Hi readers , since I no longer have access to my old account, I posted chapter 1, I'll post it here, Incase you haven't read it, note that ,chapter 2 follows .

Being_Karen_Kay(chapter#1~Just_a_touch)
icequeenlove (42) in story • last month

Chapter 1-Just a touch

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And as the weather got colder , so did my thoughts run wilder. lying on bed, was me trying hard to be the perfectly good girl.
As if the memories that brought some feelings alive to me did me any good. In my head it was a battlefield.
Just a few minutes ago I could bet on my life I was the uptight who needed no soft touch. I guess there's always that moment of vulnerability except this time around I chose to win. And that sounded pathetic.

"Say something errr", "is she sleeping?" ,"baby kay what's wrong? Are you okay," they called out

"Yeah I'm okay just sleepy", i managed to let these words out. What Karl and Jane didn't know was how much I needed to be cuddled and how silly and weird I thought it was. Jane would probably laugh at me and make jokes out of it. I wasn't sure Karl was ready to be in that position of having me in his arms while we laid under the sheets. I just brushed it off my mind, at least not completely.

At last I had to give myself a mental shake and crawl out of my blanket. It seemed my state was rather out of the blues. I guess I had to jump back into the blues! Being the mischievous Kay!, I headed right at Karl and snatched his drink away from him leaving him with an expression on his face that seemed priceless to me.
"Oh Kay!!!! Not again!!!!" He ran to get a grip of my wrist. Too bad, I was quick enough.
I gulped the fruit drink as fast as I could with a wicked satisfaction.
Jane just laughed and continued with her paper works. Talking of Karl, he found the whole act funny . "Wasn't he suppose to get mad ?" I thought . "Probably, pouring some water on him will cause him to rage"

I could tell from the expression on their faces, they wondered what i was going to do next. I rushed to get a bottle of water before anyone could stop me.
"Don't do that please " he begged "aww" i just loved this. I knew I didn't really want to be this mischievous but what I also knew was that my thoughts and desires were still lingering. He held my arms tight enough and pulled the bottle. And all I thought of was how that felt. It was a soft yet wild grip. He looked sweet trying to be more stubborn. At that instant , i wasn't sure if I was trying to save the bottle or get lost out of my thoughts . The struggle led us to fall on the bed. I laughed hysterically but I fought fiercely in my mind. Part of my insecurities is when my thoughts are made known. Was Jane reading my thoughts? I guess not . I think i was being paranoid. A part of me wanted to be naughty .

I'm friends with two Virgins who haven't dated before . And I wasn't ready to be seen as the world's baddest girl. At least not that night. " Nope it isn’t happening DAAAAMN" i said that loud thinking it was all in my mind.
But who cares? They wouldn't figure it out anyway.

Just when I started to think of ice-cream, Karl let his hands run in my hair. Like that wasn't enough, he constantly rubbed the back of his palm on my cheeks. He wasn't aware of the shivers that run through my spine. He laid by me and as we spoke , i kept staring at his lips. I kept nodding and responding to whatever he said while I imagined what it will be like to kiss Karl. I could be the sexy wild yet cute girl to break his lips . I could give him a magical experience. I had mastered my art so well that I didn't need to start before I knew what it will be like . If only Jane wasn't around, if only I could close his eyes, if only I could plunge that kiss on his lip...if only....

"Karen kay, snap back before you regret any action" my inner voice said.
I took my gaze from his lips to his eyes trying hard not to catch a glimpse of his collar bone.
Stubbornly, I wondered if his body was warm
"Are you okay?", Karl asked. As if he knew what was going on
"Eerrm yup", i said .

"What makes an oil boil?" I teasingly asked. Knowing how much my best friend hated riddles.. But shockingly he knew the alphabet 'B' makes an oil ,Boil.

I cared soo much about Karl. I loved his innocence and I wasn't ready to get him into my bus of naughtiness. What if he gets addicted? And what if It was going to mean a lot to him afterwards. I've had a reputation of being flirty except when I'm around Jane and Karl. These two keep me in check and I'm mostly thankful.
If only I had no experience, I wouldn't be fighting.
It makes sense to say the body has a mind of it's own. It recalls every bit of feelings from the past. There are times I yearn for a touch , a warm body wrapped around me, cold lips pressed to my neck, these feelings come to me uninvited and I constantly fight them away; thanks to my spiritual background .

"What's up with Kay ? She keeps being absent minded today" Jane reached out to Karl from the other side of the room

"Interesting. You guys should just leave me alone to get better", i thought out loud
"I'm sick", i covered up. And with that, the night was over. Dawn was close, Karl was gone, Jane asleep and I... just laid on my bed reminiscing; where it all started.
.... to be continued. ..

yes, Chapter two continues ,

  #yesterday 

"Okay mom, point is, I can't even fake it. I ain't talking, I just can't, nothing is funny to me, I really don't want Jane thinking her presence is affecting me In anyway, because it's not."

"Don't worry baby, just be natural, with time,you'd bounce back.just allow time to. "

It's been 3 days since I got back from the Easter break ,and I had written 2 of my midsem exams already,
Today I washed ,and went out to purchase some items, courtesy of my lil sister.
I'm sick , and the remedy is time, I tried talking to a friend yesterday and the result wasn't expected . Wait, would you also agree with me when I say , people think they are ready to listen when they ask "how are you"? after trying for the last time to talk about a little confusion, it amounted to nothing. same ol' story . Embarrassed, I was ,lessons,I learnt. Keep your mouth shut , and don't stop saying "I'm fine" else you are tagged even unconsciously as "the one who always has issues" let's get this straight,
I want to talk, infact I've been wanting to talk, I realise I don't know who to talk to ,
For Christ sake, nobody really has that time.
I drew the conclusions, the one who prolly has that time, is fighting to create boundaries, not to fall for my stupid charms. Which means I should shut up and set my boundaries, an indirect way of saying "hey lil momma,don't get me soo attached to your personal life

There is me sitting right here typing , with a mini laptop on my laps. Take a wild guess, tell me what series I'm watching...

Okay you might be wondering what I wanna talk about, and that's the point, I can't lay hands on what it is. I just feel wasted, disappointed, tired , and drained, I'll emphasize on the last word. "Drained" just Drained!

Home was magical it felt like I had gone for a therapy, you know how therapy works right, now, I don't know who the therapist is, I can only talk to him or her, mom was the only person I spoke that much with, I felt alive , well, I went home purposely to play a role ffor. my uncle's wedding. everything was successful, I made every one proud, oh yeah ,I love the feeling of success.c'mon I must say I'm adorable 😁. Wait , before you start thinking I blow my own horn, know that, mom said it, friends said it, I believe my friends so, I am . Not as adorable as that cute one you seen right.. Great.

It turned out, I made some discoveries as well, let me use the right word, "revelation" I'm prolly scared , confused , and quite alone in my own thoughts, I've tried to talk but no one seems to understand me.
And my little insecurity of being judged wrongly makes me over explain ,well I don't know if I do that . After reading this, I'm guessing you know how messed up it is, you can't find meaning to anything I'm writing ,ain't it? so that's how my few days have been. I want to talk to someone, I need it, but I can't find the words..
.........End of chapter 2.

These are the times, I'd wanna travel, change environmeNT .. Thanks for reading, it sure feels okay, you were quite entertained . And heyaa, I was watching "SUITS" just began the series..See ya..Good night.