A Wizard's Sleeve

meesterboom (78) in life • 5 years ago

Please, take my money but don't hurt me!!

A young work colleague Phlegmy threw himself down on one knee. He held his hands out beseechingly.

Fuck off, ya daft bastard.

I responded, my brow frumpling up at his odd antics.

I had just arrived at work through the freezing icy snow storm that had popped up out of nowhere and I was in a grim mood.

I started to unzip my big winter coat.

Oh god no, he's got a gun! Please! Please! Don't shoot me with your big gun, mister!?!

Phlegmy gargled dramatically.

What the hell are you on about?

I huffed as I slid out of my coat.

I think he's talking about that thing on your face. You know, the Dick Turpin scarf thing?

One of the nearby Business Analysts, a chap called Wetty piped up.

I threw a poisonous glance at him for opening his filthy Analist mouth and toyed with the idea of picking up a chair and smashing him in the head with it. Bloody Business Analysts, no one likes them.

Phlegmy also made a disgusted face at Wetty and got up shaking his head.

Have you come to rob us, oh villainous highwayman?

Phlegmy chuckled at his own fine wit.

So, come on man. What the fuck is it you are wearing on your face?

Phlegmy dropped his fearful act and looked all sneery at me as if I was his wife ordering steak in a fancy restaurant.

Oh this?

I tugged the thing on my face downward exposing my moist pink lips.

It's a Wizard's Sleeve.

A fucking Wizard's whatsit?!

Phlegmy snorted with glee.

A wizard's sleeve.

I pulled it over my head and tucked it in a pocket.

A wizard's sleeve... HA, hahah hhahahahhahah... You do know what a Wizard's sleeve means... Don't you?

Phlegmy looked as if he was going to explode with joy.

Yes, I know.

I said, rolling my eyes at the folly of youth.

Bet you don't.

I do.

What is it then. Go on, tell us!

Phlegmy practically shouted.

I paused. Of course, I knew that a Wizard's sleeve was a euphemism for a loose bahjeen. After all, I was the King of Euphemisms.

HA! He doesn't know!

Phlegmy crowed.

I do, it's the term used to describe your Mum's vagina.

I smirked.

Phlegmy recoiled slightly.

Hey, that's out of order?!

He squawked.

Aye, your mum's vagina is out of order.

I said smugly.

I don't think that's very funny.

He replied flatly.

I don't think your mum's vagina is very funny either.

I turned away and put my headphones on. Bloody youngsters, no respect for their elders. Or their Wizard's Sleeve's.

life story writing blog busy creativecoin oc

5 years ago by meesterboom (78)

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penderis (63) · 5 years ago

I had to google bahjeen and fortunately, your Quincy beer post uses it in more direct context. So now I am certain. He did walk right into that one anyway so he only has himself to blame the little mamas boy.

meesterboom (78) · 5 years ago

He does indeed!! Serve him right! Did my Quincy beer post come up in the search? I must be doing something right if it did :0D

!ENGAGE 30

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penderis (63) · 5 years ago

Well duckduckgo, but who knows one day you might be on google :) Google is being all self-righteous and trying to correct me. But I said fuck that I know a bahjeen when I see one.

meesterboom (78) · 5 years ago

Ha, that's bloody magic!!! Fuck Fuck Go for the fucking win!!

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misterengagement (55) · 5 years ago

@penderis you have received 30 ENGAGE from @meesterboom!
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acolucky (64) · 5 years ago

Taking a shot at a guy's mom is always effective....

And appropriate.

Every time.

meesterboom (78) · 5 years ago

You gotta safe it for the right time but it works every time!!!

Especially when they are young, why is that?

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acolucky (64) · 5 years ago

It hits close to home, I suppose, to a youngster.

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meesterboom (78) · 5 years ago

Aye, I guess so. Probably a bit mean but hey, you live and learn!

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gikitiki (60) · 5 years ago

I thought Phlegmy's mom had a "Bag of Holding". No matter what you put in, there's always room for more.

meesterboom (78) · 5 years ago

But oddly, there isn't a never ending stream of gold coins. It's awful to be duped like that!

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gikitiki (60) · 5 years ago

If you are at the Bag of Holding, just look a little higher and you’ll find the home of the golden stream.

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meesterboom (78) · 5 years ago

And of course be careful you don't stumble down into the mud

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gikitiki (60) · 5 years ago

Yes, those mud pits sometimes generate a clay golem. Then you are in trouble. Unless you have a suitable staff for defending yourself. Preparation is the key.

meesterboom (78) · 5 years ago

I do have a suitable staff. I learned never too be without back in London in the sixties

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angryman (67) · 5 years ago

I couldn't come up with an appropriate comment @meesterboom, but just be certain that I read this post in earnest while scratching my head in wonderment...

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meesterboom (78) · 5 years ago

Oh of that I am entirely certain! You are a good fellow. It is true what they say!

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angryman (67) · 5 years ago

You are a good fellow. It is true what they say!

Shhhhhhhhhh...Don't spread that around too much. It'll ruin my reputation on the chain...!!!

meesterboom (78) · 5 years ago

I think you ruined that yourself several posts ago! ;0)

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angryman (67) · 5 years ago

Uh-Oh.... :>/

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