Redshift 3

Continuing the newly edited rework of my investigatory adventures from the distant past, prepare for a roller coaster of DETECTIVITY... and really, look at that art! :O)

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You big hot donkey.

I said to myself in the mirror, turning this way and that, adjusting my tie so it sat just so. There, I was good to go. I headed downstairs to grab a quick cup of Joe for the journey into work.

Oh my god, what are you wearing?

The good lady was wearing a filmy pink chemise and was stirring a bowl with some kind of creamy icing in it. I looked at the bowl and then looked at her, flinging one of my patented fancy snuffling for truffles in my pants winks.

My new duds babycheeks. You like?

She looked at me with consternation.

You're wearing a suit? It's not even a nice suit. It's grey. And you have a tie on? Are you ok?

Aint you heard? Grey is how we play, babygirl.

What about your fedora? Your long coat? You don't look very detective'y?

I snorted in derision. The good lady had a lot of good things going for her including an insatiable ham trumpet but she wasn't the most nimble up there.

Welcome to the 21st century my little potato pie. Now, time for me to scoot.

I gave her a peck on the cheek, arching my body away from that messy bowl of hers. I swaggered out into the early morning.

In work, we were engaging in a build the barn exercise. We all wrote ideas on post-it notes and put them on the wall before putting them all together into a coherent shape.

Bushy-Tail entered the room with a big box under his arm.

Guys. Productivity is here!

We gathered around him like pigeons coo'ing at a dead hobo.

He reached into the box and started distributing shiny new Microsoft Surface Pros from within.

I hovered about the edge of the group wondering if I would be getting one. These guys were all external partners. I was painfully aware that I was not truly part of the mix.

BoomDawg?

I found myself making wallpaper paste in my pants, was I gettting one, really? Really?

Yeah?

Bushy-Tail passed me over one of the sleek new toys. I looked at it in awe. Now we were getting somewhere. This was change. This meant digitally connected. Saltyboz tapped me on the shoulder and motioned us all into the centre of the room.

Right guys, let's start defining the shape of our operations!

We all shouted hurrah and high fived. In our suits, we resembled a shoal of hungry grey sharks. Someone shouted something about getting the coffees in. We hurrahed even harder.

It's amazing baby. Now we can truly be part of a cohesive whole!

I angled the Surface Pro at the good lady who was listlessly peeling grapes for me.

She looked up disinterestedly.

You never used to care about that stuff, I mean, what are you even doing on this project? You haven't said. The old you would have sniffed it out in a second.

What are we doing?!

I stood up from the kitchen stool and struck a making a penis monkey pose.

We are doing the right thing at the right time with the right tools.

I nodded serenely. Yep, there, now she knew exactly what we were doing. Oh, I had better tell her about the night out which had slipped my mind.

Listen my little horse's doofer, I forgot to say, some of the guys organised a night out. Maintaining cohesion within the pod, you know?

The pod? What? You can't just go out on a whim with no notice?!

The good lady put down the grapes and turned to give me a piece of her mind but the door was already swinging in the night breeze as I went to join the greys guys down the pub.

The company credit card had made an appearance and I had a nice warm drunk feeling going on, as if someone was licking my thighs with the belly of a kitten.

It seemed like the night had passed in flashes until there were only us grey-suits left in the bar. There had been so much free drink I was surprised the company credit card hadn't melted through over-use.

Saltyboz sashayed over.

Listen, BoomDawg. We are really glad you are on the team. It's important you know?... Spread the word and all that... It's always good to get another convert to let people know what we are trying to achieve.

He laughed and raised his glass. I laughed too and toasted him back. Somewhere deep inside I heard a small questioning voice, ask them what they are doing? What are they trying to achieve?!?!!

Saltyboz pulled out two big fat Cuban cigars.

You are definitely one of the gang now. Fancy a smoke?

His lips stretched wide in an awful smile.

I grinned like a big stupid thing that had been fed stupid stew. Free drink, Free coffees and now free cigars and they called this work?

Somewhere deep in my black heart, something screamed at me to say no.

I ignored it.