My Parents and their legacy on my wellbeing

My Parents and their legacy on my wellbeing

Before you read this please be aware that I respect my parents for their challenges in life and that in no way am I downplaying their parentage. I am only commenting ony the observations that I have made and the steps I’ve taken to heal. I am at peace with both parents and forgive them for everything. I’m not perfect either, after all.

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So you’ve heard about my Dad and the awe inspiring individual of society that he was, knocking my teeth out if I stepped a foot out of his predetermined line, or drunk, and stupid and shouting at me when I was younger. He wasn’t a nice man. He just wasn’t.

Regardless of what anyone tells me, he wasn’t.

I’d hear it from his friends all the time.

“He loves you, you know, your Dad”

And it always made me think,

“What in the actual hell do you know?”

Because he treated them differently to me. I was his toy, to be abused.

And what they were saying, it did come from a really heartfelt place. They were just trying to shine some light on a dire situation.

So I let them have their say.

But what about my Mum?

What about the strong lady that ran away with me in the middle of the night one fateful day? I was five. I’m continually grateful for her doing that.

What did she do for me?

Lots.

But I keep saying this and it’s why you’ll hear me standing up for the male population just as much as the female,
‘It takes a woman to have a child, but it takes a real lady to be a Mum’

Because giving birth to a child doesn’t automatically make a woman mother of the year, and mother of the year she definitely wasn’t

But she DID try. And that I have the utmost respect for, and certainly in difficult times as they were, she tried her best.

Mum liked her drink. In fact, she still likes her booze.

No matter how many times I try to tell her to cut down she gets ranty and shouty, so I just leave her be.

I was raised around lots of parties, and drinks, and the idea to have fun and let your hair down was to have a shitload of alcohol

This was my childhood. I became an alcoholic

I gave up drink in the end. It was like I woke up from a horrible nightmare. After 6 months of sobriety it was like someone had kicked my mind into action.

So beautiful, this world.

And she never stood up for me when I was being bullied. Mum in some insane half-baked idea she got from god knows where thought I had to fend for myself.

Even when there were three of them and twice my size

Safe to say I got into a lot of fights. Lots of them.

They loved picking on me because there were no consequences

Maybe that’s why I’m not afraid to defend myself now.

There were consequences in the end when the bullying reached insane levels, but I put up with a ton of shit.

That and perhaps her boyfriend at the time was built like a brick fucking shit house. I kid you not.

I remember the time they tried to pick on me and he stepped up – I hadn’t seen them run so fast.

Boy did they fucking run.

I laughed

And no-one ever picked on me again.

I’ll never ever let anyone bully my Son. I’m a big bloke. If I hear about such behaviour I’ll be right up to School or wherever I need to be.

And Mum, she loved to use the,

“God, you’re just like your fucking father” expression.

Which led me to half-hating myself, and desperately trying not to be like my father

Never ever use the other parent as a weapon to your kids, it’s destructive. I speak from cold, hard experience.

I later shed that toxic idea. It came as a result of counselling many years later, when I realised that I am part of my Dad

He did make me after all!

I have the chance to build upon and change all that.

Which I did. Such a freeing experience

And Mum, well, she was such a strong woman inside, but she didn’t half care what other people thought of her.
Her worrying, the anxiety. Who was talking about her and why.

The dominant parent’s (if you only live with one) behaviour will reflect on the child,

So I became a nervous wreck

Well into my twenties might I add!

Maybe it’s just age now but I care not a damn what people say.

I know all my faults.

I don’t lie to myself anymore.

Tell me something I don’t know!

But for all Mums faults she brought a wealth of love into my life.

I wouldn’t be this happy and forgiving if it weren’t for Mum.

So all that said,

She was, and still is,

Amazing!

Be mindful,

And love yourself.

Thanks for listening