Don't Waste Your Youth Searching for your Soul Mate.

For most of my adult life I serial dated.

I was obsessively looking for "the one". I was constantly feeling like I was lacking and like I needed to be touched and loved. I was on dating sites and would hop from date to date. Getting my hopes up over and over. I would get invested WAY too soon. I would fall for guys who I was infatuated with that were smoother talkers even though, in retrospect, it was obvious they were just trying to get in my pants. Then I would be devastated when they ditched me.

I know not everyone is that way but I have seen many young women with similar habits and also met some guys who are constantly wanting to find their mate. I met one guy who I talked to on the phone mostly and was just in the "getting to know" phase and he started talking about having babies!! Woah, back up buddy.

Okay, so what's the big deal? Dating is fun.

Dating can be fun but when you are in your 20's your MAIN focus shouldn't be to find a partner it should be to find YOURSELF. Nobody knows who they are fully at 20, nobody. Most of us think we do but trust me you don't. You have soul searching to do and you're in your prime time to do it! I am now incapacitated with a bladder disease that rules out sex and boy do I wish I had done something other than date a bunch of people in my twenties.

Go out and find your passions. If you have your passions go do them! Like really get out there. Travel, take yourself out, enjoy your freedom. Learn to actually enjoy being alone. I now really enjoy myself. I like my hobbies, I like my home, I like just being in it with myself. I don't feel like I need another person. I plan to eventually have my bladder disease under control and I will maybe want to date again but you know what a year and a half of not dating has got me? I am starting businesses and really getting my shit together and I am finding myself and learning to love myself.

That's the key! You really DO need to love yourself first.

I am not saying no romance has ever worked out with a person who didn't love themselves but it sure will be a rockier relationship with a lot more footwork. Learning to love yourself makes you a better partner. You are less likely to be jealous, insecure, constantly needing of validation. You are more confident, and passionate and most importantly you are getting into a relationship for the right reasons.

If you get into a relationship just because you are so lonely and you need someone to fill that hole you are not doing it for the right reason and it won't work, hands down. You owe it to yourself and your potential partners to know why you are looking for companionship and to have it be for the right reasons. Not because you can't live without them but because living with them enriches your life. The "I can't live without you" Romeo & Juliet type romance is for teens and if it carries into adulthood it's just unhealthy. You should be fully capable of being your own person.

So, take this time, take your youth, and really spend it living!

Also, it can be fun to date I am just saying don't make it the entire focus of your youth.