As I sit in the middle of my own drama and try to extricate myself, several thoughts come to mind. One is the observance of boundaries. Clearly articulated boundaries that are respected are the key to any successful relationship. My current experience is the rampant and purposeful destruction of boundaries in every accessible area of my life.
I am whittling the list.
Soon access will be denied to the most prominent places where contact is being made. I haven't enforced these boundaries before because I don't want to hurt bystanders. Like kids in a divorce, they are going to respond and pick sides. Obviously, I want to retain my positive relationships, but not at the expense of my health.
That's what this has become: an individual hurt by their own stories trying to rip me apart so they can feel big and strong. But I don't feel small. I feel angry at this point because why drag this on for so long? It's not even about saving our friendship. It's about maximum damage. These are toddler tactics. It is so confusing.
I was reminded that narcissists try to confuse their victims so they will wonder whether they are doing the right thing. I have been reticent to protect myself by blocking contact because I don't want to hurt others. Which, I am realizing, is an idea they have pushed on me for awhile.
It has to end.
Will they make a scene, try to harm me, cultivate unhealthy relationships by encouraging others' distrust of me? Absolutely. The last item in my inbox is a great indicator of that. I was "forgiven" for upholding the standard they begged me to uphold as though in doing so I had established it. Yep, the tactic employed was gaslighting.
Nobody puts @honeyscribe in a corner.
I can't be afraid of lies. My life has been a wreck of anxiety. I am clinging to whatever positives I can pull out of a hat. One of those is writing it out. The line was drawn, redrawn and on and on. Now, despite that it will hurt this person that is hurting me and that makes me extremely sad, I am going to have to enforce it.
I am taking better care of me.
xoxo,
@honeyscribe
images via pixabay.com
Very good @honeyscribe, I am happy that you found a positive way to finish this post.
I mean life is life whatever or wherever, because in the end we are born alone and die alone.
Take care of you in the only way that you know!
Very good post and keep be postive and creative!
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I am glad too. I wrote this and a weight lifted off me. Anxiety went poof!
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Sorry you are going through this drama. A couple points of advice: keep the positives in focus. Throw away the negatives completely (they only drag you further down). Anger is a defense mechanism that protects us from feeling the pain of hurt. It is easier to be angry than it is to be hurt, but hurt helps us to be stronger. So don't deny hurt. Forgiveness is the next step in the process . This is the one I really struggle with. I've been told you can have forgiveness with out repentance, but it is much much harder. There is always light at the end of the tunnel (no matter how long that is)
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This is very helpful! My anger is gone today. I'm glad I allowed myself to feel it. It passed through me. I had forgiven, and then was angry again and feel I have forgiven again but with wisdom to not forget. I see that light!
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I hope everything is okay.
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Thank you. Me too.
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it's difficult to see the whole picture when you are in it.
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I am learning just how true this is.
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Only one who knows how to care of yourself can care about others.
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True.
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I liked your article. Helps you like mine ♥ @siams
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Thank you!
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Included in Steemprentice Spotlight 200+ member edition :)
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