DEPRESSION ...and i will tell you my story...

Once i went though severe depression..aka my DARK period...what happens cant be described as sadness or hopelessness or emptiness its just a REALLY DARK PLACE PSYCHOLOGICALLY...

A lot of things happen to you, work environment maybe is negative,maybe you are failing at your objectives,the spouse is cheating on you,finances are messed up life is just going south sometimes the opposite and you cant understand meaning of it all and you try to work on it and you start questioning yourself and a lot remains unanswered day after day and it goes down over a long period which you wont even notice until others NOTICE.....and then you start to BLAME* yourself..and it gets worse and you QUESTION your purpose day by day and fail to get answers.

Then you try to do something to make it better you feel even more sad,useless and hopeless and your mental balance is thrown off

..So one day i went to see a psychiatrist....and at this point i was on my way out...now the thing is at this point you even try to do the things that cheer you up because this feeling is really not easy to explain,it's like a MONDAY BLUES,combined with a loss experienced after loosing a loved one coupled with HEARTBREAK All combined into one unending psychological torture ....that description still doesn't capture how you feel inside by the way ,just trying to get you to imagine.

So i looked for something to cheer me on, some of which you cant do the whole day.The feeling just comes back and you go and take some alcohol find solace in multiple sexual encounters but the feeling never goes.

You toy with drugs and the likes after that euphoria you shop,travel etc.... the feeling comes back BIGGER..So at one point through all these feelings it got so bad to a point I got admitted in hospital ,yes for depression!!!...

I stayed in hospital for MORE THAN 2weeks .I ASKED TO BE DISCHARGED at some point...I GOT BACK TO MY RADIO JOB...and believe it or NOT the people i spend my WHOLE DAY WITH "workmates ", didn't even notice i was away from work and in HOSPITAL not a single text,missed call or contact. Can you imagine the feeling?..SADNESS HOPELESSNESS AND EMPTINESS ON A WHOLE NEW LEVEL

I was hearing voices /hallucinating ,luckily, they weren't dominating my every thought! That's when i found out by the time you get to the hearing voices stage..you are almost at a VERY BAD PLACE and might need constant supervision

These voices soon become your companions in your day to day life especially when alone..1,2,3 or even 4 or more voices .."trying to help you deal with life" you talk to the voices, argue,laugh and even take their word, after all they live in your mind.

Only someone who is very close and observant or who has gone through depression at some stage might notice and be able to tell you are going through hell..These voices misinterpret whats going on around you and you listen...when a bunch of people near you are laughing and you notice for instance the VOICE tells you that they are laughing at your HOPELESSNESS....

Then one day the dominating voice tells you..-"maybe its time to END it all- and you agree ..and it keeps reminding you ...and then the 2nd voice encourages you and the 3rd.. BECAUSE NOBODY cares!You figure that the only person that cares are these voices....and so...You get the instructions from the voice that keeps you company all the time...."you see that big tree,the strong one, just take a rope and put it around your neck....then let it END! and you agree with the VOICE that for once you are on the same page....the world will better without me..

...and in the blink of an EYE..its all OVER..

Truth is ,beneath that smile, most people have lots of demons that you cant explain...so next time somebody takes their life ...believe me it wasn't a CHOICE they had control over...its the VOICES that take over.....HELP BEFORE ITS TOO LATE.

Shared as Received from him

Sincerely,

Elsie xo