Oh no! Had Another Disturbing Dream Last Night.

Almost don't want to talk about it really. It was kinda creepy. Something like travelling around with a bunch of guys and others who had strange ideology. Metaphor for the hyped paranoid versions of reality. They were trying to bound and gag us in public. Kinda feel like it's the social/economic situation. Overworked, overtaxed so they are trying to haze you to join their mean paranoia paradigm. I would expose that so they didn't like me. Hard to say/convey the dream. At any rate woke up sort of disturbed. It's kinda funny to be remembering dreams again all of a sudden, that are also creepy/disturbed.

It's a reflection on pop culture and real life dealing with work and people. There is much disturbing political info you see online about radicalization and all of this. Sad to see people unhappy with the current situation gravitating towards hate groups. Desperate and frantic, trying to look for answers, scapegoating and subscribing to the current paradigm. It's all about subtleties of thought to deal with this. Talk to people, show there are different ways to deal with the state of the world. Don't hate the player, hate the game kinda thing. Cheer people up, calm them down.

I feel trapped in a situation. Feel like a wage slave and it's scary. I don't think overworking is good for the health or the fam, yet it keeps happening. The stress and biohazard of the job wears us down. We get burnout and sick. Even after that dream I feel tense and kinda messed up. However we are still eating home cooked food, lucky to have work too. But yea it can be hard and tense. I only know how to come up with my own ideas to deal with it, to understand the history of how it got like this and not in a paranoid blaming way. The false economic system is atrocious for sure, mining and the poisoning of rivers keeps going on, the corporations still get away with it! That is damn stressful too. How to react? or change the laws so they can no longer get away with ecological devastation.

I will keep trying to build up something different behind the scenes. I think it would be a good idea for me to keep posting here as much as possible. Get any and all ideas out. Keep developing myself and senses. I don't want to be trapped in this work and system any longer. Want to be able to branch out and do more positive/community oriented tasks. Not just make houses for rich people. I never wanted to live like this or be stressed out all the time. It's to the point of inflammation now, I see the physical signs. I want to calm down and not let it get to me.

I find it a battle to not feel sad and crazy. That's what I want to get away from. I don't want to worry about money, survival, health all the time. I want to get onto something else. I don't like the paranoid consumer society we live in at all. I don't like feeling alone, alienated, cabin fevered.

Anyway gotta go for now. Have to leave for the day. This was a sort of update. I will get through fine and come back to focus on something.