Why listening is all that matters

If you're a regular reader you may know by now that I had a useless Dad, and a crappy childhood which then caused make to make a load of bad choices and take a ton of substances.

My life was bad.

But I changed it around. I kicked that bad fucker into orbit and started to finally feel good about myself. It took years. Years and years.

Years. Literally.

But what was the defining moment for me? How did it all change? What was the point that I said, yep, this is it. I need to change.

Well, I always say there was one point, when I was in bed, crying, hugging my pillows that my life was so bad, and that my alcoholism must stop. I could see the problem it was causing. It needed to stop. I couldn't keep falling this way - my life was ruled by the damn thing.

But credit where credit was due I'd probably have picked up another bottle and downed it if I hadn't had spoken to these two people.

My employment adviser arranged for me to meet with a woman from a mental health charity. She thought in herself that I would be able to help them and she would be able to help me.

And boy had she got that one right.

The women I met was in her 40's. She sat down with me the day we met and we talked. We just talked for at least an hour, and we went out and smoked together.

And more importantly she listened. She sat there and listened to everything I said. She didn't falter, let me have every moment of the conversation and let me own it. And when required she added her two cents.

And even more prevalent, she understood me.

Like no-one I had ever met before even knew where I was going or what I wanted,

"dude, you're strange" I'd often get

But no, she knew. She knew that I just wanted a happy family, a stable job and a house.

That's all that I ever wanted.

She could totally relate. It was the most amazing conversation I had in my life to date. It made all the other conversations seem childish in relation.

For the first time in my entire life I felt that someone properly understood me. And I wasn't going to let that slip away.

And that's how I quit and changed my life. Those two events.

And why I absolutely say in a relationship of any kind listening to what the other person is telling you is the utmost important thing ever. Because then, they feel like they can relate.

Relating to someone is such a powerful emotion. It builds a bridge of connectivity, forms a bond, creates a friendship.

It's awesome.

Some people don't speak what they actually mean to say, but when I became more experienced at listening to people, the more I learned to read between the lines.

Do something nice today,

Go out and listen to someone that just wants to talk.

It's such a lovely feeling :)