Chores And Keeping Score Is A Recipe For Resentment

Thursday is the day the truck comes around and picks up the trash and recycling. Well, two trucks as one does the trash and one picks up the recycling.

As I was going about the house picking up things to put in the bins before I took them out of the house I had a thought.

How easy it is to become resentful about the chores of living.

Now I love my wife, but sometimes she says things that could sour my mood if I let them. One word that she often says is 'Fair'. As in “It's not fair that I have to cook dinner tonight”.

Now I feel that we do indeed have a pretty fair system. One time after a spat, I thought to myself “How much DO I do around here?” I figured that I must do hundreds of things to keep the household moving, both big and small.

But as I thought I realized that it was actually quite easy for me to think of all the things I do. However, I could only think of a dozen or so things that she does.

I know that she does so much, but I could only bring a small percentage of them to mind.

So if I could think of hundreds of things I do, but only a dozen or so of hers, then she must think the same of me! No wonder she lashed out.

My study of Stoicism and a happy contentment has led me to not keep track (I'm not perfect either), but that isn't so for her. I don't keep score, but she was – and she was missing most of the points!

Keeping track of who does what and who is doing more is no way to nurture a loving relationship. Keeping track just leads to a warped view of what the other person is doing. While we might see the 'big' things, nobody can add up all the little things each of us do all day. I've always said that the little things add up.

I don't keep track. I need to find a way to convince her that she needn't do it too.

It doesn't bring joy to judge your partner every day.

Life is much more joyful if you do what you can, when you can, so that your family has one less thing to be concerned about. Not increase resentment by worrying whose turn it is to put the dishes away.

Now someone might be thinking that this will only lead to you being taken advantage of. I don't think that would be the case.

It's not important if you take the trash out a few more times than your partner does. What matters is having a loving relationship.

So make garbage like this less important in your life and you will end up with much more time and energy for what is truly important.