gut just tells you when there is a snake in the grass! We lived with my mom after the divorce...moved to a different town even. Thats when it started... late night visits, candy to keep one quiet. If mom went to the store and you stayed behind, you knew what was about to happen. "Mom, please can i go with you...No, i will be quick!" Watching television even had its down side...mom will get up to fetch a drink, then comes the quick slip of the hand down the shirt or pants. Being terrified to go to bed simply because you knew you'd have to be tucked in and...

I thought i was the only one going through this, until i confided in my sister one day. She told me the same has been happening to her. I was sad for her, but relieved to know i am not alone in this no more. I remember it like it was the other day, we had chicken pox and he offered to put balm on it. Every day the same routine, for a week. Of course mom had no idea... it was always a quick slip here and hands down the shirt there. This went on for about a year.

School was out and we went to visit daddy for the holidays. He was seeing someone at that time...what a sweet lady she was. One week into our vacation is when it came out. My sister was taking a bath and happened to mention it to my cousin. Whom went straight to my grandmother and told her the whole story. My dad was making his bed in the other room...she walked in and said: "there is something you need to know that's been going on!" I remember being so mad at my sister for telling. Filled with fear of what would happen... all i could hear was his voice in my head saying "if you tell anyone it'll be your last".

We never went back. Child services went there and he denied everything...he made us out to be liars. Said: "what do they know, they're just kids looking for attention!". Mom even took his side, blindly...regretting it to this day. Surprisingly they got married right after we moved out. My dad fought for custody, which went on for over a year. As we were not allowed back at moms house we had to live with our grandparents. Finally after a long battle and getting custody we went to live with dad. Things took a while to get back on track...living with a single dad was hard. It taught us to cook, clean and be responsible at a very young age. My dad remarried after a few years, to his lovely wife to this day.

We never really had someone professional to talk too. I still have memories playing back in my head.
I like to sit and reflect back on my life...to see how far I've come. Wondering what would've been if nothing was said all those years ago? Today i am in a very good and happy place. Blessed to have a loving husband and my sweet little terror... Pluto!

I leave you with this...thank you for taking the time to read.

"If I had done this, if I had said that, in the end you are always more tormented by what you didn't do than what you did. Actions already performed can always be rationalized in time, the neglected deed might have changed the world."