I grew up in a home where, no matter how happy or how dire a situation was, the answer was to make and enjoy a cup of tea.
At midnight if I returned from a dance and I was in love for ever and ever, I'd make a pot of tea and take it into my mother's bedroom and she would happily discuss it with me ....
Similarly if I was sure I had failed an exam the shared pot of tea worked its magic.
I don't mean to be flippant but the loss of a handbag, a relative or a favourite kitten was treated in the same way.
Girls and women meet all over the world for a cup of tea (green, red, Indian or Chinese), coffee (black, Americano, flat white, 'why bother decaf'), horlicks or cocoa.... whatever.
It is the foundation on which one can share whatever is going on in one's life. Women can laugh .... discuss.....advise and cry and 9/10 times one's mood is elevated. My daughters call it 'venting' and it saves an enormous amount of money that one would have to pay a counselor to listen to one's problems, when a mother will do it free of charge, with a cup of tea and if you're lucky a slice of your favourite cake too!
Yesterday I was invited to a tea party with my sister whom I was visiting.
We went to a rustic, semi outdoor restaurant with huge comfy cushions on low benches especially for Dorothea who has a baby of 8 months and he would most probably need a breast feed.
There were five of us excluding James whose only contribution to the conversation was a short spell of crying loudly at the indignity of needing to sleep when he really wanted to take part in what was going on! (He was practising I think for when he became a man!)
Women often gather to gossip and while I'm not against knowing what is going on in the lives of people I know and love, I positively object to the often hurtful and destructive comments that can sometimes even destroy relationships. The other aspect of conversation that I feel needs to be strictly controlled is the tendency to focus on the negative aspects of life. It often generates fear.
Not knowing any of these women except for my sister I was interested to meet them and find out what they would talk about.
I was in for a very interesting long morning. Yes, the delicious carrot cake and my piping hot coffee did work in its favour !
Here are the topics that were discussed with lots of give and take and hard questions. Advice was asked for, accepted or rejected, I will probably never know.
I asked Dorothea if her baby was a good sleeper and she told us about the Baby Sleep Training Program that she and her husband were paying for. I was fascinated having brought my children up in a very different day and age.
Marnie was recovering from an operation and had consulted a Pain Management Specialist as she had some issues to be addressed.
Brenda had just returned form walking 500 klms of the El Camino trail, mostly in Spain. She was 70 years old and fit and tanned after a month in the sunshine. I was impressed and jealous, to a very small degree!
Sue Ellen continued her saga of her on/off love affair with Richard and gave some details that I would rather have been left in ignorance of, but when she asked each of us for our opinions I was as loud as the others in telling her what I thought she should do.
I was intrigued that I fell into a close intimacy with women who trusted me simply because they knew my sister very well. I listened and spoke freely and with great enjoyment. The cake and coffee were simply the excuse to sit together for three hours. We were mostly light hearted and laughed a lot. But we wiped tears away over the sleepless nights and the lost love as well.
Empathy, acceptance, freedom to speak and affection were the underlying cornerstones of the morning together.
Over the next few days I'm going to write about these conversations and you can comment in any way you like... even be negative if you need to!