DONT MISS OUT ON THE ONLINE REVOLUTION THAT IS RESHAPING MASCULINITY -- NOFAP

in life •  7 years ago  (edited)

hey there steemheads, i'm here to inform u about a hot new craze that is reshaping the digital world as we know it. this phenomenon is known as nofap.

basically semen is ur life force and ur throwing it away (like an idiot) every time u give into the devil and decide to Bust. i used to be just like you. i was cranking my hogg 6-8 times per hour, every single day. there wasnt much to do when nobody was home and all of my online pals were at school or work, so it was just me and 4chan.org/(rules 1 and 2 lol)/ for 10 hours a day h-haha.

anyways, the key to becoming a chad like me (i'll post before and after pics below when my mom gets home so i can use her phone to take a pic) ur gonna have to perform what i like to call a 90 day nofap reset. u quit fappin for 90 days straight, and it resets the chemical levels in ur body to when u were a newborn baby. think of it like pressin the reset button on one of your stupid screen games. basically, all of the excess semen will travel to ur brain because its brain food and u can expect ur IQ and testosterone levels to be through the roof buddy, ur gonna transform from a docile homosexual into a nofap scholar. the rest of the nofap community refers to this as "gaining superpowers." ur gonna know ur doin the right thing if u start experiencing nocturnal emissions, because thats just what the cavemen used to do. while it may be demoralizing to have ur very life force ripped away from u, it is perfectly natural and normal for a NEET in their 40s to have wet dreams.

the nofap movement is backed not only by the combined IQ and testosterone of THOUSANDS of participants, but it is also backed by science. i have included a chart below that marks the change in testosterone level if u would just show some self control and go like a week without flickin ur bean.

testosterone_chart.gif

and boy let me tell u, its nowhere but UP UP UP from there pal

but now that u understand the science behind it, you should also know that nofap has a special place in history. ancient chinese soldiers would abstain from cranking hogg because then the excess semen goes to ur brain and feeds it its brain food it turns u into a fucking warrior ancient chinese soldiers used nofap to meet women. in fact, a whole chinese army nofapped so long their semen minerals turned them to stone.

the-terra-cotta-army-hero-fix-E.jpg

harnessing this power is simple, but the sexualization of video games, television, movies, comic books, and other products of the entertainment industry has made it difficult

however, nofap isnt all fun and games. while u may enjoy the high of increased testosterone levels, u will be susceptible to the temptation of beatin ur meat at all times. anecdotal experiences from the nofap subreddit include: going on disability after rupturing ur balls, blastin off to the moon due to the all of the excess pressure in ur prostate, and ur nuts weighin down ur entire body which resulted in getting them surgically removed.

ok steemheads, i hope u enjoyed my guide and will continue to enjoy the rewards of nofap. if u have any questions please leave a comment below, but i may take a while to respond because my parents are heading out for the day so i'm asking them to strap me into my anti-masturbation cross until they get home.

Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.
If you enjoyed what you read here, create your account today and start earning FREE STEEM!
Sort Order:  

Loved this sentence:

all of the excess semen will travel to ur brain because its brain food and u can expect ur IQ and testosterone levels to be through the roof buddy, ur gonna transform from a docile homosexual into a nofap scholar.

Classy..real classy

Well this was pretty funny. You made my day a little better.

Congratulations @ehh! You have completed some achievement on Steemit and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

You made your First Comment
You made your First Vote
You got a First Vote
You published your First Post

Click on any badge to view your own Board of Honnor on SteemitBoard.
For more information about SteemitBoard, click here

If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word STOP

By upvoting this notification, you can help all Steemit users. Learn how here!

what