About it Shining

[TRIGGER WARNING: ANXIETY]

Greetings, travelers.

I really do not know how it is for you, but I've always felt the weight of living too damn heavy. As I grew up, I learned that it is called Anxiety.

I've been dealing with it for most of my life, but I was just able to verbalize it as it is when it paralyzed me to a pathological state. I'm not aware of your life experiences, but I'm sure that there is no way that anyone can live through panic attacks and still call mental health issues as some sort of lazyness or weakness.

The past 12 months have been really difficult for me, and it unfortunately ended up taking me back to some dark places I had not visited in a long time. The novelty this time was learning that I could drown even deeper, even if it was not as intensely.

One of the more frightening memories I have from this period, is the most complete and homogeneous indifference to it all. No single thing felt more or less exciting: it was all the same shade of grey. Uninteresting and dull grey.

I've been a lot better for the past few months, due to a lot of energy, effort, time and patience invested by me, and the incredible people I have around me. It is truly the biggest privilege I've got in my life: love.

This morning, a little after 7am, I noticed this slash of sun in the cooktop oven. It made me smile, and I was surprised. Surprised that such a little thing had sparked joy in my self.

Now it is a little after 7pm, and I'm really happy that I got to see it shining the way it did. Sometimes it is just about looking at things from a different perspective; and other times it is about waiting patiently until we can actually see things from a different perspective.

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