The adults around me labeled me as lacking ambition. Then, something shifted within me. I developed the ambition I needed, and I fought hard to win that race. I believed I had succeeded. However, I was shocked to learn afterward that I would compete in the Olympics with others who had also won in their categories, and I found myself at Boğaziçi.
I was still in denial. But even if I didn't accept it, I had learned to compete, and I finished that challenge too.
Then, I stepped into the business world, which I thought would be easier than a relay race, but I faced a challenge much tougher than I expected. This race made the ÖSS look easy. People rarely discuss this challenge, yet it is filled with strict rules. I remained in denial and did not enjoy this competition.
At 25, I recognized that if I was going to race, it had to be against myself. I realized, "You can't truly win against others; it only seems like you do." The best struggle is when someone tries to improve themselves. For the first time, I began creating and writing purely for my own enjoyment. I wrote for no one else but myself, sometimes staying up all night or working all day Sunday at my desk, simply because I loved it.
At 27, I officially left behind corporate competition. My journey to compete with myself had begun. Since that moment, my focus shifted to creating. I wrote books, made macramé, planted flowers, and baked cookies—not because anyone asked, but because it made me feel good.
In recent years, my competitive nature has held me back at times. Since 2019, I published one book each year. After finishing my master's thesis, I experienced a phase of my life where I felt the least productive. I only worked and socialized for 3.5 months. I began to ask myself: "What do I want to do, what can I create?" There were many questions, but I struggled to concentrate and answer them. My thoughts were all over the place.
By the end of December, I decided, "January is for me." I would still work and spend time with loved ones, but I needed to appreciate my alone time. So, I took a break from Instagram, not because it’s a bad platform, but because I had developed a habit of checking it every time I had free moments over the past few months.