The Lesser of Two Evils

After five months of trying to live in harmony with others, I finally gave up. I tried to be a pleasant human being but failed miserably. Don't get me wrong, it was a learning experience though. I still gained something from losing. So I guess it wasn't all that bad. I learned more about myself and about human behavior. So here I am, I'm back in the game. Back in the game of living alone, being on my own. I realized that too much time of being with other people can be too much. It just wouldn't work for me. I need peace more than attention. I should be the one to decide if today I want to be with others or if I want some space and alone time. That's what freedom can afford you. But, we all need some balance right. And this is what we're all after anyway.

During the low season, which is rainy days for us, I decided to move to a new apartment shared with some other people. Most of them are guys I work or partners with. Some of you probably know that I started my own online travel agency last year - thanks to Steemit. Money was alright during peak season but for offseason, I had to lower my expenses. Hence, the move to a new place. It was all for survival. In reality, I would never see myself being part of a crowd. I'm not someone who likes to be part of a community or who gets her happiness being around with others all the time. But I live in a collective society, getting your solitude without being tagged as insane can be a challenge. But then I realized, who cares anymore what people say, I'm still diabolic in someone else's story. I'd rather be mad than be ordinary.

It was an opportunity to challenge myself. I tried to see if I could live with others and try to humanize myself. It was great at first sure. There was all the noise, too much drinking, too much laughing, too much positivity, and drama and all the challenges of having roommates. For someone who got used to living alone, it was too much for me. You know, I was just hoping that the universe will eventually reward me for all my sacrifices. But I don't always have to suffer.

I gained some very few friends. I also lost most of them. I have no regrets about losing new people in my life. It is easier now more than ever to let go of those who consume my mental energy. It was hard living with them as we were not at the same wavelength. Nothing's wrong with them, it was just the wrong crowd for me. And worse, to even live with to begin with. Most of them didn't have any goals in life or anything. Most of them were just drinking away. At some point, I was even sexually harassed - verbally by some insecure guy in the neighborhood also competing for attention. I stood up for myself and fought, but in the end, I was the crazy one. It took one bad situation to know the real ones. I didn't have any allies. Not everyone was true, oh big surprise! I couldn't win this. It was better to leave.

It was still good to have a few who believe in me. I believe them too. I have to. What happened was a test of who will stand by my side. I will surely not forget them if I make it someday. Now that I got my silence and solitude back, hopefully, I could write again like I used to. I can now focus and dwell on my thoughts - both dark and happy. And continue to share the joys of domestic living and all with you all. I've never complained about not having anything to write about because I have a lot in my mind. I have a lot of stuff going on in my head.

Will I go back to the same scenario of sharing a house with other people? Not for me. However lonely at times, to bear the silence of hours and days, I still choose inner peace.

It is hard to live alone but it is harder for me to live with others. But in my life I learned that nothing is ever devoid of pain. It's all about choosing what is less painful now. Moving on.