Everything I was told should be my greatest insecurities and weaknesses, everything that I've been labeled - short, nerdy, skinny, weak, impulsive, ugly, tomboy, poor, rebel, loud, freak, crazy - turned out to be my greatest strengths. I didn't become successful in spite of them. I became successful because of them - AJ Lee

When you are comfortable in a situation (or with life in general) then to a large degree it no longer challenges you. You have your routines and from one day to the next, very little changes – so there is no need to face your demons. Everything is familiar. Everything is relatively predictable. Everything is safe.

You go about your routine business with a "smile and a wave"...

A lot of things you do to cover up insecurities can be just as harmful to you as anything else - Tyler Joseph

But when we decide to step outside of that comfort zone and into an area of “unfamiliar territory” (perhaps meeting someone new, starting a new job, moving to a new town etc.) it is amazing how quickly all the pretty little ribbons on all the boxes can start to unravel, once again revealing what had been so neatly and conveniently packed away. All your emotional and mental scars suddenly visible once again…

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Well, I don’t think anybody can really say that they “enjoy” having to acknowledge or experience their weaknesses, insecurities or fears because they don’t generally make us feel very good about ourselves or a particular situation and will more often than not, raise some rather unpleasant memories - but surely ignoring them and pretending that because they were so nicely packed away that they don’t actually exist any longer... is even worse?

All this says to me is that they have not been dealt with, you have not healed in those areas of yourself or your life and those issues will continue to resurface for as long as you choose to disregard them or pack them away…

I know I have experienced this and as much as it may not be pleasant to “go through” – I do not necessarily think it is a bad thing as you are being forced to re-evaluate.

In addition to this, you might discover that the “outcome” and/or “reaction” to the situation by yourself or someone else, may turn out differently to what you have experienced in the past – ultimately changing the way you see and feel about it all… which can be very constructive.

As an example… because of childhood experiences, previous physically, emotionally and verbally abusive relationships that I have been in as well as other decisions I have made throughout my life – emotional insecurity is something I have always had to work hard at controlling… one of which, is a great fear of loss and also of being hurt and/or betrayed by those closest to me. This fear and insecurity breeds like a disease when it is afforded the freedom to occupy space in your mind – generally resulting in what we all know as the “green demon” – jealousy.

Now as much as I have learned to deal with this much more appropriately as I have gotten older, I am still faced with it from time to time...

I tend to be able to “remove myself” from issues somewhat, in order to see solutions, so having done that and realising where the moments of fear and insecurity stem from, I have learned to look at what is needed in order to calm myself and to get rid of such feelings… and that is REASSURANCE - so that is what I will generally seek. Not always in the most ideal manner, but you live and learn right... lol

I have learnt to communicate this to those who are close to me. So when they encounter me reacting in a certain manner to a specific situation, they now know that it would help me a lot more if they were to… instead of “REACTING” to my insecurities negatively, that they do the complete opposite and offer me reassurance.

This calms those wild and infectious thought processes and it also teaches me how to acknowledge the feelings but then to let them go rather than building them up to a point of being explosive.

These days I have actually been fortunate enough to have such company that I do not even need to explain such things... it has just been naturally "perceived" and then simply dealt with in the most positive way which therefore eradicates the negative and brings about a much more positive "me" at the end of it all... :)

The people that truly care about us are always more than willing to support you... but insecurity does not always encourage the confidence to ask this of them.

It is an especially wonderful instance then, when you don't even have to. They simply do it - because they "get it".

What I have previously experienced is no longer the same. The fears I have developed over the years of being physically hurt, verbally abused, neglected or discarded are slowly losing their grip on me, every time I am forced to face that type of situation and I am shown that the ending does not need to be the same as it was before.

So in that respect, I think that whilst it may not always be a comfortable, convenient or pleasant thing to have to experience those emotions and/or thoughts again, (for me or those around you)... especially if you have packed them away so nicely for a VERY long time – it is HUGELY beneficial to your psychological and emotional healing process.

So... scary as it may be, the next time you are faced with a situation that places you in a state of fear, try relaying the “context” of the reaction and emotion to either yourself or to the other/s involved and you will most likely find that in their understanding of it, you will gain a very different result to what you have become accustomed to – therefore triggering a very different emotion within – one which is no longer fearful.

We all have anxiety about things. We all have little insecurities, but eventually you have to face your fears if you want to be successful, and everybody has some fear of failure.- Nick Saban

Until next time...

Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx

#thealliance