I would not be where I am today if it weren't for all the shit I've had to deal with in the past. Only problem is, I can't remember what exactly caused the transition from being spineless and stressed to being confident and carefree.
What I can say, is that these days more of my time is spent talking to other people about their own problems than it is about myself. It really helps to have lots of conversations with different kinds of people.
One thing I come across quite frequently is how we often let external factors affect how we think and feel on the inside. Of course it's a no-brainer since we live in our environment and because of it are naturally a product of it, but after a while we should be able to actively notice the things around us and think more critically about their effect on ourselves and the way they make us feel certain feelings and do certain things as a result.
This can be anything that happens outside the confines of our mind. Shit going on at work is a common stress that we deal with, especially when we arguably spend more time working than we do doing what we actually want to do with our lives. On the other hand, our families probably account for most of the stress we deal with on a daily basis.
Outside of our social obligations are those financial, such as bills, rent, mortgage, and insurance. How funny is it that the things meant to facilitate our well-being are in fact seeming to do the opposite?
In any case, these stressors are indeed valid and have good reason to be such a massive part of our lives. But when we look at sources of stress, no matter what it is or where it comes from, the reality is that the stress comes from how we react to these stressors in our minds. And by that regard, if we have control over our minds, then we have control over our stress.
As I've said before,
To conquer your mind is to conquer the world.
It's obvious that we stress over things like not having enough money and potentially not getting along with the people in our lives, but the reason why we get stressed is often due to the way we perceive these things.
Whenever shit hits the fan, some of our first reactions will be to bandage the initial damage. Blaming is a common reaction. Some of us are a bit more logical and will actively try to get rid of the thing causing that negative emotion from us. Makes sense after all, since removing the problem removes the need for a solution. And sometimes this works.
But what happens when the entire world has turned against you? Figuratively, of course. What I mean is, what happens when the source of stress comes from more than one place? How will you deal with it then? Will you try to fight against it all? Remember that we're not only dealing with ourselves, but other people as well.
If we can't deal with our flaws, how will we with the rest of the world?
So to start, we will have to work on ourselves.
The first step is recognizing that these flaws exist. I hope you've already come to terms with that.
Next is to single them out, one-by-one. This step can be rather easy, since they usually come in times of unsound judgement. When your mind and heart are racing in an interaction, there's a chance one of your shortcomings have come out to play. It's up to you in times like these to suppress them by simply stepping away and recollecting yourself.
Easier said than done for some of us, I know. One example is myself, where I've relapsed in gambling multiple times, and have the depleted funds to prove it. But even after the event has played itself out and our flaws go back into hiding, we are able to revisit the interaction and think on it. It's important in this step to not make excuses. Because in doing this we are giving our flaws second chances. You cannot say, "But they made me feel that way", or "I can't help it", since you chose to carry out actions based on those feelings, and you could have helped it but you chose not too. Remember, it's all in our heads.
Once we know what we're dealing with, we can finally work on getting rid of them.
Before I go on, I should say that I don't expect a random article on the internet to solve everyone's problems. People spend their entire lives dealing with their demons, and some never do or don't want to bother doing so. Some try to help themselves in all the ways they can think of, and yet they still suffer.
So I don't want to make it seem like I can instantly solve all of your problems. I still have myself to work on.
But I can tell you that I've dealt with my demons in the past, and have conquered them. So if I was able to do it, others will probably be able to also. Let's get on with it then.
I can't remember exactly when it was, but at some point in my life I attacked everyday problems with logic. Because logic cannot be challenged. I mean, you sure as hell could try, but you'll look like an idiot in doing so.
Maybe I was born with it, but I saw the flaws in everyday life and looked for the reasons to why they were. In finding those reasons, I understood more about the way the world worked. Obviously it didn't all make sense. Why were some people shitty to other people? Why do some people do more work in return for less? Why do good things happen to bad people and vice versa? Why do people do certain things for seemingly no good reason?
Because no matter what goes on inside each one of us, the rules of the universe apply to everyone and everything. And the universe doesn't care whether you're rich or poor, or bad or nice, or stupid or smart, or anything. It just acts itself out. By living in the society we're in, the set of rules and circumstances created by people automatically become the "rules of the universe". It's a bit abstract of a concept to easily explain, but I will try.
These "rules" are anything that's apparent or enforced, either passively or actively by people or naturally existing in nature. The most obvious of these "rules" are those made by the governments we live in. You can't steal a crapton of money and suddenly become rich, because that's punishable by "law". But, if you follow the apparent "rules" of how people have a natural tendency to want to make a quick buck, you can open a casino and have people play different types of games in order to try to make that quick buck. By following the "rules" of the government that allow you to run a casino and the natural "rules" that make people find an appeal in gambling, you've made yourself a lot of money in running that casino. See how it kind of works?
When we're talking about stress and things that make us feel shitty, it helps to notice these "rules", since they provide us a reason as to why things happen the way that they do. This keeps us from feeling the need to blame or resent other people or whatever it is that's making us feel that shitty feeling. Sometimes when you deal with a shitty person, you just can't help the way they act, because that's just how they are as a person, and that in itself is a "rule". Or, the only way they would react differently would be with a different set of circumstances or different people, and that itself is a "rule" as well. You might be struggling with the way you are as a person, or the circumstances you were put in, either by yourself or something else that was outside of your control, and those are "rules" that you could not have helped. But through the same way of thinking, there are always sets of "rules" that you can use to help the "rules" that came before them. These "rules" are everything that exists and anything you can understand and use to maneuver your way through life.
Those who succeed in life are the ones who know how to use these "rules" to their advantage and move through them. They bend and work around it in order to create an optimal path for their lives.
I think a lot of us already do try to look for these "rules" and accept them. It's just that when you actually look at them as "rules", and not just things that are and that happen, you set yourself further away from any negative emotion that might come with these "rules" and the things they apply to.
This method of looking at the world and the way people and the things around us work, I've found, does feel like it removes the humanness of everyday life. Since we're meant to feel feelings, whether they're shitty or amazing. Looking at life through a set of "rules" seems rather robotic and systematic in a way that separates yourself from everything and everyone around you.
But, that just might be my next thing to think about. Keeping the humanness in that systematic way I look at life, so that I don't detach myself too much from the world I live in.
If you've read this far, I applaud and thank you for taking your precious time to explore my thoughts. If you have anything to say whatsoever, good or bad, I'm open to hearing it.