The other day, I got in a discussion with my wife about some general life topics as well as some things which make us happy. We discussed many things, but overall it seemed to be a discussion about comforts and things that we each are happy and not happy with. Then I thought to myself, can we be happy with compromise? How can we prevent resentment?

With so much going on and so many things around us catching attention, I think this is a valid question. I think there's debatable aspects of it, but overall, how do we be happy if it means not getting everything?

Now, there's aspects to this that I must address. First, I think hopefully I'm making it clear I'm talking a little bit more about things than just what you should have for dinner. I'm definitely also not talking about destructive habits such as you want to gamble (on crypto? lol) your life savings or drink excessively or do drugs non-stop. No, I'm talking about general life actions or interest that we can do to make ourselves happy.

I won't go into too much detail what I'm dealing with in my relationship, but I do know that everyone has their own issues which apply to this general concept. Do you want to go fishing with the boys one weekend and she's against that because you need to mow the lawn? Do you want to watch the last quarter of the March Madness game before taking out the trash? Or for the ladies, do you want to spend some time and money getting yourself pampered at the spa and he's complaining about something? There can also be more serious issues here, but I don't want to discuss those because everything is applicable to my thoughts here.

No matter what the issue is, is there a way to compromise and have both parties get what they want? Overall, I think maybe to an extent, but not if there's passion from one side. For example, let's say I want to fly R.C. planes and I'm in a group where I only fly my planes one day on a Saturday each month. Now, the rest of the time, I spend a little bit of energy researching new planes, checking out what's for sale, and other videos (or whatever) that other people are posting about their flying. All of a sudden, this now becomes an issue and your wife thinks that your interest in planes is getting excessive. She asks you to compromise and restore balance. Wait, what?

In a sense, I'm sure a lot of deal with this issue. We have a minimal interest or hobby and to the partner is seems engulfing to the point where they get irritated and almost establish a sense of resentment towards that interest and your involvement with it. Should there be compromise?

Clearly, there's not a destructive action going on, and the basics of life and and relationship are being met and fulfilled. Is it okay to satisfy your partners interest but not your own?? What's the extent to which you can say you'll only look at plan stuff on XYZ days but not the rest? How do you manage dealing with self-worth yet trying to protect something you are part of like a relationship?

Overall I think it's important to maintain self-respect and self-worth. If you're having to do something to destroy your opinion or your self-worth or self-happiness then it seems like there shouldn't have to be compromise. Again, I think there's a grey area here because compromise is definitely needed for some things. For example, needing to determine the budget of a car, or who's friends you will hang out with on a particular night. Those things can be compromised on.

With that said, I definitely don't think there's any way to settle on points of your life that you feel are a definition of you. I will even go so far as to say don't compromise for fear of judgement. Obviously if it's something you feel you can live without, there's a reason to compromise; but definitely don't do anything that will impact long term happiness due to loss of self-identity, respect or definition.

Thanks for reading, I'd love to hear thoughts!