Leaving the Island of Lost Boys

Far more than a father gives life to a child, a child grants life to its father. -Rabbi Daniel Lapin

I grew up in a family of six children with a loving father and a doting mother. We were happy, all of us. Sure, we had our moments, but as my parents settled arguments in front of their children, so us kids settled our disagreements together.

There were times, especially when kids 4, 5, and 6 came along, that we lived on little. It wasn’t the kids as society would tell you, business was not good, and we learned to be frugal. Did we want for anything? No, and we loved every minute of being homeschoolers, albeit, in an environment that did not always appreciate what we were doing. Did it work? You bet. We are still close, and we are building a family legacy.

With that precursor, you would wonder why this article is titled Leaving the Island of Lost Boys. Here is the reason, my dad and I did not have the best relationship growing up.

Being the eldest, I chose to take on a lot of responsibility. That is partially because a firstborn does things like that, Scripture is clear that is normal. However, there are other things I took upon myself that were never mine to bear, and that was my parent’s trauma.

My dad’s father passed away in a motorcycle accident when my dad was 17. He knew him well, but he also lost him when his dream of playing baseball took a significant hit. There was not a father there to console him. My dad never went on to play his dream. My mother, well, she is a sponge. She learns, she grows, she internalizes, and thus became a bulwark for any generational troubles that would come against her children. That kind of sacrifice takes every ounce of ones being. She shared her dreams of breaking generational traumas the moment I could understand. I internalized that too.

My choice to internalize, analyze, and seek a means to heal my parents left me with a broken spirit. We found that through Electro Dermal Screening when I was 12. Thankfully, it was soon after that I began to write and find a means to process all of my thoughts and programming.

Despite some of the growth we made, my will to heal my parents and my lack of a relationship with my dad left me wanting, and I turned to porn.

For 15 years I have been working to heal from those choices. The subconscious is a powerful thing. Thankfully, the Lord has wired us to grow in stages, and the more we heal, the more we have available to help others heal.

That is why a world class healing center is front and center in my wife and I’s journey. Our desire is to help people live better lives.

For a long time, I thought the healing center was only for the people we would welcome there. Now, I realize it was the Lord orchestrating our path so we could heal. The wisdom we have received over the nearly 10 years we have been a couple have aided us in learning from trauma. That trauma did not have to be trauma from war like my brother, or living through the loss of a loved one like my dad, but it was trauma to heal from nonetheless.

Our bodies are wired for perfection. Unfortunately, toxins, our thoughts, and trauma contribute to mental strongholds, and that can become the devil’s playground. I am thankful the Lord only allows the sins of the parents to the third and fourth generation. Personally, I believe he steps in on the 5th.

I am also grateful to be a dad now, and see how the Lord works in time and space. There are few things, if any, more powerful than a man becoming a father. As Rabbi Lapin so powerfully writes in this article,fixing society is likely not to come from a better government program, stronger schools, or even a wise single mother though their influence is incalculable. Society needs fathers. Not just men, and especially not just men who have outgrown their parents home, but fathers.

There is a reason Scripture mentions the word father 5 times more than the word mother in the book of Genesis. The role of a father in the development of children is integral to a family.

I am excited for the new days my dad and I have now, and especially thankful we have days together at all.

We are still growing in our relationship. I’m grateful we’re past the old times where I would not talk, and was afraid of him. I understand where he comes from so much better, and I want to help him be the best dad. Why? Because I love him, and I love my child.

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