Not sure how one can go from feeling on top of the world to feeling like they have fallen into a hole that never ends, in a matter of months. Just a few short months ago, I was up working out and doing so much personal development it was FANTASTIC! I was feeling so great, and healthy.
Over the last month and a half I have been dreadfully tired with a slight all over body ache. This past week my slight ache has turned into severe all over pain that radiates through every joint of my body. The exhaustion of hurting so bad just adds to the fatigue I was already dealing with. I feel like I cannot function, I don't have any motivation to do anything.
To top it all off, I am quickly finding that raising our teenage son is not as easy now as it has been the past 3 years of his teenagerdom. I am flailing and gasping for air with each passing day. I sob all the way to work every day, with the all over pain and my emotional pain, it is becoming more than I can handle. I think of driving straight into a barrier on the freeway, so I can be taken to a hospital and my pain be swept away with the drip of a IV and have a reason to not go to work for a while. I am mentally drained and need to escape "real" life. I am tired of adulting and constantly being away from my family to keep the hamster wheel spinning for the company I am working for.
I want so much just to feel like I can get up and workout again without being purely exhausted from the moment my alarm goes off. I want to feel confident and happy with my body and am pretty sure that will never happen in this life time. I am tired of hating myself and hating how broken my young 33 year old body is. I feel like I am failing my husband, our children, and my co-workers/employees. I feel useless and simply falling apart.
You aren't failing anyone. I am here for you and so are our kids. We will always be here for you.
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I hope venting here helps a little bit. It is hard when you feel stretched thin and constantly mentally and physically exhausted by daily responsibilities.. I can definitely empathise and hope things balance out for you soon.
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No one truly knows the burdens we bear. Writing has always been my therapy and saving grace and I pray it is for you as well.
My daughter's teenage years were extremely taxing and I have been in your exact same shoes many times. You are not broken you are just bending until the storm subsides.
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I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I wish you lots of healing soon. <3
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Thank you all! I just needed to write and get out the muck standing stagnantly in my brain. I will get better, and things will start to clear eventually. It is just a matter of weathering the storm. I appreciate the love and support and confidence that this will too pass, like every other trial I have faced in my lifetime. Thanks again everyone!
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