Daddy, could you make me a coffee?

The good lady had just fed the little boom and he had slumped into a comfortable sleep on her lap which meant as it often did these days that she suddenly became as helpless as a baby goose.

Yeah yeah. Give me a second, I am doing all of the other things you asked.

I was loading the washing machine up with tonnes of fabric at the previous command of the good lady. I finished and walloped it on at full shit killer cycle, to make sure the baby boom's clothes came out minus the brown stains from his last poo-splosion.

I got on to the coffee making and in no time had us both a lovely cup of joe. The sun was shining in through the windows and we smiled and raised our coffees to one another as the little boom snored softly away.

Ah, this is relaxing. I thought.

Daddy, have you seen my phone?

The good lady was waving a hand ineffectually around her as if fending off an angry pigeon. She had a stricken look on her face.

No, where did you last see it?

If I could remember that I would know where it was.

She said grumpily.

I and the good lady both have our phone addictions. Me with Steemit and her with Facebook (spit) despite my best efforts to wean her off it. I understood her antsiness.

I put my coffee down and got up with a grumphing noise.

You're not sitting on it or anything daft are you?

I think I would bloody know if I was sitting on my phone, it's massive.

Yeah, true.

We both sniggered at the idea of some giant gallumph not knowing they were sitting on their phone.

In the background, the washing machine started its first thuddy, rattly spin. The good lady suddenly made a glurg noise and held her hand to her mouth.

Oh my god, was it in the wash basket?

No, only an arse would put their phone in the wash basket?

Said I, reassuringly.

It is it is!!! I am sure of it. Now it must be in the wash!??!

Oh bollocks. I ran to the washing machine and stopped it. Inside, stuff bobbed around in a soapy sea. I set it to drain.

Are you sure?

I yodelled through to the living room.

Yes!

The washing machine emptied. I hauled the clothes and stuff out and searched for the elusive, probably broken by now phone. It wasn't there. I returned to the living room.

It's not there doofus. Will I try calling it?

Said I, helpfully.

The good lady was getting snarly by now.

That's no use. I always have it on silent so it won't wake up little cheeky chops.

I chortled. Silly mummy. She was talking to the boomster. A silent phone was no obstacle to me. I pulled out the laptop.

Don't worry little wing. It's Android, I will use Find My Device, it can make it ring even if it is on silent!

Like an IT Wizard Ninja, I pulled up the Find My Device page and logged in. There it was, Play Sound.

I clicked it.

The good lady's ringtone started to sound. We both looked around, trying to locate the noise. Within moments it was quite apparent where it was coming from. The good lady made an apologetic yeek face.

I raised an eyebrow at her and sighed.

Madam, your arse is ringing.