The Spirit of a Mother

This comings mother's day is going to be a very different experience for me than the last 17 have been.

My favorite until now was three years ago. I got to wake up naturally with no one yelling in my face or jumping on me because my was-band got up early to be awake when the kids got up. After a peaceful wake up I laid in bed and read for awhile - something I NEVER get to do but really enjoy. Then about 11am I was greeted (in bed) by my children with flowers and gift. My oldest daughter Zoe had drawn me a picture of the Eiffel tower because she knew how much I wanted to go to Paris but missed out on an opportunity to go because I couldn't leave my children. Lelu had made me a card and I got a big baby kiss from little Patrick.

I was then ushered to the kitchen for a gourmet brunch of homemade waffles, pancakes, eggs, bacon, fruit, and orange juice. With all the condiments of course like fresh whipped cream and blueberry topping. After a family breakfast I retreated back to my room to relax a bit, then I showered and got to shave, do my makeup, and do other stuff to make myself feel pretty.

I think I hung out with a mother friend of mine after that… All I know is I spent very little time with the people that allowed me to call myself a mother that day - and yet I'm remembering this as the best one so far.

That seems a little messed up doesn't it…? So I have been thinking about that and why I feel the way I do.

This year I do not have a was-band to inspire the kids to do nice things for me, to celebrate me, or to just acknowledge what I do for them each day. Surprisingly I'm OK with that since my perspective on life has changed greatly in the last 5 years. All I really wanted was to feel loved for who I was and for a long time motherhood made me feel like I lost myself to others so I liked to focus on me when given the opportunity.

Now I sit here and contemplate the spirit of a mother. At first I hear one of those super cheeses BS hallmark cards running through my mind, no mother is really like that and if she is 100% selfless in devotion to others then she is miserable or will be empty when they are gone.

Then I think about the mothers that most would consider bad or neglectful. Even they really don't think they are causing harm to others, they are just too selfish to see how their actions impact others.

So what is left in-between?

People say being a mother it is the hardest job in the world, but why is that?

It is not hard to cook, clean, and care for others. It might be annoying or irritating if you do it for long enough from a bad energetic place, but it is honestly not hard. It is hard though to be tuned in enough to other humans to know when they need something - especially if they don't verbalize those needs. It is hard to think of others before yourself - hell it almost defies the laws of nature to us as human beings.

It is easy to see that your child are their own person, even with 50% of your DNA, they still have their own thoughts, wishes, ideas, and way of doing things. It shouldn't be hard to just enjoy them for who they are but most parents spend a ton of their time trying to teach their children how to think and act like them. Why do we do this? Are we afraid we won't like our children I they are not like us? How many of us even really love ourselves enough for this to be a valid concern? lol

It is easy to love another person unconditionally. It is hard to remember that love doesn't have to be contingent on reciprocation.

So this mother's day I am going to remember who I am, incorporating my motherself and not worrying about loosing the rest of me. I appreciate who I am and what I do and don't need that validation from others. I'm going to love my children for who they are and not worry about trying to change them into who I think they should be. I'm going to make a nice dinner for my community to honor the other mothers here, @everlove & @truelovelives, who are doing the same thing and to thank them for helping me see there are better ways.

This is what I think is the Spirit of a Mother.