It had to happen one day. Today I got shunted right up the chuff.
No, not quite the dropping the soap in prison shunted. Instead, my little car took it.
Fear not. Nobody was hurt, well at least not physically. In my years of driving, I have only ever had one bump and that was me stupidly reversing into someone else. But that was when I was a novice. Since then, touch wood I have been fine.
It's a Sunday, there was hardly any traffic and the sun had even popped out as I drove home from a bit of shopping. I was almost home when I pulled up at some traffic lights. And then... There was a tiny little
The car rocked forward ever so slightly. Puzzled I looked around to see what had caused it. Then I noticed in the rear view mirror there was a car behind me practically baw-deep* up my back.
*Baw-Deep (Balls Deep), Glasgow slang, referring to the sexy party situation where you find your 'sword' hilted to the very pommel
I opened the door and somewhat bemusedly walked to the back of the car. I still wasn't sure the car behind had hit me.
The other car jerked back a few feet in an amateurish reverse. I leant down and looked at my bumper, there was a mark. A little dent maybe? Oh bugger. I couldn't be arsed with this nonsense. I straightened up hoping the other driver was going to be a reasonable soul.
After all the last thing I was in the mood for was to give someone a sound thrashing with my cane.
The other car opened. It was some big roaring monster of a 4x4.
A lady in her twenties stepped down from the monster truck and walked toward me with an oh noes kind of expression on her face.
Is there any damage? She cried, in some seeming distress.
Just a little dent, not much. It will probably be alright Said I, in that knowledgeable man way.
Oh I am so glad, I am reeeeeaaally sorry for that.
Ach, no bother. These things happen eh, will we just swap details? I will get it checked out but it should be ok.
She pouted slightly, it was then I noticed that she was quite pretty in a I'm rich as fuck and my hobbies mostly involve horses and men called Sebastien kind of way.
It's only a little mark, we don't need to swap details, do we? Her eyes spasmodically jerked open and closed.
I think it's slightly dented, I will get it checked out but it's probably nothing.
She laughed, a girlish tinkling affair and reached over to pat my superbly muscled arm looking at me for all the world as if we were in the desert and I was an ice lolly.
She bent down to examine the dent before raising her head and tossing a mountain of hair aback over her shoulder.
I really don't see much at all. It should be fine yeah?
Her bottom lip must have been right itchy as she was giving it a good chew.
I felt something click inside of me. Hang on, was she flirting with me? Really? Good lord, she was. It was quite nice but wasn't quite as nice as not having your car smacked in the arse.
As I say, it should be fine, Will probably be nothing. What's your name...
Oh gawd. Really? Is it money? Will that do?
She trotted off back to her car and re-emerged, rummaging in a giant bag. From an oversized purse she started counting out some twenty pound notes.
Look, here, will 60 cover it?
What the fuck? Was I a prostitute now? Is that what everything boils down to? Just throw money at the serfs?
Did she expect me to doff my cap in deference and say thank you ma'am, sorry to be a bother ma'am?
The horse-loving, Sebastien rider looked at me with mild contempt as these thoughts whirred and clanked in my head.
What about the principle of the thing? Did she think that fluttering her eyelashes and throwing twenty-pound notes at me like I was some yoghurt stained lap dancer was the answer to banging my ancient old car up the chuff?
Erm, yeah, 60 should do. Cheers
So yo took the 60 bucks? I would have probably done the same, so annoying trying to come to a conclusion with people like her with the itchy lips :D
Glad to hear nothing worse happened.
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Oh yeah, three twenty notes hurriedly slipped into my pocket. Cheers man!!
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lol .. money can't buy a boom!
or I thought till I read above haha
feck the dent eh? hahah
well- how much would you get if you two swapped details and let the insurance handle it?
how did you do this line?
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You got me, I am so easily bought!! I would get my dent fixed and pay nothing and she would get charged by her insurance. The thing is I think I would have to pay an excess and it will all get complicated! There is literally no dent. A tiny tiny mark!!
You mean the formatting? Like this, a combo of the html sub command and markdown. You like? :0)
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thank you!
copy!
edit : test
yey! thank you chico!
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That's kind of a funny story! You should be a book writer! I literally saw the scenery with all her details! I love it and, although no wishing you to be shunted again, look forward to more of your cool stories!
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Thank you very much, I do like writing. If it was a career I would be a very happy man!!
Totally appreciate the comment :0)
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I'm pretty sure your on your way.
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Haha, that was funny! :P
Sorry about the shunt though, just recently, I bumped my car too and the person who bumped it just drove away as we were at an intersection and it wasn't that bad. There was a scratch and I just covered it up with a cool sticker, so all good I suppose!
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I don't even think I could find the mark to cover over with a sticker! Bumps are asking but at least yours and mine wasn't that serious!
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Well, 60 was probably enough then ;)
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Yeah, I drove quite fast after that in case she changed her mind!!
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ha! take the money dude :)) and don't fix that bump...i mean you could play the long on with that one forever....:D
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There is virtually nothing to fix. So money in back bin, happiness all round!!
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im surprised you guys say "knock wood" too actually...
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Oh yeah that is a very popular saying here!
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oh yoohoo!!!! Sebastien??!!!!!
Big LOLZ!
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Hehe, the name has such a ring to it!! :0D
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Good ole British people they sound funny even when they are having basic conversations. Anything you say sir is pure comedic gold.
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Cheers mate!! Hehe, yeah there is a certain funniness to an everyday convo here!! I like to add a little twist and let it run!!
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Substituting the word yoghurt for semen, lol you couldn't have painted a better picture. Blog on.
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Hehe, semen, yogurt.... I don't know what you mean ;0) LOLZ
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With your every post, I continue to expand my vocabulary of Glasgow slang :D
Word of the day: Baw-Deep.
Metaphors are delicious as always. Thanks for the good mood, @meesterboom! :)
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You are always welcome @natord!
I shall continue to unearth these gems for the good folk of steemit :0)
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I would say she nicked ya for $150 minimum! HAAHAHAHA!
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No doubt tomorrow I will go out and the car will have fallen into a hundred bits as a delayed reaction and I will be crying lol!!
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This post received a 27% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @meesterboom! For more information, click here!
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she wanted it lmao 😂
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Lol, the flirting was funny!
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haha baw deep, one of my favourite expressions of all time, covers so much....keep the £60 and leave the dent in the bumper..going to start to follow now getting a good chuckle of your posts
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Cheers man, I will follow you back :0) it's a great expression ain't it!!
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good skills..I its class like...keep up the stuff mate, funny as
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Cheers man, I will try to keep it classy :O)
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Haha, I shouldn't say this, being one myself, but what the heck: Women!
So before opening this post, I had no clue what "Back Shunt" meant! Let alone know that a word like "chuff" existed!
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Chuff!! It's one of my favourites!! I do often say things like what a pain in the chuff
Hehe, glad to spread these words around!!
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Yeah, I'm learning so much here on Steemit! :D
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It's a veritable learning academy!!
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No picture of the lady? Lol. Was she blonde? Will you invest those 60 pounds in steemit? :)
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She wasn't blonde thankfully. Or I would have melted and probably have given her sixty pounds for being such a trouble to her!!
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Lol! You are too funny @meesterboom :)
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I try my very best!!
:0D
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Result!
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I know!! :0)
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So no real damage done then? Got away lucky, usually those Chelsea tractors make a really mess of the back of yer motor.
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It was so slight a tap I barely knew I had been hit!
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You shoulda clutched your neck and screamed WHIPLASH!!
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I think that's what the payoff was for lol!!!
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Naw she was just paying off a commoner, on your way prole and don't bother my bumper again.
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Good story. Reminds me of when this good looking woman almost killed me. Only she had a junkie car with brakes that don't work. Ran right into my driver side, but a little behind my back. She asked me how I was doing. I only remember saying, Where's my glasses? I can't find my glasses. As the hit knocked my glasses off my head. We moved our cars to safe places. Someone said they called the police. I waited in my car. I thought she waited in her car. I should have taken her information then. Talked to the police then pointed to the car she was driving. Police says, No one in the car. Then police gets my information. Then the girl comes back with a prisoner kind of looking boyfriend I am thinking. They now check out her car. Brake petal goes to the floor. No resistance. Police take report. She has no ID. Not even drivers license. Police writes down her information. Later to find out from attorneys that she lied about address. Well it ended I had to sue my own insurance. The woman. Well that good looking woman sure did have a plan. So I like your outcome a lot better than mine. At least she batted her eyes and threw money at you.
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Och that sounds like a terrible tale. I was just glad it was the tiniest of bumps. Some people are shocking in the way that they will drive something that is a death trap and just not care. I hope you won against the insurance!!
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Yes, I won. Thanks for asking.
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Top notch!
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Haha loved that glad you took something off her erm meaning the money lol :)
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Hahahah, it would have been fine for something else lol! 60 bucks though eh. Nobodys ever paid to bang me before!
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That's good profit for a quickie :)
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Damn tooting, a few seconds and boom! ;o)
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And you didn't break a sweat
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A gentleman never should!
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I totally agree BUT,,,
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;O)
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I was a bit nervous about what the suggested "turnabout is fair play" resolution was going to be for her rear-ending you. But I soldiered on through your post, and realized my concerns were unfounded. Good ol' money to the rescue. Making the world go round, and people leave the scene of an unreported accident. The Lydians of 700 BC would be proud!
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Hehe, that would have been an entirely different kind of story!
Good ole money indeed. Greasing palms and paying off peoplehas never gone out of fashion!
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Haha! Good thing you are a man of strong principles and you did the right thing. ;)
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Oh yes. Such stern principles. They are like IRON! :OD
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Should've made her mow your lawn.
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Hahaha, oh yeah man. That is class!! :0D
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I would have taken no less that 100.
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You are a harsh harsh man! I almost haggled! but thought, heck I think she has only moved some dirt from the bumper
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As the old adage goes: Tits or GTFO.
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Ouch! Jail talk!! ;0)
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What would Sebastian do?
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Probably something with a horse's penis
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The possibilities are endless. All hail, King Sebastian!
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He is a prince among men!!! :0D
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I'd have probably settled for 40 ;-)
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I probably would have too. There was barely a mark!! :O)
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Your sense of humour is the highlight of my day, lol.
I'm sure you could have talked yourself into cool £100 ;)
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Aw cheers!!
I probably could have but I was trying to look suave and debonair as if money mattered naught. LOL!
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How I image her flirty laugh:
Great story, very entertaining! Hopefully it really wasnt too much of a dent.
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Oh man, that gif nails it!! Exactly like that!!! The dents tiny, it's like a win win!!
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Haha great! Gotta love a happy ending 😊
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I love your steems you have a great sense of humor😄😀
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Thank you very much, i do my best to get it across :0)
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You can spin a story boomman!
I reckon you could have squeezed a few more 20s out of her.
I love that you share with us your colourful cultural colloquialisms. Being from Her Majestys great and vast continental convict colony, we are familiar with the concept of being shafted balls deep
Speaking of good old Lizzie, we are having a holiday to celebrate her very existence today. Apparently she is so special she gets a birthday in June even though she was born in April.
Is that a British thing too? Or just an Aussie excuse for not going to work on Monday. Its getting a wee bit cold in June. It's nice of her to give us a day off.
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Cheers!!
We have a similar holiday in May to celebrate her birthday. To be honest it's probably the only gratitude she gets off of us lot lol!!
Good old balls deep. I am glad that it crosses continents!
I could maybe have squeezed a couple more out of her but there was virtually not a mark on the car. It did give me a chuckle though!
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A good read ..like your great sense of humour...keep it up Buddy
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Cheers mate!! Will keep it up!!
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Great, success
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:0)
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I know I've mentioned this before but your first picture always gets the story going. My dog started a blog, would you be so kind as to check it out?
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I do like to spend a bit of time on the artwork to accompany my posts!
I will have a look :O)
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Meester writer. I like how you tell story
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Thank you very much, I appreciate that!
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You're a great writer, whenever am going through a write-up, I try to read with open mind to understand, Some believe that money is everything, but I don't really buy that idea; there are precepts of life; yes money can come in if a situation warrant for it but let it be at the right time.
Self-discipline, good moral behavior and human relation are keys to life.
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Thank you. I do believe happiness trump's all! But the others are very important!
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You are right, I concur with you, happiness is a triumphant virtue, yet happiness comes only when the above three are met.
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Yes, it is like an ineffable equation!!
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Now you just nailed it!
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Hehe, you have to try :0)
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Haha, you don't want to be driving in Spain dude! I did a short piece today on parking over here! https://steemit.com/funny/@abh12345/parking-in-spain-is-cringeworthy-but-great-entertainment
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Lol, I will have a look!
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Boom! thanks!
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AHAHA! I didn't mean to laugh, I just ... First of all, sorry to hear you got into a bit of an incident, dude. I really am. While insurance covers it, it's still a pain to have to deal with the repairs. I just didn't expect you would fold easily at 60. Is that already a lot there? I bet Sebastian has tons more he could dole out if he were the one who shunted you at the back. He is a gentleman, after all.
The woman's flirt tactics might've worked if the conditions were different, too bad for her that you are a happily married man, with a baby on the way to boot! Ugh, I can't figure out why she doesn't get it's all about the principle of it all. The principle, woman! But yeah, I totally get where you're coming from, I would've done the same thing as well just to save myself from the hassle.
That prostitute comparison is too funny, dude! Haha! It was hard to explain why I suddenly burst into laughter to the people around me. Suffice to say, it was awkward telling them that a prostitute comment was the reason.
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