What is my purpose as a father?
I have written many times about how much my 10 year old daughter MJ prefers my wife to me. In fact, it has become a running joke with my friends that my daughter simply doesn't like me. Every once in a a while a friend will jokingly ask, "So does your daughter like you yet?"
I always respond, "Nope. I'm just biding my time until she becomes a teenager and hates her mom."
Both of these are merely exaggerations and jokes. My daughter loves me and I am convinced she will always love my wife (although from what I hear, teenagers' moods and tastes may change with the wind).
She simply loves her mommy more. That is completely understandable.
This reality has caused me to question this dad's purpose at times. On our recent vacation, it seemed my roles were the unheralded ones of planning the entire trip, driving, carrying things, holding things while people were in the bathroom, and running around like an idiot to get tickets for any last minute attractions.
You could basically hire a nameless assistant to do all of those things (or a monkey... a really smart money).
But then something amazing happened.
While visiting Niagara Falls, we took a ride on the Hornblower. This boat takes passengers as close to the falls as possible. In fact, you get so close that it feels like you are in the middle of a torrential storm. (Buying tickets for the ride also involves a dad walking 2 miles uphill both ways in order to get them).
My daughter thought those rocks fell a few minutes before we arrived.
I'm a city boy at heart but the sheer power of the Falls and our incredibly close proximity to them were awe inspiring. For a ten year old girl... this was also terrifying.
During the wait for the boat, we heard that the force of the water was so powerful that it had caused huge boulders to break off from the cliff. Clearly this had happened many years ago... but to a 10 year old, this meant more boulders could break off at any second. (If MJ is reading this, the boulders will not suddenly break off.)
By the time the boat began making its very slow way toward the falls, MJ was incredibly frightened. A few moments later as we were close enough to feel a significant spray from the Falls and 99% of the passengers gasped in awe of the Natural Wonder, one passenger hid her face in fear.
As she trembled, MJ thrust her tiny hand toward me, looked up at me and said, "Dad, I'm scared, hold my hand."
I did.
For some unknown reason, she felt better.
I wish I were a better photographer. I set up and snapped this one handed because no matter what, I was NOT letting go of that tiny hand.
I had found my purpose.
I was put here on this earth to convince a scared little 10 year old girl that I had the power to stop 6 million cubic feet of water from doing any harm to her.
At that moment... I am convinced I could have.
The pictures and GIF from Niagara Falls were taken by me. I am no photographer.
Well written...Love this
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Thanks!
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We dream of having this purpose in our life, sometimes we get really depressed that we have been so unsuccessful at it. lol
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And then... we get our moment!
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I loved this article brother, seriously. Deepest of respects
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Thanks man. I really enjoyed writing it.
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after reading your article , i must say you are not alone . It happens with every dad in the world...no matter what dad is doing for their children. But in human nature i believe children are automatically attached with mother.....its nature....So things will change when urs and mine children grown up...then they started to think and can develop their mind whats their dad is doing for their children happiness.
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I agree. I am very happy my kids have such a deep bond with their mom. She's a wonderful woman.
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Dad's are the last line of defense.
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I like that! I may steal that one. LOL
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Such a sweet story! Kids always feel very attached to their mothers and this is i guess some human instinct we have but the father is the parent that is respected for being strong, the protector around whom your kiddo will always feel safe. They might express it differently but it is the same love they have towards both of you! Wish you a lot more moments like this one and trust me your daughter doesn't dislike you! :)
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Looking at myself, I was more attached to my dad when I was young. He really was my role-model and I wanted to be like him. I many ways I am, I recognize a lot of his quirks and personality in my own behaviour. But from adulthood on, I don't really favour any of my parents compared to the other anymore. I love them bot equally and really dread the day that I will have to go on without them.
So although as I child, you may favour one of your parents, I think that will cancel out eventually. At least for me, it did.
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Sure it does. They are both valuable and have a big part in creating the person we grow up to be. My situation is a bit different because my parents separated when i was 6 but i still love them both and they have both given me and continue to give me valueble lessons and advice. :)
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I'm just happy they like either of us! LOL
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I hope you are able to tell them that. I bet it would make their day!
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Well they do know and i should probably tell them more often and be thankful! And ofcourse they like both of you, you sound like an awesome dad.. you must really do something stupid to make your toddler mistrust you :). And it is always nice to have an inside joke like that in the bag with the good old friends.
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Thanks! Yeah I know. It has actually become a little inside joke with us now.
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Nice read brother. I'm a father as well and I know how that can be at times. Often times this happens by default cause the mother be the ones to say yes and fathers are the bad guys cause they mainly say no. In my house I'm known as Captain No because most times that's my answer. When it comes time to discipline the kids, we are the first to be called for the job. I think this gives the mothers that extra edge cause the father does all the discipline.
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This is so pleasant to read. A father and his purpose. I must say that most of the daughters say that they love their mother more (I do, too.) but really deep inside their heart, they know that if anything happens to them, their father is the one who is going to save them from any disaster. A father is the true hero for his daughter. You are too.
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That is very kind of you to say. I bet your dad knows it.
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I hope he knows it. :)
Although I never had the courage to tell him that I admire him so much. It has never been a chance that I tell him that he is my only true hero. But you know what? I truly feel that he knows it. I know that he knows it. Now, he has set up really high standards for my boy and I'm so happy about it. :)
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LOL. Yeah it is a definite team effort. Nothing wrong with a little "good cop/bad cop" lol.
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Dad is after all Dad, but without him the world in incomplete, nice work by the way @hanshotfirst
here is my favorite quote for parents
"One of the greatest titles in the world is parent, and one of the biggest blessings in the world is to have parents to call mom and dad."
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That is an awesome quote!
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What a great post! I have a 6 year old girl and I often wonder the same thing. But you are immensely important to your daughter. Just you being there, carrying stuff etc means she feels safe. If she thinks you can protect her from falling boulders, you must be able to take on any one of the random monsters little girls worry about. Mothers are (usually) there more, due to the normal dynamic of Father going to work (Hunter Gatherer) and Mother staying at home (Nurturer). This remains true, even when the Mother does go back to work etc!
In short, both parents are important and never underestimate how important you are to your daughter, even if she does take you for granted sometimes!
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LOL. My wife and I are a good team. Its cool. It has become my daughter and my inside joke.
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Yeah aggree, @hanshotfirst
btw father is a superhero with an invisible cape :)
https://steemit.com/poetry/@anejosua/father-is-a-superhero-with-an-invisible-cape-happybdaydad
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Very nice way to put it!
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What an incredibly beautiful story. Really made me tear up a little. It's stories like these that make me feel like I can't wait to be a dad. Although I'm only 30 years old, it's a feeling that getting stronger pretty fast. The fact that my best friend just had his first child (a beautiful little girl), isn't exactly helping either.
But I'm digressing. Thank you for the lovely story. Followed you to not miss out on stories like these in the future :-)
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Parenthood is awesome... if you are ready for it LOL.
I wish you look on your journey there.
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I think father/daughter and father/son relationships change quickly, your relationship will change for the better believe me, nice read :)
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Thanks! I know I'm a lucky guy.
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you're welcome
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Aw so nice! I have two of those, approx the same age. You know.. when you are thinking they love your wife more...just think about how they spend 9 months inside their mother. You can't get any closer than that. I know that feeling you have :)
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OH yeah. She definitely earned it! I am completely happy with my role.
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Thank you for the post. I've got two daughters of my own. And when they come for support from daddy, I soak it. I completely identify with you on the post!!
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Thanks! Part of the reason I wrote this is that the blockchain is forever. I wanted to preserve this moment.
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thanks for sharing ur story @hanshotfirst i really like it
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Thanks!
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ur welcome
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That's beautiful, as a fellow second favorite, I feel your pain. All you can do is be the best dad you can knowing you'll never be a mother.
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Absolutely! I am completely fine with my place.
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Nice gif..
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LOL. That is a great one!
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Love will win at the end...
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It always does.
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It is always like that with parents as well, they will have a favorite between their kids. That doesn't mean you like the other any less, but the different roles they play in your life. It's a beautiful moment that you've shared today and thank you for sharing that with us. May you never forget it when she does reache those teenage years, as per your wish.
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I am just hoping to survive those years! LOL
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I think my Dad can stop multi 6,000,000 cubic fee also, he's done it before, I am sure of it
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For you I bet he has! I bet your are the source of the best food he has ever eaten. He HAS to protect that. ;)
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I am one of 7, he's done it for us all. Really my point, your daughter does, or eventually will realize that you hung the moon for her.
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I understood completely! Thanks! I bet you make your parents very proud.
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I can relate to this post. I have 2 teenagers (15 and 17), and it can be hard sometimes, but the love I have for them is unlimited. At least they know I'm the person in this world that will always loves them the most no matter what!
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I thing love has to be unlimited... otherwise there is no way teenagers would make it out in tact.
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I can't wait to finish this stage of my life and see them grown up...😂😂😂
BTW, I like your content, and I started following you.
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Being a father is a full-time superhero job. We do not know when our action will make the difference, but we have to be ready at any time for this precise moment. Great post!!!
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Exactly! I like this one a lot. This is one of those things in life where "just showing up" is incredibly important.
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all Dads go through hard time , however its all worth it
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It is an incredibly fun adventure!
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loving your daughter (both of you) as she grows into this weird life is the most important thing you could do
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I am doing my best! Is that a pony for your avatar?
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This golden lol :)
I see the same with me sister and my mom. I think it's a mother/daughter thing :D
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Yep and it is an incredibly wonderful thing to witness.
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Heart touching story dear ....can understand h man
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Thanks! I really enjoyed writing it.
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Such a sweet story ❤️ I can definitely say that she will grow up as a good person! Salute to all wonderful dad like you 🙌🏻❤️
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Thanks! But raising a child is a marathon. I know I have a LONG way to go. LOL
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Interesting read...u sound like a good father and am sure your daughter loves u. Kids usually come to realize how much they love their parents right after teenage hood. When they start moving out of home and see just what life is all about and what the parents had to go through. That's when it all hits home. Thanks for sharing
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So true. I remember exactly how I felt, after I went to study and live on my own when I was 19 years old. It's from that point on, and double from the time you start working fulltime, that you realise how the world really works. And how lucky you are to have two loving parents that sacrificed everything for your happiness and well-being. On whom you can always rely and who love you unconditionally.
For all those parents with difficult teens, I think it's best to keep in mind, that they will appreciate what you did and do for them, when they are older. It all seems to be a part of the circle of life. I'm not a parent yet, but I'm guessing it'll be all worth it in the end.
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Well said!
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Thanks! Yeah I am trying to savor every moment I have with them.
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Dont worry you are better photographer than me
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LOL. Thanks!
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nice pictures. Once i had been there at niagara falls.
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I hope you enjoyed it.
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The older we get or the trauma we experience makes us realize how wise our parents are and how important they are to us.
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This is becoming more and more true for me with each year that passes. It's one of the great joys of getting older.
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That is a very wise saying!
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Awesome story.. Yeah she may not act all that much like she loves you now.. But with time she will show you the appreciation she has hidden from you. and when she needs a rock to save her from other rocks.. your the rock..
Im guessing in 4 or 5 years, your relationships will be completely different. She will learn to show you her appreciation. She will enjoy you for the things your wife cannot do, the things the monkey needs to do haha! But good post, looks like a fun adventure yo!
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Thanks! That is a very nice way to look at it.
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Those moments make all the other moments worthwhile.
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For sure!
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meep
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Wow. That is powerful stuff. I think you made a typo. It should have been a "d" not and "m".
But I knew what you meant.
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meep
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Great read for a soon to be dad like me! I will be a dad come this October!
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Congratulations!!! It is awesome!
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There's no greater feeling than holding the hand of "Daddy's Little Girl." No matter how old she is, that's what she will always be... For some reason, when girls are younger, they seem closer to their mom, but as they get older the father/daughter bond seems to grow stronger... The hardest part is when they get married and are gone.
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I can only imagine how bitter sweet that day is.
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The worst part is when they get old enough to date... that's when the sleepless nights begin! When their dates would come to the house, the first thing I would say was- let me show you my gun collection!!!
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tu siempre seras el Iron Man de tu hija.
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Gracias! I hope I am her hero!
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This is a great article and it is so important wish all dad's or would be dad's could read this.
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Thanks! I was just lucky to experience this.
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You are so privileged to have experienced it.
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You seem to have gotten the luck of the draw.
For several years, when we traveled, I was the designated vomit catcher for our son.
We all have a good laugh about it,"now".
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Wow! That is the worst job description ever. I hope you get fired from it!
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Luckily he grew out of it.
I'm glad to announce that he has successfully passed through the "attitude" phase and now I'm maybe kinda, sorta, almost maybe starting to know a few things that he finds useful. ;-)
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Congratulations!!!! You are very lucky. I am trying to prepare... although I know one can never truly prepare.
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The difficult part has been letting them make mistakes while keeping tabs on them enough to prevent the huge, horrible mistakes.
Even if she doesn't display it all the time, now you know that your daughter looks to you when she's scared.
That's a real milestone.
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very interesting, upvoted and followed. Can someone tell me how do you post content with hyperlinks on it? My "Submit a Story" button doesn't have one.
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Do you mean how to link text to something else? Or do you mean how to put the link in itself. For just the link, just copy and paste the address and it becomes a link. Like this
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Niagara_Falls
To make a piece of text a link do this open bracket [ then the text close bracket ] then open parenthesis ( copy the address then close parenthesis )
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I mean how to link text to any sites. Anyway thank you so much. I was troubleshooting for a week since I joined Steemit lol
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Do you have an example? What website are you trying to link?
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I have tried what you said "To make a piece of text a link do this open bracket [ then the text close bracket ] then open parenthesis ( copy the address then close parenthesis )" it works lol this is exactly what I'm looking for. Thanks, a lot bro!
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LOVE THIS!
The #1 purpose of the role of daddy (anyone can be a sperm donor father) is to be there for our little ones when they need us most. You were there when she needed you most at that moment. Well done! Well done!
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Thanks! Being a dad is one of the things in life where just showing up actually matters. You never knwo when they will need you.
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Like most things in life though, showing up is half the battle. Nice to see another man out there gets it. Us daddys need to stick together.
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Your post gave me goosebumps and made me tear up. This is so sweet and I'm glad you were there for that moment when she needed you. A Dad's job today is often a thankless job. I've had discussions about this with my man. In the old days the men went out and hunted and provided and what they brought back was much awaited and celebrated. There was praise and appreciation and you knew where the butter on your bread came from. Daddy.
Often daddies are providing just as much, only via modern methods… Paychecks are electronically deposited in the bank account unnoticed, unappreciated, and the kill remains unseen.
But then there are those moments like you experienced with your daughter, where there's nothing that makes us feel safer than the strong unwavering presence of a strong man/dad.
Great post. :)
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Wow. That was really nice of you. It was a really cool moment for me. Thanks for the kind words and making it even better!
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You sound like a pretty cool dad. The pictures were also AWESOME! I love waterfalls
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Thanks! I do have a ton of fun with my kids.
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Hiya. I have not been upping almost no one last few days because I must recharge SP over 90%. It went to 14% few days ago and can't use the slider atm. Will up everyone soon
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I know the feeling. the first few days of this new system I dropped like a rock.
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Great personal article, thank you for sharing it with us. Girls are attached to their mothers of course but I think things change as they become teenagers they become more distant from their mothers, and then they become close again when matured.
Followed and upvoted!
Best,
@milanademort
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That seems like the typical pattern. I will have to see if it works this way. To tell the truth, I'd prefer she always stay close to her mom.
Both my kids are awesome though so I got very lucky.
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That is a very sweet story. In general I believe it is the dad's that children will run to when they're scared-- I know, you can start a weekly scary movie fest! (post of @hanshotfirst hiding under a blanket while his daughter pats him and says "it's okay, dad, it's not real" hahaha)
I think it actually went the other way with my daughter, she preferred my husband when she was young, now as a teenager he 'doesn't get it, have to talk to mom' haha!
When was your visit? I am a two hour drive from Niagara Falls :)
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I was there this week. Oh yeah. If I am not mistaken you live near New York. And you are VERY right. You know I am a total scaredy cat!
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You may have mentioned the scaredy cat aspect of yourself LOL. I live in New York, about twenty miles from Ithaca in the direction of Buffalo :) I also have a number of friends who actually live in Buffalo, it's too bad I didn't know, would have been great fun to meet you. You'd love my husband, the feeling would be mutual ;)
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great post.. being a father is what matters in life
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Thanks!
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Nice story,as a father you must Take responsibility for your family, and keep them well, try to earn a living for your family.
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Very true. I do my best.
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It is nice that us Dads get these occasional moments - for outside of these, to me it generally feels like...
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That is me this summer for sure!
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nice story
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Thanks!
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nice story.
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Have o son, then! Maybe he´ll prefer you.
Nice post.
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Just be a good father)))
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thank you for sharing
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It was a ton of fun to write.
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