Last week, I wrote a few jokes about being asexual, while identifying at "functionally asexual." This is a term I've been using for a few years, as my asexuality was probably induced by my anxiety meds. But this is who I've been for a few years, this is who I am. I'm a man in my mid-forties who is not interested in having sex with anyone.
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There are some who would say the meds preclude me from being on the spectrum, as one's orientation isn't dependent on one's level of libido. And, you know, there's a point in that. But I'm on the side of inclusivity. I don't hold with community gatekeeping, except in very specific instances. If I wouldn't exclude someone from a community I was already a part of for similar grounds - and I would not - I shouldn't self exclude, or erase this part of my identity.
Where am I on the spectrum? Probably more gray ace than full asexual. I feel attraction. I just never want to do anything about it. When I think of sex, I'm not repulsed. I'm just... uninterested.
If you have questions about asexuality... well, you should probably ask someone who has identified as ace for more than 24 hours. If you have questions about my asexuality, feel free to ask in the comments. I'm an open book, except for the parts where I very much am not. But I'm opening this part, so go ahead.
So, as I tweeted last night: Hi. Hello. Nice to meet you. I don't want to have sex.
This resonates for me. I also consider myself somewhere on the ace spectrum, and I also don't have a gender preference, and I feel sexual attraction in emotionally committed relationships only. I've been told that I'm a "demisexual;" someone whose sex drive depends on emotional attraction. When I'm out of a relationship, I feel absolutely no sex drive whatsoever. It's oddly alienating, because it suddenly becomes so obvious how driven by sex everything else in the world is, and I no longer feel like a participant. I feel just generally grossed out and uninterested, like there's nothing less appealing than having someone's sweaty body on me. Ugh. It's confusing because not having a gender preference adds another layer of complication. I have no expectation about who I'll be attracted to and when, and it feels like it has no rhyme or reason. But gatekeeping is complete and utter horseshit when it comes to sexuality. Identify however you want.
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I'm a bunch of A's: asexual, aromantic, agender. I don't talk about it much, because I don't want to explain it to folks who are totally unfamiliar if that's not the entire point of the conversation, so I often just say queer, and let people make of that what they will.
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I went through a brief period during my teens where I identified as asexual. I get it.
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