It was the first time since I left the house since coming home from the hospital.
I met a friend for lunch in order to get some sun as well as get myself out of a dark and dreary house.
We spent the day just talking not of my failure but of her plans to go somewhere.
Times like this I try to focus on other stuff rather than my own problems. In a way I am escaping from handling what is troubling me.
I have always had this Superman complex of wanting to help other people first before helping myself. This is my way of being needed and of worth.
So she was thinking of moving to a place that nobody knows her. This from a person that the longest that she has been gone from her home is a weekend holiday.
There is her fear of being a long way from home. Of no one doing her laundry. Cooking her own meals and budgeting. I had to smile as she thought of the "adulting" problems that she would be encountering.
I thought of myself being independent and living alone as early as 19 years old. I learned to budget my money, cook my own meals and even do laundry (okay I lied, I send out my laundry)
She is trying to Fasttrack her life as she sees most of her friends already settle down and have careers when she still does not know what she wants to do yet.
Looking at my life I thought I knew what I wanted to do and had set myself on this career. Yet here I am not knowing what my future would be.
As we discussed more on her plans I was thinking should I join her and get lost. To go to a place no one knows me.
It's ok to change your mind, change career paths, homes etc. It doesn't mean you failed, it just means that you've changed or grown. Whoever said that we have to do one career in our lifetime was just boring😊
Big hugs bud❤️
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Thank you Lynn and it hurts because I love helping people find their path, of being there to defend them, to believe in them when no one else is in their corner.
I love being that HR guy that cares but the world chewed me up and spit me out like I was nothing.
I am at this point that I see myself as a failure and its hard to get out of it.
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Hey, @maverickinvictus.
Good to see you getting out. I wish I could say we had sun right now, but we're heading into that period of time where it's mostly cloudy and/or rainy, so I'm not sure what we're going to see in the way of sun.
I'm wondering. It seems like everyone you talk to, male or female, including yourself, all seem to be wrapped up in getting or advancing in a career. Is there any thoughts about having a family in any of this? I'm not talking about you or her specifically, but in general. It seems like the job is everything. I can understand that, certainly. I'm just wondering where family is in the equation, if at all.
Also, a change of scenery could be good. It's not always the best way to escape problems, though. Unless you have no support network where you are. Unless everything is more negative than it is positive. That would be the time to go. Not just for a mav makeover.
My opinion only. Experience may vary. :)
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I don't know about a family at this point I don't think I can take care of someone else or even the thought of a baby to take care of.
I might experience the post partum lol Im joking .
At this moment I can't think of plaguing a family to deal with me at my absolute worst.
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Hey, @maverickinvictus.
I was speaking more in general, about others between your age and your friend's, but since you brought it up... :)
I'm not going to be the one to assess what you're capable of, and it wouldn't matter anyway. You're the one who needs to make that assessment.
However, I can say that, obviously, we're not talking about going from your current situation to instant family. From the sounds of things, there has to first be a goal to want and work towards, rather than doubt your capabilities or feeling like you'd be a plague to someone.
I know you know what I'm talking about. Right now you're at a low point, but that's not where you've always been. So, yeah, there's some work to do before the family starts, but that doesn't mean it's impossible, or can't be.
I'm not trying to oversimplify things, or negate what you're feeling. That's all painfully real. I am, however, make a suggestion that it's somewhere to eventually get to.
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I have always lived far from home from an early age of 8years old. I may not have bern bothered with adult worries then but i had to manage my self, including my time, finances, laundry, food. This was in boarding school. I think this has done great for me as it created in me a sense of independence from a very young age, i learnt to survive without my parents, in an environment of complete strangers in a foreign country.
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Yes it is awesome that you have done that. Giving you an independent streak that you value yourself
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I didn't know you've been to the hospital, hope all is well.
I actually have the same plan as your friend. To go somewhere nobody knows me. I just can't figure how to get started and make sure I still get some stability (i still can't decide to leave my "stable" job).
Personally, I feel more comfortable and I think I'm more myself when I'm in a place where no one knows me coz I know that they would just see me as me - no judgments or assumptions about me.
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That is one of the things stopping her of removing the crutch of a "stable" career here and the easiness of having someone take care of her.
She is afraid to go out of her comfort zone and be free.
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Just 2 weeks ago, I was so close to swallowing pills again to end my fucking life, but when I heard about my bestfriend's kidney failure and eventually memory loss, I immediately snapped out of it. I knew I need to help him, and I know it has always been like that -- thinking of others first even at the verge of suicide.
TALK TO ME, PLEASE! :(
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Oh Lai how can we be so tragically broken and still want to fix other people :(
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RIGHT? I wonder, too. :(
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