Closing the door on codependency

I'm rolling with punches over here. I keep thinking I have a handle on this friend divorce I'm going through and then another punch lands. I have reached exhaustion.

When I am working with someone in a relationship like this one, I advise a clean break. That means cutting the person out of your life at every avenue possible. Block them on social media, change your phone number, get a restraining order if they keep coming around.

"I will find you."

That isn't an option for me. Not a realistic one. This person has access to my life at every level possible. They have created fake accounts to interact with me and feel this is fine. In this case, I believe it is better to keep the culprit visible even if I do fall into a panic spiral when they continually ignore my answers to their questions in favor of the answers they want me to give. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

But why won't they listen?!?! Hello! The answer is NO.

I'm feeling pretty sour about this.

I am okay with saying "no" until they hear it. And they will. I am good with words. I will keep finding new ways to express that boundary. It is just going to take a long time for them to listen. Oh well.

You are probably wondering what the big deal is. Well, as I said, this person tried to bankrupt me. They are a textbook narcissist. Our relationship was cultivated on codependence. They need me to need them. I don't. They don't like that. They define their self-worth by how much others need them. They view my continual refusal to enter their codependent relationship as a complete rejection. Thus the attempted coup on my financial life.

Anxiety and attempts to destroy the livelihood of one's family do not go well together. I recommend other pairings such as joy and family vacations. What this debacle has left me with is one ginormous PTSD trigger. Have I mentioned PTSD here? I did share that I was abused and have been the target of racial violence. Add to that my in-the-closet queerness (yep, Steemit is my closet). In short, active fiscal and verbal violence against my person to trigger my self-preservation instinct in a manner requiring intense recovery.

Just leave me alone!

In this case, that trigger looks like me shaking head to toe, teeth chattering and unable to eat or drink each time they contact me followed by repetitive nightmares and the occasional flashback.

For the most part, I've stopped responding. I am wrapping up every project we share and closing all the loops, so to speak. I am whittling our relationship down to one that can be cut clean off.

Even as I do this, I still choose to remember the good times we shared. Why? It reminds me this person is not a 2D villain. They are a complex, hurting human who wants to be loved. I hope one day they learn to seek love in a healthy manner just as much as I hope they begin to hear my no in earnest for what it is: a request for them to respect the boundaries I set so that I can be safe in myself and my friendships.

Images via Pixabay