Yesterday afternoon I met the most annoying child in the world. We went to meet some friends for lunch, who are currently here on holiday. We've known them forever, and we don't often see our friends, because they don't always come down to the South coast for holidays. We chose a child- friendly restaurant, as this would be the safest place where their daughter could play while we could spend time catching up. My own kids stayed at home as they are older and can look after themselves.
When we left our previous town, their daughter - an only child- were just over eighteen months old. She is now four years old, going on nineteen.
I am a teacher and I am very used to being around kids. BUT I have NEVER had time for a rude child. I am a strong believer in the saying: Children should be seen and not heard....but this kid was literally all over the place. We could not have a decent conversation without being interrupted. It's like this child had superpowers! If she asked her mom to jump, the mom asked HOW HIGH?
I just couldn't believe my eyes! How could a grown woman allow herself to be ruled by an annoying little brat? Don't get me wrong, all is fair in love an war, but a child is still a child, and a child needs to be guided by its parents, and definitely not the other way around.
If a child is not guided properly to know what is right and wrong, and if the parents allow a four year old child to rule their worlds, how is this child going to end up? Better yet, how is the world going to end up being ruled by brats?
At the age of four it is NATURAL for a child to ask questions and to explore and even to change their minds a few times in one session, but my friend literally ordered three different plates of food as the child was not satisfied or rather changed her mind a few times. Very manipulative. If that was my child, he would have probably gone hungry. Either eat what you ordered in the first place or don't eat. I realized that my friend is scared of her own child, and that she is so scared to disappoint her precious bundle that she allows herself to be ruled. Hmmm let's wait and see how this child turns out as a teenager.
My friend ....THEN you will really know the meaning of scared!
Needless to say that the lunch did not go very well, and on our drive home, I started thinking. How will this world turn out if children at this young age are never taught the right way? These days in schools it is all about participation so that everyone has an equal chance.
Life is not about winning or losing, but competition has never been a bad thing....
I am scared for how this world will end if we are no longer here. If we don't teach our children now, and teach them the values and morals of a normal world, what WILL BE LEFT?
You said ...
Really? Totally goes against my idea of how to raise children. You actually think that way? Children are people too you know!
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The all or nothing stance of children should be seen and not heard is a dangerous one for sure. Basically they can grow up feeling no one cares about what they have to say and I question if that demonstrates love.
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I completely agree with you. At the same time the mom in this story should of set boundaries for her child, but treating children as decoration is not good for their development. I can attest to that from my own experience.
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Oh yes, children are people too, but if adults are busy in a conversation there is no need for a child to be rude and interrupt the whole conversation. If they wait their turn and are polite there is no issue, but to interrupt someone while talking, to basically get attention, then there is a problem. There should be respect from both ends.
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I'm not sure what you mean by interrupt. I thought that you meant that a child should not participate in an adult conversation. I know that as a child, I really liked being around adults and often felt more comfortable being a part of adult conversations than with other children. I wanted to learn and share.
To say that a child should only do childish things (like coloring in the restaurant) when they want to participate and learn is wrong as far as I am concerned.
Is an inquisitive child considered interrupting to you? Or are you talking about a child throwing a fit? I hope that I misunderstood you, because honestly I was pretty upset by what you seemed to be saying.
Children are intelligent too and should not be told to just sit down and shut up, and that they are should only be seen and not heard.
Someone who does not want to "hear" children seems to me like they are living very far in the past and it sounds like racism or sexism to me, except it is "childism."
People used to think that women should only be seen and not heard too, and that women had nothing of value to add to a man's conversation. Women should not be treated that way, and neither should children.
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Oh my, I think you misunderstood me...lol, I am not a vicious person and I love children. I have been a teacher for 24 years so I honestly know my way around kids. Inquisitive and rude are two totally different things. I home school my own child so he is always around me, but he has the decency to wait until I at least finish a sentence before he starts talking.
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That's good to hear.
But then why do you say that you are a BIG believer in "Children should be seen and not heard." ?
That means that children don't have anything useful to say in the presence of an adult and that they are not as important.
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Children got lots of possibilities. They would like to try out everything they want to and parent's duty is not to allow them to get too far from the right track. Within the circle, children should explore the world as possible as they could...in my point of view
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I fully agree with this statement: Children should explore the world but they need boundaries. They should not be allowed to be rude and they should respect their elders. They should know that they must keep themselves busy with kids stuff and NOT try and take over an adult conversation.
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THREE MEALS???? Shocking! What is sad is that a child NEEDS boundaries to feel secure, so you have unhappy parents and an unhappy child, which makes her behaviour even worse.
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Yes, I was very annoyed at both the child and the parent. This parent has no idea about boundaries...I am just scared of the day she is going to snap.
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Children will always try to push the boundaries, it's there job. The parents job is to make sure the kiddies know where the boundaries are and to enforce them.
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I am a mom of 3 kids aged 8, 3, and 1.5. It is really challenging, parenting toddlers especially. My middle one is at the age where she is a cross-breed of "cute" and "annoying". I think it all goes down to parents setting their feet down and let these adorable little monsters know who's the boss.
Followed you, @giantbear... hope you can follow me back.
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Exactly!!! The wonder of it all is that kids grow up so quickly and then you wish for them to be small again. My son just turned 19 and is in University and I miss him sooooo much. I will follow back!
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My eldest goes like, "Daddy is the President. Mommy is the Vice President. We need to follow their rules"
He is 8. I don't know until when he'll think that way! lol.
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He should never stop thinking that!
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Haha, my kids are the same, they are 3 and 6 and they always say Mommy is the Manager of the house, Daddy is the Boss.
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Children will do it their own way even if their parents are against it.... eventhough parents have to guide their children in a positive direction , sometimes you should let a child be a child and have nornal childhood. Good post
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*Children get trophies for participation
Soo right! This annoys me because it makes them think they won just by joining any competition, it doesn't motivate children to try harder and be better.
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I couldn't agree more about kids that are out of control and left to do what they want. Kids need boundries point.
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Boundaries, yes.
But there's a difference between a loving mutually respective relationship built on trust and having an Authoritarian parent who's a bull and is constantly keeping you boxed in and making you feel weak and powerless. That's equally, arguably worse, as bad as giving your kid everything hands down.
Kids are people so treat them like people. That means if you don't want to do something they want to, tell them and try to work something out.
Fix the situation, don't beat your child with your unjustly placed power.
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Really interesting. We don't smack our children but do have a naughty step for our toddler and send our 7 year old to his room. The 7 year old is used to being told to show respect, not be rude and that there will be consequences for naughty behaviour. Some parents won't even use the word"naughty"! I do think that there are different methods of parenting though and most moderate methods would hopefully result in well brought up children. Children do come with their own personalities and nature as well as nurture plays a significant part. Thanks for sharing your article 🙂
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How would you feel if your boss, if you have one, came by and said they didn't like how you did your (X) or what you're talking about and that you should get back to work, but first, go sit in the chair by the watercooler for 10minutes.
Does that help anything?
All it builds is resentment and wastes time and gives the individual time to fester. All it does is build mistrust, destroys respect, and promotes vigilantism and lying as to protect their self from their boss, you.
I'm just saying not that what you're doing hurts them, although that's debatable, it certainly worsens their behavior, but you're not achieving your goal by doing those actions.
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Aren't you very opinionated! You're comparing apples with pears for a start. Do you aspire to being an advocate with that namesake? An advocate relies on facts not purely speculative opinion! 🤔
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What's so different about the two? Just because this culture says it's okay to value a child's opinion or command them like an animal or like their feelings don't matter doesn't mean it's okay.
Opinion is arbitrary and that's "I think commanding your children is immoral and abusive" not comparing what you do to something similar and asking some questions while answering the question in the typical way one is likely to feel in such a scenario.
Are you saying you would not feel the need to hide your behavior from your boss if your boss is aggressive and punishes you for behaving in a certain way? Would you not lie to him if it had the chance to get you out of said punishment? Would you trust him/her to not abuse you and punish you for a mistake or simply an event that you're reporting?
If you want to "parent" like that, fine, but you're only making things worse for yourself and putting your child in the position where if something bad happened to them, such as being molested, they may not tell you if that person is the typical unkind molester who threatens, as they will not trust you to protect them, not punish them, etc, even if you explicitly say so as you don't demonstrate what you say to them on a daily basis.
That's more of an opinion.
It's best to be honest and genuine and to strike a nerve than fake and turn a blind eye to issues that are important to you and others just so you can make a "friend" or be liked.
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You're projecting and completely going off on a tangent. I see from other posts you've made that you've had a damaged childhood but don't think that that makes you authoritative on parenting issues because it doesn't! You will certainly not be making friends for projecting your own issues onto others and spouting ill conceived, misinformed opinions!
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I can't wait. or can i? yea looks like i can from this story!
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We are in that world run by Veruca Salt children. That's why you see "safe spaces" and full meltdowns when certain candidates aren't chosen. The only place that isn't "safe" anymore is the ungendered public restroom--the one place that is supposed to be safe. I saw it when I was in the school system teaching. I see it a little in my niece and nephews...
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This is actually so sad. I agree with you. They should be guided or they'll become bratty adults too. I know a few of those :/
Thanks for the tag @giantbear .
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Wow, i agree so much with you as its the responsibility of the mother to discipline at such a tender age. #african #discipline
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Oh my I have seen kids being punished by parents in schools where I taught. Those parents do not take any nonsense.
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"Im not naughty" @giantbear hehe
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Hmmmm I wonder @nuke-able...I wonder...
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I used to be a teacher way back in the day and it was a challenge managing the classroom. Personally, I believe that if the parents had trained their children to show more respect, it would have reflected in their attitudes within the classroom.
@giantbear
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Oh definitely ...I am so tired sometimes of parents thinking they have little angels, but the minute they turn their back...the little devils jump out and then STILL the teacher is mostly blamed.
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I understand. That's one of the reasons I left the teaching field because it was just too much stress to deal with. I do, however, applaud all teachers who hang in there!
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I feel great sympathy for you. My kids grew up with the option, eat it now, or enjoy it for breakfast, your choice.
They had the misfortune of growing up before a timely slap was forbidden.
They had rules, the line was drawn and if you step over it there were consequences.
Can't have been too bad, one of then put me on Steemit and told me to like it.
Maybe I am like your friend, too scared not to do what my kids tell me to do
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Ha ha...I am sure that you are VERY glad that your child forced you to join Steemit. Yes, those were the days. I have never been scared to spank my children, and because they knew that, they were always good. I have been blessed with good children. I have never had issues but they know how far to push me and they know their boundaries. Perhaps there are just people that should never have kids??
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Unfortunately praying for crop failure doesn't work. They keep right on breeding.
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Just curious, as old(er) folks never really speak of it and just blow it off as ridiculous, what would you exactly do if your child consistently defied you, your punishments, and used physical violent in response to you if you used it on them?
That's what I did as a child and more and more kids are doing. Violent/power/etc is not a good form of child-management. It just breeds mistrust and deception in the child as well as vigilantism.
Same goes to you giantbear.
Do you even have a counter to this other than trying to beat your child and potentially getting stabbed, killing your child, or getting arrested for child abuse because they defied so much you left marks?
I really can't understand """"parents""""" like you.
EDIT: And by the way, my father beat me and yelled at me and never faltered from that position till the day after I threatened to slit his throat if he touched me again (beat) and I begun carrying a knife.
He hit me one more time that day, I almost stabbed him, he held my door shut for thirty minutes, then that night he locked his door before bed and he knew what was coming to him if he did it one more time so he stopped.
I was 7.
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Great post about modern parenting. With you being a teacher, I thought you may be interested in this article I wrote.
https://steemit.com/philosophy/@motowngold/safe-spaces-or-mass-mental-illness-that-is-the-question
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