I discovered my current pregnancy by chance sinceI have been breast feeding for more than two years. During this period, I researched quite a lot trying to understand what went wrong the previous time that led to the Caesarean operation, and how previous events affect my current condition.
I did not get much information about the operation and what were the findings, or what may have caused the pulse to drop, but I found that the fact that I underwent such a surgery in terms of the health system could deprive me of quite a few choices about the imminent birth. For example the possibility of not being continuously monitored, being in motion, giving birth at a natural birth center or home birth. The directives of the Ministry of Health reduce my freedom of action to a large extent in decisions that relate directly to my body and my baby in my woomb. I also discovered that the ministry's directives contradict in certain cases the physicians' oath and even the law, and that many of the considerations for those directives are contaminated with economic interests that are completely foreign to my benefit as a person and my fetus.
But I truly believe that if I do not act for the things I want and believe in my ability to achive them - there is little chance that someone else will choose to do them for me and therefore I feel that I have no other choice .
And that's why I know it must work in the end.
In Gad-Ari's pregnancy I dreamed of giving birth in water with dolphins ... It seemed magical and amazing, connected to nature and being present in the process I was about to undergo. It was not long before I realized that it was not really an option in Israel and I decided that at least we would try to find a hospital that provides as intimate environment as possible for the little family we were about to become, I did not know anything about home births yet.
After the discovery of this pregnancy, I published in a natural birth group on Facebook - which aperently decreased significantly after caesarean, that I dream of a corrective experience in the vision of having a homebirth close to my loved ones, in my safe and pleasant environment and without the frenzy that characterizes hospitals ... Most reactions there Were very empathetic and containing, but there was also one very grumpy who worked very hard to try to undermine my dream and threaten that I was jeopardizing myself and my baby and that I was irresponsible - that made me really angry ... In response another mother approached me and invited me to a different group, saying that my dream is more than possible, I will just have to learn the risks chances and consequences well to make an aware decision - needless to say I joined immidiatly to find out more about what until that moment seemed like a dream evaporated.
In the new group, I found that one of five women had Caesarean section, a similar percentage in first pregnancies and on conversations with other women I came to the sad conclusion that in many cases the operations were not necessary and the ease with which they are conducted is outrageous. Especially when you hear the unnecessary saying, 'The main thing is that you are both healthy and well,' and I wonder in what way cuting in my abdomen is considered complete or healthy and the long hospitalization of both of us following the CS as health.
This is only part of what I was exposed to that brought me to strive and plan a homebirth. And no, I'm not irresponsible. Quite the contrary - I choose to take responsibility for the process that I and my baby must undergo. I choose to recruit a specialist in this field to accompany us, I choose to receive real support from a certified birth attendant that will remind me of what I aspire for and why I do it even when I'll have no more strength ...
I choose to be with my loved ones in these fragile moments of creating new life that approach each day a little more. To allow them to take part, stay and be seround with them and not to taken away from them and separated or left alone.
I also prepare myself for the less desirable scenarios and take appropriate backup so I'm sure that even if they come true, there is a way I will feel more comfortable with them.
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In my vision is a water homebirth, in a small pool in the center of our living room, with only candlelight and a smell of fragrant citrus oil. Roi is with me and Gad, who sleeps in the room undisturbed and close enough not to miss me. My Dola Isabelle is with us too, helping me contain the pains of the contractions and letting go of it while moving in the water. The doctor will be in the other room waiting for him to be called, and occasionally comming out to check the pulse and make sure everything is normal. No fluorescent lights and no extra checks. Only what is necessary. Whose presence we would hardly feel. In the background plays a playlist from the healing melodies I have. The house is heated even though it is already spring.
I take a long sigh at the end. Roi, which just finished making an apple pie, is sitting next to me and caressing my head and alternately he and Isablle are massaging my pain away. The scent mixes with the fragrance of citrus and creates an amazing mix ...
A sip of cold water and then a burning sensation - I waited for it... I'm tired but know that I'm close already ... I do not know how much time passes untill I feel an urge to press! Isabelle calls the doctor, we can see the head! I kneel down in the water, shielding my tiny head with my hands, and a silent scream of pain and tears is released from me ... I give birth! I know how to give birth! I can! She's already here!
One last contraction and the doctor supports a tiny purple body covered in white vernix ...
It's dark but I can feel everyone's tears ... Here's another soul that came into the world!
Isabelle helps me put the baby on my chest and reminds me to rub her back a little ... and here's the first breath, then crying ... Gad awakens from sleep, Roi embraces and picks him up and brings him to us to meet his little sister.
The doctor examines the umbilical cord, and here she is looking to nurse. She lutches beautifully as if she had done it a 1000 times before.
Breastfeeding brings another contraction and the hole placenta slides into the water ... There is no major bleeding and the doctor checks that the uterus contract properly. And also examines the placenta.
A few more moments pass and the lifeline - the umbilical cord - changes color to white, that's the sign. The doctor tightens it and let Roi and Gad cut it. Gad wants to hug us ... I'm crying out of joy.
Roi brings me a robe and makes the bed, Isabelle helps me and wraps the baby in a soft towel and blanket and gives her to me. We go to the room and we all sit in bed together until the little one finishes nursing and falls asleep.
Gad strokes her head and gives her a kiss ... he is her biggest gift.
Isabelle takes the cake out of the oven and cuts into slices and places the pot of herbal tea on the coffee table. The team also needs to fill reservoirs.
The baby falls asleep exhausted from the journey. Roi takes off his shirt to hold her skin to skin. I go into the bathroom for a refreshing and pleasant shower.
We get dressed and we all go back to the living room. Gad also wants a cake and of course gets it. The doctor checks the little one, and makes sure everything is good. He has already filled out the necessary documents for us and does not urge us to go to register in a hospital. He takes a cup of coffee and greets us on his way out - he has a long way back home ...
Isabelle stays with us a little longer and then embraces lovingly and does not forget to tell me how proud she is of me ... and reminds Roi that she even took some pictures as a souvenir in the camera ... and she too is on her way.
This is the end of the story of my birth, we go to sleep and tomorrow we'll wake up to a new reality!
And for you little one, I whisper in her ear, today is the first day of the rest of your life! I wish they were as magical and joyful as your arrival!
***soon - the real story!