I have been crying so much lately. I’ve been disappointed by so many and feel like I have failed !
I have suffered with depression and dealt with it in private and all on my own. I’ve struggled with this all my life! I’ve either been disappointed or disappointing.
Lately , I have some good days , but no matter how good they are , Not too many days pass before a bad day comes. The days where despite my weight loss I feel fat, despite getting glammed up I feel ugly, despite all the things I’ve overcome and accomplished I feel like a failure.
I have attempted suicide in the past and planned out how u would do it. Pills bc I don’t have the nerve to do anything else. Figured it was the most peaceful way to go.
I want to do it now. Maybe more than ever. The thing that has me debating it my children. If I knew they would be taken care of properly without me; there would be no debate ! I only worry that if they were left with their father to care for them, they would suffer from my decision.
That’s why I stay and live this stressful, depressing, miserable life I live! Sometimes I wonder if they would be better off without me tho.
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I know how you feel. Believe me , been there and done that. But just remember the pain you would cause your children. Know that you are meant to be in this world for them , if for nothing else. I know they are my reason for living. Especially when I’ve been hurt 😞.
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Many of us feel so hopeless I know and I have been there and I still go there but I don't act on my feelings. It's difficult even to think about other people even our children or our families when we were feeling this way. But if it is a big part of our life purpose I commend you for allowing it to prevent you from ending your life. When I'm feeling this way I try and see the good in the world as best I can and the good in my life as best I can. It may seem like the darkness is greater than the light and it may seem like the bad is greater than the good. But that is a lie that our brains trick us with all the time. I hope you hang in there don't kill yourself. Find a way to ease the pain and hang onto yourself and your children and anything else good no matter how small it may be.
With love from a stranger online Carol
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Thank you . It’s just so hard when no one cares as much as you do. When no one wants to hear the truth or how you feel. When people make you feel guilty for expressing your opinions or even getting upset. It’s tough when people around you leave you and break promises. When you need someone who decided they no longer need you. When your just sick of going thru every day and dreading the next morning. Hoping and praying something happens to you.
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