How intermittent fasting almost killed me.

Ok so maybe I’m crazy but when I gained weight after I purchased a fitbit charge II, and used it for three months, I finally gave up. Is it wrong to like food? Ok, I love food. Maybe it’s an obsession. But I have tried every diet, counted calories till the frikkin things started hiding from me and exercised in fits and starts; but to no avail. I’ve started to measure my weight gain in people. Right now I’m four Ariana Grandes over weight. Four is an easier number to deal with than say 100 pounds. I like fours. Right about New Year's Day, I decided to join the gym. Until you join a gym, you don't fully understand the trauma you are in for.

Right off the bat, gym member ships are written in blood. You know there is a portal to hell somewhere in the sauna room. Just sayin’. Gym machines are modern torture devices with which we voluntarily punish ourselves for the sins of Twinkies and Devil’s food cake. I often think they could put in a confessional booth and be done with the damned thing. Forgive me Father, I have sinned three times today. Once with an Egg McMuffin and twice with Ben and Jerry. It could work.

So one day I stumbled across intermittent fasting on my YouTube feed.
Starve the man said. Don’t eat, you’ll loose weight. I thought about that for a bit. Maybe he was on to something. I’d never tried starving. I tried being celibate once. Worst five minutes of my life. But starving? Never tried it. Then I got to thinking about the hormonal implications. When you don’t eat, you don’t release insulin. Insulin is a nice hormone that allows us to store starches/sugars as fat but in today’s world, we have too many sugars, too many processed foods, fast foods, meals ready to eat, slurpies, smoothies, fried chicken fingers and alligator bites. We eat all day, insulin is produced all day and we push our bodies into fat storage mode. Viola. Love handles, muffin tops and moobs. You know, man boobs. Never a pretty sight. Hairy boobs ugh.

Fast, the nice doctor said. When you fast, you don't produce insulin. No insulin, no fat. You actually use up the fat you stored. The doctor looked so genuine and pleasant, I decided on the spot to try it. Go slow he said, when you are fasting.

Go slow and fast.

Right. Slow and Fast. Start by skipping the snacks between meals. Check. Did that on Monday. Then skip a meal. Check. Tuesday’s done. I skipped breakfast. By 9.00 a.m. On Tuesday, I felt like gnawing the corners of my desk. I looked longingly at the refrigerator. I had a nice sandwich in there. I made it for emergencies. At 10.00, I had a full blown emergency. My nose twitched at every food like smell in the building. Someone made coffee. I detected the heavenly smell at 1000 paces. A microwave opened, I smelt a hot pocket. Nirvana. I rejoiced. I felt like Jack Nicholson in ‘Wolfman.’ My senses were now razor sharp, I knew the smell of every lunch bag and food container for two square miles. If I could only avoid the farts. Well, that’s another story.

I survived Tuesday with fervent prayer, long bouts of sweating and panicked looks. My co-workers muttered something about methamphetamine, but I didn’t care. I was fasting.

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Tune in tomorrow, I’ll fill you in on what happened on Wednesday. At least if you’re interested. I survived Tuesday but Wednesday was a whole new ballgame.
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With love and hugs.
J.
Just btw, I'm not a medical doctor and this post is not intended to give medical advice.I'm just relating what I'm doing to myself for my own entertainment. Seek medical advice for weight loss.