Celebrating My Insignificant Existence in the Vast Universe

It is just my birthday today. No big deal, just spare me the trouble of parties, people, and all that bright size life celebration. And don't bother with positive wishes either. I'm too old for that shit. I guess all I need tonight is a couple of beers and a good friend. Preferably, someone I've known for a long time. Today, I don't become wiser, just learned more lessons. And one thing I learned is that when life gives you lemons, freeze and throw them at the faces of people who give you hell. So to avoid chaos during this momentous day of my life, I just chose to spend some time underwater. To get away from it all and to counter all these bitter feelings and existential dilemma.

I'm finally back to this place after 6 years. But I was too stupid to think that things don't change. It is not the same place I've known. Or maybe I have become attached to that idea. Honestly, my arrival was quite a disappointment.

Travelers ruin a place. Whiny snowflakes and bored youngsters to be exact. Gone were the days that I would even spend a minute getting to know these people. Gone were the excitement, smiles and 24hr friends. Those days are over and gone, good riddance! I used to be hopelessly high-spirited but I changed too. Perhaps a destination is not a place anymore, just a new way of seeing things.

I'm not going to shy away from my inner demons, facing them would probably make me healthier. I am selfish and unselfish. I want to be completely alone or be around with people. I used to care. I used to care a lot. I used to think about other people's feelings. But not anymore, because now, life is boring without enemies. Retribution is my favorite word. I hurt and will probably hurt more people, except those very few people in my life. But sometimes, I just don't want to bother anymore.

Maybe this is what growing old is like. The word gets smaller until there's nothing but walls around me. The walls that will show me the end and the beginning of everything.