I used to think that I am strong enough to make myself always think positively out of all the negativity that I felt in my ming and heart but now... I am indeed not strong enough.
I can easily be affected by all the bad comments and one single comments make me look back at myself and I will always judge myself as the guilty one, the bad one, the worst one amd everything that should be graded as a low quality human being. I didn't meant the comments, I got here in this platform. It just that I felt bad every day of my life. I believe I am happy currently but I don't know why am I kept having bad thoughts like this.
My laziness, the way I give up on everything when I'm tired of working hard. The way I'm not as everyone else want me to be. The way I answered to other are rude.
When I started writing in steemit, I always write about how I like positive thinking but in real life, I myself is not good enough to be positive, brave and kind to everyone.
I started differentiating people that I would like to help or refuse. I started following negative orders. I started being very very bad to other especially my laziness.
Sometimes, it felt better if I am alone. I won't be able to hurt others. If I kept my mouth shut, I won't be able to hurt others.
I don't know why that everything I did and do since early this year felt so wrong and bad. Everything that I want, I can't have. I started being jealous of others happiness. I'm tired of hoping and waiting for things to be better.
I'm just tired of being strong. Laughing and smiles with faith that tomorrow will be a better day are the only way I can cover my tears away. May that tomorrow, I will be able to forget about myself and put other first just like before. It felt much better that way. It hurt but it felt much better.
To all my reader. Thank you for reading this silly post. It's just that, I felt better writing it down here compare to facebook.
If anyone out there ever felt like this, please guide me to become a better person.
To be strong again without hurting others.
Sista, the negative thought is the basic environment that influencing us. The news, the media, the internet that has always been. Imagine watching a movie without a "problem" in the plot, how would you feel about the movie? It will be boring to the max and the movie won't sell. Staying positive is not how we try to stay positive, sometimes it's a posture of how we stand how we sit or even how we dig our nose 😂
OK. That's disgusting. All I'm saying is, sometimes it's the action. In order to stay positive, is stay away from negative. When you feel unhappy, feel happy then. Do something you're happy with.
There is no problem bigger than. The problem itself, so where got problem? Since no problem? Take up the "challenge". If you really can't overcome that challenge, put it there, come back later. You can crack your head all night long trying to come up with a sales proposal for the company, but it just won't happen like that within 4 walls. Who knows you take your time bring your phone go toilet squat for half an hour, suddenly u get some idea to solve your sales proposal? Who knows?
I'm not a philosopher. But that's how I live. I don't feel specially happy, I don't try to stay positive, but I only do away the negative. People said I'm a bright sunny guy, I don't see myself that way. I'm just me, living my life without the negative in me.
Sorry for the wall of text and hope you find this useful. If not, just forget about it 🙂 it's not a "problem" for me.
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That is one way to explain everything. Thank you for taking your time to respond to me. You actually made me laugh this morning bro.
I just want to let go of all the uneasy feelings that I have in my mind and I didn't regret sharing it to you guys.
I do felt much better this morning.
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Hi! I'm sorry for the situation that you going through right now. May you be given strength and wisdom going through this another phase of your life. Back then I thought I need to always put others' needs above me and just forget about my need because I thought that's how life should be. But I lost myself there, I feel I'm not being myself and live to please others and suppress the real me. Then I become a fake good saint of me and live exhausting life. I found out that setting a healthy boundary and care about myself more work for me. I feel good about myself, feel refresh then in return ready to become service for others again and at the same time always be mindful about myself helping others without me being depleted and exhausted. We are just human nobody perfect and most importantly strive to keep learning and become a better version of ourselves each day. 😊
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I once did it too and it is exhausting. How did you set your boundaries. I would like to try that one too. I tried putting myself away and locked away all the urge to always help others everytime I'm ask to but it usually left me with the feeling of uneasiness. Do you have any suggestions on how to not have the uneasiness feelings? The feeli g of guilt for not helping?
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🏆 Hi @heartbeat1515! You have received 0.05 STEEM reward for this post from the following subscribers: @davidke20
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You got a 93.02% upvote from @minnowvotes courtesy of @cryptokannon!
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