"Sex as we know it is influenced by the mind. As humans we can choose to have sex, unlike our animal friends, they never think about it, its happening when its happening. Whereas we can choose when to have it and how to have it".
I. Introduction
Sex brings joy, excitement, and possibility of love and connection, but also brings sadness, disappointment, and loss of interests. Why?
One possibility is because we think climax is the reason to have sex. it's what we expect. Our mind is imprinted with certain program or agenda. However, the possible outcome of this agenda is we become half-hearted, we give up and stop trying , or we look for another partner, hoping things will work out better.
These problems are not inherent to sex, the problem is not sex itself, the problem lies in the style of having it. Our common style is mind-filled sex, we always think about it, even when we're not having it. If we believe that the climax is the reason, it has to be hot, intense, and build excitement and sensation.
II. What is Mindful Sex?
The awareness of using the mind, using it to direct the attention to be centered aware in the body, you are not lost in thoughts. We bring that same quality of meditation into the exchange, attention is directed to the body. Your body is used as sensing organ. its like "being sex" rather than doing sex. it's not something you work for, so you relax and take it easy.
Imagine you are spending time in nature, you are given two options:
- Go for your favorite trail and reach the peak
- Stay in the valleys and enjoy the moment
Staying in the valley, exploring the forest, relaxing by the river and you spend that day with no particular goals in mind, and without the strain and effort of reaching for the peaks. To make a conscious decision to stay in the valleys and not always searching for the peaks.
Why do people fall in and out of love over and over again?
There has to be more to sex, than just chasing for the peaks and climax. bringing awareness to sex as a spiritual experience is a form of tantra, an ancient body of knowledge from India
What does mindful sex look like?
When we bring mindfulness in, certain shifts and changes begin to happen:
- From early ejaculation to lasting much longer
- From physical pain to physical pleasure
- From performance pressure to relaxing and taking it easy
- From disconnection to feeling bonding with your partner
- From losing interest to willingness, longing, and return
- from seeing sex as as duty to feeling valued and appreciated
How do we do it?
Awareness in sex will increase the intimacy and love bond with any couple.
9 basic principles of mindful sex:
- Controlled expectations
- Intention is to be aware and present as possible, take it moment by moment
- Repeatly scan your body and relax tensions
- Breathe deep and slow
- Entering the body consciously
- Instead of mechanical back and forth movements, it should naturally create slowness and increase sensitivity.
- Eyes are open that indicates you are present
- Share in words what you experience in your body
- Have a sense of humor, funny things do happen. its healthy to have a good laugh.
III. Conclusion
Ultimately, mindful sex is staying on the cool zone and not get too hot and excited. sex is like fire, it will quickly let it burn bright, it will create beautiful blazing flames, but very soon that fire will die down, where as if you build it piece by piece and keep the flame low, then that same fire will last.
Problems are created through mind-filled sex, so give yourself another option:
- Use mind-filled sex when you want rush or quick high.
- Use mind-ful sex when you want to nurture love and connection between you in a deeper level.
Climax might have been great but afterwards you feel a bit tired, disconnected, or sad. whereas the cooler style, you might feel refreshed, energized, uplifted, and more in love with your partner. It's just a doorway so close to home, it is easy to pass it by or overlook it. But, it is just around the corner and a whole new universe opens up.
This is a life-changing truth that awareness in sex creates love and nurtures connections. I dream of a world where we don't only fall in love and then fall out of love, but where we rise in love together. Creating a new experience for humanity:
- Where couples lives in harmony
- Where sex improves the longer you are together
- Where sex brings healing, connection, confidence, and clarity
- Where sex invites love and peace on earth.
I wish you a courageous heart and the spirit of adventure.
IV. Bibliography
The Power of Mindful Sex, Diana Richardson, TEDxLinz